


Low-tech Hijinks: A Marvelous Beach Trip

by Couyfish, Threshie



Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes
Genre: Bad Matchmaking, Beach House, Domestic Avengers, Drunken Shenanigans, Eavesdropping, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), Hammocks, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Idiots in Love, Illusions, Light Angst, M/M, Marvel Red Team, Meddling, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, No Alcohol For Peter, POV Alternating, POV Clint Barton, POV Peter Parker, POV Steve Rogers, POV Tony Stark, Possibly Unrequited Love, Protective Steve, Protective Tony Stark, Rain, S'mores, Snarky Clint Barton, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark Need To Use Actual Words, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Unscarred Wade Wilson, Vacation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 54,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24722800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Couyfish/pseuds/Couyfish, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threshie/pseuds/Threshie
Summary: When the Avengers go on a low-tech beach vacation getaway (with Spidey in tow), matchmaking the unsuspecting Iron Man and Captain America becomes a team-building exercise.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Clint Barton, Loki/Thor (Marvel), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 37
Kudos: 78





	1. Vacation Stowaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking out our fic! We're Marvel fans from years back who just became active in the fandom again (after binge watching Earth's Mightiest Heroes again and binge reading a whole bunch of Marvel comics.) We've co-written lots of chapter fics, and wrote a great deal of Marvel fic back in the day, but didn't publish much of it (editing 500k is a big undertaking!) Therefore, this is our first POSTED Marvel co-written story. 
> 
> We'll be posting one chapter per week on Tuesdays for this fic, and you can expect at least 10 chapters and 40,000 words before all is said and done. Without further ado, please enjoy some domestic Avengers shenanigans. Comments and kudos are always appreciated! ♥

“Honest to god, any trouble at all, Reed,” Steve said into the phone for the fifth time, blue eyes gazing sadly out the windshield of the SUV. 

This week-long vacation had been in the works for months. Nick Fury himself had suggested it and had been working on it for months, guarding it as closely as any other secret. It took careful planning and dozens of highly encrypted messages, coordinating heroes from all over the place to cover the Avenger’s usual area of operation.

When the day had come when the Avengers had to pile into an SUV and try to RELAX, Steve Rogers was struggling with the idea. Tony heard the big blond man plead one more time for the Fantastic Four to call them for any reason before the man finally put the phone down.

Huffing a bit, Steve frowned and glared out the window at the beautiful semi-tropical landscape, complete with fluffy palm trees and white sandy beaches.

“This is a bad idea,” he grumbled, glancing over at Tony, who was driving.

“Yeah, I agree — let’s turn around,” Tony heard Hawkeye complaining from the back seat. “I forgot my exploding arrows!”

"Explod--guys, the most dangerous things where we're going are the bowl-sized margaritas!" Tony said, glancing over his shoulder at Hawkeye in the back. Through the back window, he could see the other identical SUV trailing after them with a weary-looking Hank Pym behind the wheel. "I'm not going to turn this car around, so just RELAX. If you even know how."

He heard Steve sigh, tapping his thumbnail on the back of the cell phone.

“Crime doesn’t take vacations,” the blond man murmured, staring through his reflection in the glass.

Hawkeye was talking under his breath too, but it was mostly just cussing.

"No, but the world isn't ending--currently--so we're gonna relax and let all of the other heroes take care of the petty criminals for a few days. Just a few days, Cap, c'mon," Tony pleaded, glancing at him a few times. "You've barely stopped fighting long enough to see this timeline since you woke up in it! And it's not like we're going to outer space--again--or anything, so if some world-ending emergency comes up, Jarvis will tell me."

“What if we can’t get back fast enough and someone dies, Tony?” Cap asked, turning in his seat and frowning at Tony. “There’s a reason we’re stationed in the middle of New York!”

“Hey, Cap?” Hawkeye asked from the back, waving a hand between the front seats quickly. “Can you hand me a soda? Bruce fell asleep on our cooler back here…”

Still frowning, Steve bent and rummaged in the cooler for a moment.

"You think I haven't thought of that?" Tony rolled his eyes, turning to focus on the road fully again. "My whole armory can run remotely. And this might be tough to hear, but the world doesn't revolve around the Big Apple. For all we know the next world-ending attack is gonna crop up in, I don't know, Australia!"

He sighed and took the turn his Stark GPS was indicating on the dashboard. It was exhausting thinking every day was going to be another brawl. Switching off was impossible for him, personally, but maybe if he put on enough of a show of relaxing and not worrying, the others might think it was a thing. Leading by example and all that. If only Cap would get that message, too.

Slapping an orange soda into Hawkeye’s expectant hand, Cap sank back in his seat.

“I…suppose I should trust our allies enough to take some time off—but an entire WEEK?” The blue eyed man groaned, rubbing his forehead and shaking his head. “Why couldn’t it just be a weekend?”

“Why’d we have to come to a freaking hot spot? It’s like 90 degrees!” Clint moaned from the backseat, poking his head up into view of the rear view mirror. “I voted for the ski resort!”

The archer looked tired with all the small bruises and eye bags. If anyone needed some time off, it was the regular humans in the group.

“Can you imagine Hulk being stuck in a tiny snow cabin? No, at least this way he has an ocean to splash around in.”

“Betcha he tosses a shark,” came the grumbling reply from the back.

Tony snorted in amusement.

"I bet he'll scare the sharks away. He'd be bad for them if they bit him anyway."

"Who's biting who?" Came a groggy mumble from the object of their conversation. Well, from Bruce, at least.

"Scandal stuff, you don't wanna know," Tony replied lightly, taking another turn.

“Are we there YET?” Clint howled, flopping out of view of the rear view mirror. “I’m so ready for tequila!”

Frowning, Cap shifted in his seat to frown at the backseat.

“Bruce, did you remember your fishing box? I remember seeing it in the living room, but…”

The scientist sighed wearily. "Unless somebody put it in the car when they put me in the car..."

Tony restrained himself from rolling his eyes again. Bruce was eternally tired, and had already been silently sleeping in the back seat when Tony had arrived. If he didn't get into the car on his own, who had moved him? Hawkeye, probably?

“You know, we’ll find something better to do, buddy. Fishing is SO boring.” Tony saw Hawkeye tell his friend, slapping a hand on Bruce’s shoulder and squeezing it.

Bruce broke into a yawn, covering his mouth with one hand. 

"I like fishing..." He sighed again.

Tony was relieved to see the resort far ahead of them on the road. Most of the drive had basically been one long lecture from Cap and Clint about how this vacation was a terrible idea and how civilization as they knew it would collapse if the Avengers weren't available for a whole week. That level of insistence had the opposite effect on Tony--he was more determined than ever to make this vacation AMAZING and make everybody else admit it had been a good idea.

"Here we are," he told the others grandly a moment later, pulling into a parking spot.

The parking lot was small, only designed to hold a couple of cars and maybe a boat trailer.

In view on either side of the lot sat two mirror cabins atop small man-made plateaus. Each had a dark blue exterior, a white A-frame rooftop, and matching white framed porthole windows overlooking a carefully sculpted set of stone steps. 

The steps ran from the parking lot to the cabins in a ‘y’ shape, and then from the cabins down to the sandy white beach far below, leaving a little diamond shaped garden of succulents.

Clint was the first out of the car, grumbling all the way.

“Great, we’re taking a vacation on the face of the freaking sun.” He circled the car and yanked open Cap’s door, sticking a hand in his face. “Gimme the keys.”

“Clint, part of taking a break from your normal routine is slowing down,” Captain America lectured, hopping out of the SUV and turning to haul the cooler with him. “Tony will open the doors. Just help Bruce start unloading the car.”

The suggestion was met with a storm of grumbling and muttering as Hawkeye spun and stomped to the back of the vehicle to yank open the back hatch.

Steve watched him go with a sigh.

“I hope he calms down after some sun.”

The interior of the cabin he had opened first was all white and blue like the outside, giving it a decidedly beach-y feel.

There was a small kitchen to the left of the door and a living room to the right. The kitchen had boldly striped blue and white curtains and dishtowels which matched the couch and love seat set in the living room.

There the kitchen window, which opened and had a wide windowsill, looked out onto a pale wooden deck overlooking the sea with two knotted white roped hammock chairs that swayed gently in the ocean breeze.

“Wow,” Tony heard Steve breath from behind him. He turned and found the captain looking over the couches curiously, cooler clutched to his chest. Stepping past him, Cap ducked into the kitchen and sat the cooler on the counter before he peeked in the fridge. There was a rustling sound, then Steve turned back to him and smiled, raising up a bunch of leafy greens in one hand. “It came with kale. Impressive.”

“Dibs on the room with the biggest bed!” Clint told Tony, brushing past him and heading down the small hallway in the middle of the back wall.

He almost sounded excited.

Tony glanced after him, a little irked.

"Now he's excited," he said drolly.

Bruce wandered in through the door, glancing around. With his stubble and messy hair, the very casual hoodie and sneakers he wore with his jeans, and the slouchy elbows-to-your-sides posture, the scientist looked decidedly out of place in the photography-worthy perfection of the cabin. 

"This's nice," he told Tony uneasily, pausing near the door to glance at him. "Maybe I should sleep outside."

Tony raised both brows. 

"You're kidding, right?"

“Bruce, why don’t you stay in the room with Clint? Hulk likes him. I think,” Steve told them with a frown. “The brochure said the beds were hammocks, so at least there’s not much to smash.”

The captain turned back and started to unload the cooler into the fridge, adding to Bruce, “Can you tell Clint to bring his cooler back?”

Bruce was still hanging around near the door like going further into the cabin would somehow make the Hulk appear and rip the roof off or something. At Cap's request, he fidgeted for a minute, glancing back outside at the bright sun, then stepped quickly off in the direction Clint had gone.

"Right. Sure, I can do that."

“Whoa! This is so awesome!” Jan gasped, sweeping into the door with a big grin. “Tony, Tony! Can I have the other key?” The Wasp stuck a hand out to him, big blue eyes blinking sweetly.

Tony smiled at her, encouraged that at least SOMEBODY was having the reaction people usually had to a gorgeous beach getaway and freedom from work for a full week. He handed her the key to the other cabin. 

"There you go, make yourself at home."

Squealing with excitement, Wasp zipped back out the door with the key held over her in victory.

“I got it!” Tony heard her shouting.

Steve smiled after her, coming back around the counter and past Tony.

“Want to help me unload the car?”

Tony chuckled at Jan's enthusiasm, nodding. 

"Sure, sure." He started out of the door, taking note of where the others were. Everyone except for Hank was already inside the cabin. The blond scientist was pulling a couple of regular-sized suitcases--that was to say, large-for-regular-sized--out of the trunk with a determined frown. Back at the mansion Hank had offered to shrink the luggage to make it super easy to carry, but Tony had known exactly what he was up to, and wouldn't allow it. No sneaking along a whole lab shrunken down small enough to pack. No conveniently having to bring along the Pym particle gun to resize the luggage and everything else. This was a low-tech vacation, and Hank would have to carry full-size luggage like everybody else.

The guy dropped the suitcases with a start, though, staring wide-eyed into the trunk. 

"What...HOW?"

Tony exchanged a glance with Cap and started that way. If some super villain had somehow managed to cram themselves into the damn trunk to get at them, he was gonna...

"Whoa!" A familiar youthful voice exclaimed from the trunk. "Whoops, wrong trunk, this isn't New Jersey!"

Hurrying over to look in the trunk too, Cap’s eye widened.

“Peter? What are you doing in the trunk?” Steve was quick to lean and offer his hands to Spider-Man.

Taking them with some decidedly sheepish body language, the young hero climbed out of the car in his full crime-fighting costume. 

"Okay, wrong trunk sounded funnier in my head," he admitted with a nervous laugh. Reaching into the trunk, he pulled out a familiar green tackle box--Bruce's fishing box that they had forgotten. "So, I got to the mansion right when everybody was pulling out of there in actual CARS--like, normal, non-flying, non-armored, no Avengers branding..."

"We get it," Tony interrupted drolly, stepping up and crossing his arms. "How'd you go from there to inside the trunk?"

Peter held up both hands quickly. 

"I-I was just gonna put Dr. Banner's fishing stuff in there! But I had the trunk open and shoved the box in, and then you sorta...swerved?" He illustrated a sharp left turn with one hand, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly with the other. "And, wow this's embarrassing, but I sorta had my hand stuck to the tackle box so it didn't open or anything, annnd went into the trunk head-first. And then it slammed shut. With me in there. Sorry?"

Quirking an eyebrow dubiously at him, Steve crossed his arms.

“Peter, why’d you follow us? This was a secret mission from day one. And…” He glanced down at the red and blue costume. “Did you bring any spare clothes?”

“Ah man!” Clint groaned from behind them. He rushed in the middle of the gathered group, snagging the fishing box and shoving it back into the trunk.

“Barton, what are you DOING?” Steve asked, leaning to grab the tackle box. Both blonds stared each other down for a second before Clint relented.

“I didn’t forget it—I LEFT it behind! We’re here for a WEEK and I’ll bet you that Bruce will spend every damn minute fishing!”

Tony raised both hands and looked skyward in exasperation. 

"WOW, so the one guy who actually has a low-tech hobby doesn't get to do it on vacation? Have a heart, Clint--fishing was probably his entire plan and now he doesn't know what to do with himself."

He turned to Spider-Man and sighed in good-natured resignation. "Look, kid, as long as your aunt won't freak out if you're gone for a week, you're free to stick around with the Avengers here. You have to lose the suit, though, we're all going low-tech and normal for this."

"Oh... Uh, right, sure," Peter said sheepishly. "I didn't really bring any spare clothes or anything, I kind of jumped onto the car with the tackle box and that's it..."

"I'm sure somebody has something you can borrow that'll fit," Tony countered. "'Til then, at least take the mask off."

"But we're out in the open," Peter said, gesturing around them. 

"The whole resort's private," Tony said, laughing. "It's just us and the ocean."

"Oh."

Glancing around quickly, Clint slammed the trunk shut and leaned on it protectively.

With a frown, Steve pushed Clint aside with very little effort and reopened the trunk, fishing out the tackle box. He dropped it into Clint’s arms. 

“Give that to Bruce.”

Hawkeye’s eyes narrowed, then Steve’s narrowed as they stared at one another.

“Tsk, fine,” Clint groaned, heading back to the cabin.

Watching his back until he was inside the cabin again, Cap turned to Tony and cleared his throat.

“Pepper called when it was my turn to drive. Um, she said that the beach ISN’T private. The vacation cabin owner just REALLY wanted your business. So, he’s right.” He gestured to Spidey.

Peter turned to Tony and shrugged. 

Tony blinked at them, then shook his head. 

"Oookay. I guess they have a different idea of reserving the entire resort for one group than I do. I'll worry about that later--now we REALLY don't need any other people seeing Spider-Man go into our cabin, so get inside and change already!"

He got a little salute from Peter, who zipped off into the nearest cabin. He zipped back out again, glancing back over his shoulder a few times, and then ran into the cabin Tony had the key to instead.

"So Dr. Banner gets to bring along HIS hobby supplies," Hank said flatly, reminding them all that he was still there. He scooped up his suitcases again and sighed. "Jan wouldn't even let me bring a microscope, and those have been around for centuries, they qualify as 'low-tech'..." Still muttering, he trudged off to his cabin with the suitcases, shoulders slumped.

Tony looked after him and shook his head. 

"Jan's smart enough to know he'd be too busy looking at tiny bugs to notice her in her bikini."

As the captain turned, he was distracted by a woman jogging past them in tiny shorts and a bikini top, a panting orange corgi dog in tow.

Rubbing his neck, Steve started picking suitcases and stuffed tote bags out of the trunk.

“Are there a lot of bugs at the beach?”

"There are a lot of bugs in hot climates," Tony said, shrugging. "This's practically the tropics. But Hank does science every day--and listen, if I can leave my armor and business and high tech smart house for a week, he live without mapping bug genomes for that long! Am I wrong?"

"Huh? Bug genomes?" Peter asked, making Tony jump. When had the kid gotten back? He was wearing some purple jeans that had to belong to Bruce, a slightly oversized gray T-shirt with "Donutstravaganza!!! 1998" plastered across the chest in hot pink, rainbow-sprinkled lettering, and no shoes.

"Please tell me you got that shirt from Hawkeye," Tony replied immediately, trying not to smirk.

"Dr. Banner says he goes through shirts so fast he buys whatever's cheapest from the thrift store," Peter explained, shrugging. "I'm kind of glad this one's not gonna get ripped up--it looks like something Wa--uh, s-somebody I know would wear." He plastered on a slightly too-enthusiastic grin and added, "I'm gonna go check out the beach now," before dashing off.

Half buried in luggage, Steve started back to the cabin, adding to Tony, “Shouldn’t we send him home? I feel like there’s going to be a lot of alcohol this weekend.”

Tony shrugged. 

"Virgin margaritas are a thing. I doubt he's ever been on an all-expenses-paid vacation before, and it's not like we don't have space for him." He paused, glancing down the beach. Two figures were just getting their feet wet in the ocean foam. The bright pink lettering on Peter's shirt was a pop of color even from this far away. "We should make sure he calls his aunt, though. Don't want to freak her out."

He grabbed the last couple of suitcases out of the car--which looked a lot easier when Cap did it--and slowly made his way after the blond man. "S-so... What should we do with the evening? No TV to watch, no training room to work out in, no...no idea what we're having for dinner. Hm."

“I’d love to try my hand at 21st century cooking,” Cap told him, smiling back at him as he went into their cabin.

As soon as Tony followed after him, he spotted Clint on the larger couch. After all his whining in the car about being bored and hating the idea of a vacation—the archer was out cold, bruised arms hugged over his stomach as he was snoring.

Steve gave him a smirk in passing, heading down the hall to where the website had said the bedrooms were located.

Tony followed, still lugging the last two suitcases. Whether he liked it or not, Clint needed a break. He was probably going to be a lot more cheerful tomorrow morning when there was fresh coffee. 

The bedroom he chose on the right looked exactly like it had in the photos--a nautical-themed room with driftwood wall decor, round porthole-style windows, and a hammock in two of the four corners set at an angle. Tony moved over to the nearest wall and sat the suitcases there to lean against it, sighing in relief. 

"Phew. Okay, that and the drive here had to be the toughest parts. Now it's time to just relax."

“If there are four beds in each cabin, where is Peter going to sleep? If T’challa, Thor, Pym and Jan are in the other cabin, and Bruce, Clint, you and I are here—where’s Peter going to sleep?”

"Huh. Maybe Bruce CAN sleep outside on the beach if he wants," Tony said sheepishly. He hadn't thought things through that far yet. It seemed counter to their group vacation to leave a member of the group outside overnight, though. "We'll figure something out. The kid's shrimpy, these cabins are big--we could make him a sleeping bag or something."

“Or the couch, I guess,” Cap suggested, casting a long look at the hammock. “I can sleep on the couch, actually. Peter can have my bed.”

Without waiting for Tony to reply, Steve started out into the hallway.

Tony sighed and started after him. It had been a long drive here, and sitting down would be nice sometime soon. He had a little more energy in him, though. Had to see this through--he'd voted to let Peter stay, so now they had to make sure he had somewhere to actually, well, stay.

A smart home with walls that folded down into spare beds would've been super handy right about now.  


* * *

  
The beach was gorgeous. There were indeed people around, though. Mostly rich fancy types on their folding lounge chairs, with massive colorful umbrellas over their heads while they read on their tablets.

Low tech. Right.

The sand was surprisingly soft between Peter’s toes as he wriggled them. The water was warm too, swirling up in bubbling waves around his ankles. It was hypnotizing to watch it for too long. So hypnotizing, that he didn’t notice the wave’s much larger cousin as it knocked him clean off of his feet.

Sputtering out seawater, Peter found himself chuckling. He could fight off all of the weirdos in animal suits back home, but water caught him off-guard? It may have been kind of a long day in the trunk.

A big hand gripped one of his arms and pulled him upright, placing him onto his feet. Peter wiped wet brown hair out of his eyes and looked up to find himself face to face with Thor. The most casually-dressed Thor he'd ever seen--the guy was wearing blue board shorts with yellow lightning bolts up the sides and a white tank top. 

"Thanks," Peter told him, spitting out a bit of seaweed with a grimace. "Um...do you surf, is that why you're dressed like that?" 

He got a hearty laugh in return. 

"I should ask you the same about whether you do whatever a 'donutstravaganza' is!" 

"Fair point," Peter said with an uneasy laugh back.

Behind Thor, not far down the beach, Peter noticed a gaggle of young kids racing with a bucket full of water carried between two of them.

Wow, when was the last time he built a sandcastle?

But the kids weren’t headed for a sandcastle. They raced up to one of the giant fancy umbrellas and flung the water bucket at the woman lounging there, who screamed and jumped to her feet—shaking water from her book angrily.

As the kids squealed happily and raced Peter’s way, he saw the woman raise a hand ominously.

Spotting him and Thor, her hand snapped shut and she retreated under the umbrella shyly.

As the big blond man was heading off, Peter heard a woman clear her throat behind him.

As he turned, he found that it was the woman from under the umbrella.

She was taller than him, with an Amazonian build that was barely contained in a strappy dark green bikini.

Her black hair was back in a loose braid, which hung over her shoulder and was long enough to brush the middle of her thigh, ending in a tiny curl.

As she propped a hand on her hip, her damp book tucked under her arms, she gestured down the beach.

“Are you staying with that man?” She asked quietly, her almond shaped emerald eyes glancing after Thor.

Peter glanced after Thor and blushed a bit. Oh. Go figure, anybody would notice Thor's muscles in that outfit... 

"Uh, yup," he said, trying to look at the woman without, well, looking at her. That bikini left very little to the imagination. "Why?"

“Oh, well,” the woman mumbled, growing shy as she played with the tip of her braid. “He’s awfully handsome. Is he staying here long? I’d love to say hello. Oh!” She put a hand to her mouth, showing off long gold nails. “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be creepy! My name’s Lola. You are?” She offered her hand to him, smiling.

Offering a smile, Peter stuck out a hand. 

"I'm Peter--nice to meet you! I think we'll be around for a couple weeks, judging by how much luggage everybody brought. I kind of came with at the last minute," he explained awkwardly.

“It’s nice to meet you, too, Peter.” Lola shook his hand and then hugged her book to her chest, peering down the beach. “A couple of weeks,” she said with a sigh. For some reason, she suddenly seemed way less excited.

“I think you’re a bit too young to know this, but a couple weeks is too long for a summer fling,” Lola told him, turning and heading back under her umbrella. A hand waved back to him. “It was nice to meet you Peter!”

Before Spidey could react, another voice was saying his name.

“Peter?” It was Cap. He was standing at the bottom of the steps that led up to the cabins, scanning the beach for him.

A familiar flock of giggles sounded behind Peter and he saw a little girl with brown pigtails rushing to join a boy and girl. All were armed with squirt guns.

“There you are,” Steve said, giving him a smile as he stepped off of the last step. “Listen, there are only eight beds between both cabins, so I want you to share a room with Tony. Is that alright?”

Glancing back at the kids, Peter opened his mouth to just agree distractedly, but then the words sank in. Eight beds, and how many Avengers? Thor, Jan, Hank, T'challa, Clint, Dr. Banner, Tony, Steve... 

And one stowaway spider.

"Oh, that's not necessary," he said quickly, waving his hands and mustering a smile. "I nap upside-down on the roof ALL the time back home--sometimes it's like I don't even need a bed. I figured I'd just do that here!" He paused and peeked back over his shoulder, but luckily it didn't seem anybody else had heard him talking about sleeping upside-down on the ceiling. "Maybe we should go back inside to talk about this," he suggested to Cap.

“Doesn’t that make it hard to sleep?” Cap asked, worried. “Do you have to focus on staying stuck to the roof?”

The First Avenger led the way back up the steps to the cabin.

“I can go to the shop at the edge of the beach and get you a tooth brush and some basics. Is there anything else you need? Sandals? Underwear? A comb?”

"Um. Possibly all of those things?" Peter followed him quickly, feeling like he was turning Cap and Tony's vacation into work. "I really should've thought this through better--I'm sorry, now you have to go to all this trouble..."

Glancing back over his shoulder, he added uncertainly, "Hey, do you know if Thor's single?"

Steve stopped mid-step, turning to stare at him. The blond tipped his head curiously.

“…Why do you want to know?” He asked slowly.

Somehow, 'lady I just met on the beach wants to have a summer fling with him' seemed like a strange explanation. Peter decided to try and stay a little vague, shrugging and being casual about it.

"He's just dressed up nice like he's trying to catch somebody's attention, and Jane Foster's not here, so I thought m-maybe they broke up or something? Maybe Thor just looks good in anything," Peter mused seriously. 'God-like' was a pretty good description of the guy's build. And not everybody could pull off that long flowing hairstyle, either. Sigh.

Still making a face, Cap continued up to the cabin.

“I honestly don’t know. I hate to say it, but out of all of the Avengers, I know the most about Tony. Thor usually keeps his private life to himself.”

Peter realized in bemusement that he probably knew way more about Thor's dating life than Cap ever did since he'd seen Thor and Jane out on dates. Weird thought.

"Well, uh, it's no big deal. Forget I even asked," he said sheepishly. "How is Tony, anyway? I'm amazed he agreed to leave his tech behind for weeks!" Well, he assumed weeks.

“It’s just for the week,” Cap corrected quickly as they reached the cabin door. The blond man stopped, glancing at the door and lowering his voice. “Tony’s alright, but I think he has dating trouble of his own.”

Peter raised both eyebrows, which was a pretty Tony-like expression now that he thought of it. 

"Oh yeah? I guess he probably wouldn't admit it if he did, but I've never even SEEN him on a date," he confessed. "So maybe he's on this vacation to get away from things, huh?"

For some reason, the thought of Tony dating anybody seemed kind of wrong. As much notoriety as he had for being a playboy, Peter knew him as a super smart tech-obsessed...well, dad type. Maybe it was because he and Cap were like the parents of the Avengers. Peter almost laughed as he realized maybe Tony dating seemed wrong because he was already "married" to Steve, but then that idea sounded surprisingly reasonable and not like a big joke. 

Oh, no. Did Tony have dating trouble with STEVE?

“I’m sure you can relate, Peter. Fighting crime doesn’t leave a lot of time for romance,” Cap told him, patting his shoulder and opening the cabin door for him.

As soon as the door was open, Clint Barton was stepping through it, hand up to shade his eyes from the sun. He mumbled to himself and stepped around them, heading for the beach.

“Clint, please put on some sunscreen!” Cap called after him quickly, concerned. He shook his head, waving a hand after Clint’s retreating back. “He always falls asleep and gets burned,” he sighed.

Peter gave Clint a passing smile, but he was still troubled thinking about Cap and Tony. Steve said he knew about Tony's love life, of all of the Avengers. How exactly did he know? It lined up that maybe they were dating each other, and that was bad, because that meant Tony's dating trouble was also Steve's dating trouble. What if they had a bad break up? Would the Avengers do the superhero version of dividing a household in a divorce...? 

"Yeah, well, y'know," Peter managed to reply, realizing Cap had commented on his own dating. Or lack thereof. "There's a lot of crime, and...gotta be responsible and stuff." He cleared his throat nervously and lowered his voice. "Hey, you think Tony's, uh, troubles are anything we could maybe help with?"

Dr. Banner trudged past them with a beach towel rolled under one arm then, still fully dressed. Peter exchanged a glance with him and got the impression that he had somehow heard every word Peter was trying to say quietly. And he didn't look surprised. Oh, oh no. What if everybody already knew but Peter?

“Well, how many models do YOU know?” Steve joked, heading inside. The living room area of the cabin was empty. Everyone must have finally settled in to do their own thing.

Cap went straight to the kitchen, digging through the fridge. He smiled as he offered Peter a root beer. 

"Thanks," Peter said, brightening as he took the bottle. He glanced back into the cabin to try and locate Tony. A blue glue from waaaay back in the corner told him either Tony was changing shirts, or more likely he was on his phone while he thought nobody was watching. Satisfied he wasn't paying attention to them, Peter lowered his voice and popped the cap off of the root beer. "I don't think what he does with the models is 'dating', exactly, Cap."

“What Tony does is his business. As long as he does what he needs to do to keep the Avengers together, I keep my nose out of his private life. I’m done arguing with him about it,” Cap told him quietly, taking a long sip from his root beer like it might have been an ACTUAL beer.

Peter sipped his root beer to try and hide the look on his face. Sooo, Cap supposedly kept out of Tony's private life, but had also argued with him about it. If that didn't sound an 'I'm done, we're broken up for good,' Peter wasn't sure what did. Although, if Tony still saw all of those models, talk about being a cheater. 

Abruptly, Peter felt terrible for poor Cap. He'd try talking to Tony alone, he decided, and figuring out what HE thought was going on. Maybe it wasn't actually divorce yet, maybe there was still a chance. Maybe this was why he'd stowed away in a car trunk for 10+ hours.

His stomach gave a shockingly loud grumble as the root beer hit it, and he laughed nervously. 

"Sorry, I skipped breakfast. I was in a hurry."

Smooth subject change, Pete, he thought sarcastically. It wasn't like he'd TIMED the stomach growling, though...

Looking worried, Cap held up a hand. 

“You shouldn’t drink that! Sugar will spoil your appetite. There’s plenty of real food here.” The captain turned and quickly started to take sandwich fixings out of the fridge, placing them on the counter. “Do you like ham and cheese?”


	2. So Done in the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, turns out I was wrong about us posting once a week on Tuesdays--we're now posting a chapter on Tuesday and a chapter on Friday each week. ♥ Onward, to the shenanigans!

_Where the hell am I gonna hide it?_ Clint thought to himself over and over, making his way down to the beach. Cap was right about the sunscreen, but Hawkeye had a more important task on his mind; hiding that damned tackle box.

If Bruce got hold of it, the freckled scientist was going to spend all week sitting by the water and ignoring Clint. 

Who else was Clint supposed to hang out with? Bruce was his go-between for the Hulk. Everyone else was boring when they weren’t helping Hawkeye take out bad guys.

Stopping dead at the bottom of the steps, Clint crossed his arms and frowned at the white sandy shoreline.

As if on cue, soft footsteps sounded on the steps behind him. Bruce paused beside him on the same step, a rolled up beach towel under one arm and a weary expression on his face. He followed Clint's gaze out toward the beach. 

"What is it?"

Flinching, Clint dropped his arms to his sides in an attempt to look less angry.

“Uh, nothin’. Just forgot my sunscreen,” he lied thinly, glancing at Bruce, his eyes drifting to the man’s regular clothes. “You know, I have a couple of spare shirts if you want to wear something that won’t make you SWEAT to death.”

Bruce looked down at his navy blue hoodie, nonplussed. 

"After you've lived in a few jungles, this doesn't feel like 'hot weather' anymore," he admitted. Clint was pretty sure he was sweating at least a little bit, though. "...I guess maybe I'm just so used to covering up anywhere there are other people, it's automatic?" The scientist offered, seeing that he wasn't buying the first excuse.

“Should I grab you a shirt, then?” Clint jerked a thumb back up toward the cabin. 

Man, the guy was paler than Clint was! They BOTH needed sunscreen before they spent any time on the beach. Then again, did the brown haired man even burn? When he was himself, Bruce seemed like a pretty normal guy, so Clint assumed the answer was yes.

Bruce glanced back up the steps uneasily. 

"Yeah, thank you. I'm trying to stay out of the cabin," he sighed. "Hulk says hi, by the way. If we want to keep a low profile, we're going to have to stay me all week." Clint couldn't tell if he was happy about that or not, but he could bet that the Hulk wasn't.

“Uh, yeah, that makes sense.” Clint turned and hurried back up the steps. Get Bruce out of the cabin, check. All Hawkeye needed to do was sneak the damned tackle box out of the living room and bury it, then he’d get the entire week with Bruce.

Hulk was his buddy, but he rarely ever got to see Bruce. The man had his nose stuck to his laptop when he wasn’t big and green. 

This was Clint’s one shot.

He was disappointed to see through the open cabin door that Cap and his almost-kid were still hovering in the kitchen. They were chatting and making sandwiches.

Pausing quietly by the edge of the door, Clint watched them for a moment. No, they weren’t distracted enough for him to move the tackle box. He’d stowed it behind the couch in a panic after Cap’s dad lecture, so the archer would have to wait until everyone cleared out of the room to move the loud, clanky box.

Pulling on a casual and somewhat sleepy appearance, Clint wandered in past them into the hallway. The moment he was out of sight, he darted all the way down the hall to he and Bruce’s room, which was at the back across from the Team parents’ room. Hopefully they didn’t have to listen to any more of Steve and Tony’s ‘differences of opinion’, as Cap put it, while on vacation.

Clint was determined to tell them to ‘get a room’ at some point and see if they gave anything away. They HAD to be dating. Nothing else made sense. From the outside, Steve was married to his job and strangely enough, Tony WASN’T dating a long line of women for once, no matter what the tabloids said about Pepper.

Slipping into his room stealthily, Clint rummaged through his suitcase of clothes. He had purposely brought every loud piece of clothes he owned, with logos and colors so bright they burned the corneas.

Smirking as he picked out a lime green pair of swim trunks, bright yellow flip flops and a flower print tank top in blinding magenta, Hawkeye hurried back to the hall--

\--and ran right into Bruce, who made a little 'oof' sound and nearly fell over. Unlike his green alter-ego, the guy didn't weigh very much at all. 

More importantly, what the hell was he doing inside RIGHT after saying he wanted to stay outside? If Clint had actually tried moving the tackle box, he would've been caught red-handed!

Thanking his lucky stars Cap and Peter were having a bonding moment, Clint offered the ball of clothes to Bruce.

“Here ya go. I thought you said you wanted to stay outside?” He added nervously. At least it hadn’t been Tony and at least Clint hadn’t LOOKED like he had been trying to sneak around.

"Thanks," Bruce said wearily, accepting the clothes with a small smile. "I realized changing outside on a public beach is...not a great idea." He looked down at the brightly-colored fabric for a long moment. "..."

“I dunno, I didn’t look for ‘clothes optional’ signs,” Clint joked, turning to go back to his luggage. Sunscreen. Right.

Sighing, Bruce stepped into the room and shut the door. Dropping the clothes into his hammock, he started pulling his hoodie off over his head. 

"Hulk says if he showed up, the beach suddenly would be private, because everybody would run away," he muttered, muffled by the fabric. Tossing the hoodie aside, he pulled off the white T-shirt underneath it next. "Maybe I'll just try to marathon nap for seven straight days..."

Clint’s eyes drifted to the other man’s back, noticing the freckles sprinkled across his shoulders. He looked down at the bottle of sunscreen in his hand.

At least Bruce was probably immune to cancer.

…Which kinda sucked when Clint wanted to help him put on sunscreen. Shaking his head to dismiss the idea, Clint shut and zipped his suitcase shut, just to have something to do that WASN’T staring at Bruce’s back.

First, get rid of tackle box, THEN ask if Bruce is into guys.

When he looked back up, the scientist had gotten dressed already, and was awkwardly adjusting one strap of the neon magenta tank top back up onto his shoulder. Clint's swimming trunks luckily had a drawstring waist. Ironically it was the shirt Bruce was swimming in, so to speak. Now that he'd turned around, Clint noticed a sprinkle of freckles here or there on his neck, shoulders, and arms. Bruce cleared his throat and pulled the tank top off again, shoving the plain white tee back on.

"This's a lot cooler," he admitted to Clint, nodding. "Thanks. Are you gonna stay up here with the team, or...?"

“Ah no,” Clint said quickly, once averting his gaze to the sunscreen instead of Bruce and all his freckles. “I was gonna scout.”

Scout for a spot where he could bury the box. Maybe even out in the water. There was a chance it would be unburied as the waves came and went, but maybe Clint could pike stones on top of it? Or just swim out really far.

"Scout...for what?" Bruce glanced at him and raised a brow, slipping on the yellow flip flops.

“Nap spots,” Clint told him, pretending like it was the most obvious answer. Inwardly, he was trying to repress the flushing his face was trying to do. He wasn’t going to be some red-faced idiot. Hawkeye would be his naturally charming self and see how far that got him when he pointed it at Bruce.

Glancing at the apathetic scientist, it was hard to imagine him having strong feelings about anything other than falling asleep.

Clint could relate there.

Bruce went to shove his hands into his pockets, then realized the swim trunks didn't have any. He lowered his hands back down, shifting from one foot to the other a bit. 

"Mind if I tag along? I think Hulk's missing patrolling with you back home already."

“Aww,” Clint cooed dramatically, stepping over to pat Bruce’s chin with a hand. “I miss you too, buddy. We’ll find something to do. Don’t worry.”

"He says whatever it is will be more fun than fishing," the scientist relayed with a sigh, brown eyes avoiding Clint's. He glanced over at the door like maybe he was planning to dash for it. "Usually he sleeps while I fish, but he can't sleep for a week, so he's not exactly broken up about leaving my tackle box behind."

There was a pause, which Clint was almost certain was time for the Hulk to add commentary inside Bruce's head, and Bruce added drolly, "He's not so excited about my evening plans, either."

“Evening plans?” Hawkeye asked, getting the door for his friend. Even with all the obnoxious colors, Bruce made his new outfit look good. Too bad he had dumped the tank top. He just couldn’t muster guilt over the tackle box. It was a roadblock to getting any closer to Bruce and he was determined to bury the damn thing as soon as he had the chance!

"I thought I'd start a bonfire on the beach," Bruce explained, stepping out and then waiting for Clint to follow him. "The beach at night is nice--most other people will go away until morning, and it'll be quiet. Maybe we could scout for a good bonfire spot while we're outside."

“A-absolutely,” Clint stammered. Bonfires were a totally normal beach thing, but the idea that BRUCE wanted to make a bonfire was just plain…cute?

Laughing nervously, only to realize that he WAS laughing nervously, Clint turned and started off down the hallway. What the actual hell, man! He scolded himself mentally. 

Bruce was used to smart people. Someone he could have a conversation with about…smart things. There was no way Clint had a chance at being smart or APPEARING to be smart, so he’d have to use something else.

Apparently, being a nervous idiot, he thought darkly as he reached the kitchen-living room.

He’d faced off with cross-dimensional aliens, crazy robots, Nazi-wannabes and super villains, all while cracking a joke and a smile.

Why was the scrawny little scientist so intimidating!

“Clint, wait,” Cap stopped him with a hand on his chest. “Please put on some sunscreen.”

“Yeah, DAD, I’ve got it RIGHT here!” Clint quipped, hoisting the big bottle up for Captain America to see.

“Oh,” Cap said, glancing at the sunscreen. Then he went back to the kitchen, snagging a root beer off of the counter.

Root beer, Clint observed, giving Bruce a quick, pointed glance. That was Cap’s drink of choice when he was having a bad day and wanted to remember better times.

Catching the look, Bruce leaned and peeked into the kitchen as he stepped past. He carefully said nothing until they were outside, but turned to Clint immediately when they were. 

"That's a giant bottle of sunscreen. Would you mind if I used some, too?" 

Maybe Hulk was around enough to notice the root beer thing, but clearly Bruce didn't catch the significance. "Cap looks kind of miserable," he added under his breath, though, glancing back over his shoulder at the cabin.

“Yeah, root beer miserable,” Clint grumbled before the scientist’s words sunk in. Sunscreen? Bruce needed sunscreen? Playing it cool, Clint shrugged. “Sure, I can get your back if you want.”

"Probably a good idea. This shirt's thin," Bruce said, and sounded weary yet again. He should've been a LITTLE more energetic after napping most of their 10-hour road trip, but nope. "Let's go down to the beach, though, okay?" Much more quietly, he added, "Then we can talk about Cap."

That was too close to a whisper for Clint and he just managed a nod before he started down the steps to the beach.

Dammit. He had to get his shit together. 

It was almost noon and the beach looked as busy as earlier. A happy looking couple chatted as they scrolled by, hand in hand and lost in each other’s gaze.

Gross, Clint thought bitterly, turning to talk to Bruce.

“Okay, I know Hulk knows this, but Cap only drinks root beer soda when he’s mopey!”

Realizing that his back was exposed to the sun behind him, Clint hurriedly opened the sunscreen bottle and started sloppily slathering up. No burns this time, mister sunlight. No sir.

“You want me to, uh, get your back?” He offered, glancing hopefully at Bruce.

The scientist started stepping around him. 

"Maybe I'd better get yours first--you missed a few spots," he said, and sounded like he was trying not to laugh. The missed spots must be pretty big.

Freezing in place, Clint held the sunscreen up over his shoulder.

“Here.” 

With how many handfuls of sunscreen Clint had just slapped onto his back, Bruce could probably just smear it around and cover everything.

Bruce waved the bottle away, putting both palms on Clint's back behind his shoulders and smoothing what felt like quite a bit of sunscreen up onto his neck and over each shoulder. Clint was a lot more familiar with the Hulk's hands than Bruce's--that one time Hulk had grabbed him by the freaking face the day they met was particularly memorable--so the careful, light movements were pretty unexpected. It almost felt TOO careful, like Bruce was afraid of applying any pressure at all. He was pretty thorough, though, covering Clint's upper back, the tops of his shoulders, and the back and sides of his neck.

"Okay..." Bruce side-stepped around so that Clint could see him and reached and swiped sunscreen from both hands onto Clint's arms. "You'd better get your ears and nose, too."

“YUP!” With his face glowing, Clint couldn’t look Bruce in the eye. JEEZ. Gathering the sunscreen off his arms on his fingers, he hurriedly coated his face. Hopefully the sunscreen was opaque enough to cover all his damned blushing.

Blowing out a quick breath, Clint regained his composure and managed to look at Bruce.

“S-so, Cap and Tony must be having trouble in p-paradise!”

Any subject change was good. No more sexy sunscreen application.

Apparently oblivious to that idea, Bruce shrugged and pulled off his T-shirt. 

"You think so? I wasn't aware there was any 'paradise' going on between them," he said, picking up the sunscreen bottle Clint had abandoned on the ground and putting some on his hand. Rubbing it onto his arms like he was trying to warm up in the cold, he nodded at Clint. "You've got a sunscreen spot on your forehead, by the way."

Clint mumbled, rubbing his forehead.

“I dunno, they just seem so married. They have breakfast together and chat about the news. And argue. A lot. Hey, let me get your back,” he said quickly, snagging the bottle and squirting a blob onto his palm. 

Bruce rotated in place, facing out toward the beach. 

"Hulk kind of agrees with you. I shouldn't be surprised, but I am. Tony Stark is famous for being a playboy, at least the rest of the world sure thinks so." He sighed, rubbing sunscreen into his neck and then bowing his head to put it on his face and ears. "Maybe it's even worse than that--maybe Cap tried asking him out and got turned down."

Suddenly concerned that was going to happen to him, Clint tried to just coat his friend’s back and NOT waste time examining the kissable freckles. 

Nope. Not thinking about it. Not thinking… Clint tried to tell himself.

“That’d suck,” he told Bruce as he started on the backs of the other man’s arms. “Cap’s a better catch than Tony could dream of.”

"You think so?" Bruce sounded a bit surprised. "I guess he's Captain America, who doesn't think so..." He shifted on his feet slightly, shoulders slumping. "The team has a lot of good-looking people. Tony isn't exactly hideous, himself."

Okay, that felt like an opportunity to say something about how hot Tony was. All Clint had to do was say it. Just start the conversation rolling that way.

“Uh, not my type,” he said, settling for being vague.

"More of a Captain America type for you, huh? Hulk's really quiet all of a sudden." Bruce's shoulders shook as he laughed quietly to himself.

Stunned for a second by the laugh and convenient comment, Clint cleared his throat.

“I’m not into blonds, either,” he clarified. “I like brown—brown eyes, brown hair. Sorry buddy,” he added, patting Bruce’s back in an attempt to reach the Hulk.

The scientist actually chuckled even more at that. 

"Okay, Clint, I'm not sure why you're really apologizing to him, but I'm pretty sure it's not why he thinks." He turned around, reaching for his T-shirt again with a smile lingering on his face. Bruce didn't smile a whole lot, and it was kind of nice. Except for the part where Hulk thought that apology meant something weird, and Bruce totally overlooked how brown hair and brown eyes looked like HIM.

“I like people who are smarter than me,” Clint added, dropping the sunscreen at the bottom of the stairs to the cabins. No one else was staying up there, so nobody better steal it. Wiping his hands on his trunks, he shrugged. “So you think Tony’s straight. I dunno, I’ve seen the way he looks at Cap in the morning. Doin’ his push ups.” Clint winked at Bruce. “I don’t think he’s as straight as you think.”

It only dawned on him afterward that the wink might have been taken differently than he wanted it to be. That was probably a good thing, considering how his flirting record was going today.

Bruce looked surprisingly thoughtful about what he was saying. He crossed his arms and looked at Clint for a moment. 

"Are you sure Tony isn't your type? He's got dark hair, brown...well, sort of topaz amber-ish...eyes, you're paying attention to who he might be interested in, and he's WAY smarter than you," he pointed out.

“Ugh, no thanks. He’s a cocky control freak!” Clint grumbled, looking out at the ocean. “You know, it’s really hot out here. Let’s go swim for a few minutes, then we can look for bonfire spots. ‘Kay?”

A dunk in water was all he needed to clear his thoughts. With how dodgy he was, Bruce was probably straight too.

Not that Clint believed Tony was straight for a second.

"Sure," Bruce said easily, glancing up and down the beach. As if finding a spot without other people was even possible right now.

Spotting a set of rocks poking out of the bobbing waves, Clint pointed to them.

“There’s a good spot.” He led the way across the sand, keeping watch for anybody who might startle Bruce. Joggers, kids, crabs. If the Hulk came out, Tony might cut the week short.

They passed one of many huge umbrellas on the beach and Clint noticed a set of women’s feet resting on her lounge chair, gold toenails sparkling in the sun.

It kinda sucked that the beach wasn’t private. Now, even if he managed to convince Bruce to do anything, they had to dodge a whole beach full of people AND Ma and Pa Avenger.

Bruce definitely kept glancing around at the people as they walked, sticking close to Clint's side. He had a carefully neutral look on his face, and seemed to regret leaving his hoodie behind in the cabin. When they reached the water, he practically charged into the waves like he was escaping dry land.

Grinning, Clint followed him in, diving as soon as the water was deep enough.

Sinking below the waves, he kicked his feet and wrapped his arms around Bruce’s waist, faking like he was going to pull him under before surfacing beside him.

“Wow, the water’s warm.”

A cold shower would have worked better, but eh.

Bruce popped up beside him, shaggy brown hair hanging in his eyes and his white T-shirt practically transparent plastered to his chest. 

"It's nice," he said, and then grabbed Clint's arms as a wave did its best to wash them both off of their feet. "Sorry, sorry. Wow, I can't believe this."

“Can’t believe what?” Clint asked, sliding his hands down to hold Bruce’s. Just to help him keep his balance. His hair was hanging in his eyes, but fixing it meant letting go of the scientist’s hands.

Bruce was in the exact same predicament, hair hanging in his eyes. He gave Clint's hands a little squeeze and smiled sheepishly. 

"It's Hulk. Usually he loves swimming, but I think he's asleep right now. I guess he didn't nap in the car earlier when I did." He braced his feet as another wave washed over them--a bigger one, waist-height. "It's been years since I swam as me without him at least riding along in my head."

“I wasn’t sure you even could swim.” They were alone? Like, for real? The thought made Clint’s stomach flutter a bit, but he just smiled. Thank GOD he didn’t give that tackle box back!

Bruce smiled wryly. 

"Where did you think Hulk learned to do a breaststroke from, exactly?" He let go of one of Clint's hands to finally reach up and wipe the wet dark hair out of his eyes. Nonchalantly, he reached up and swiped Clint's bangs out of his face next, nodding. "I still haven't actually gotten to swim yet, so maybe we should head for the rocks now."

“Race ya!” Clint barked, jumping back into the water. How the hell was Bruce being so casual about touching him? 

For as long as Clint knew the scientist, physical contact was a big no-no for him. Any unexpected contact had the potential to summon the Hulk and therefore, all the Avengers tried not to touch Bruce. Ever.

Speeding through the water, Clint peeked back over his shoulder, hand forward to stop himself on the first rock.

Was it okay if he touched Bruce now? Bruce was touching HIM.

He couldn't see Bruce in the water behind him--he must be underneath the surface. A wave washed over Clint, and the whole world seemed to sway along with it.

A splash sounded to his left, and he heard Bruce mumble something about seaweed, sounding uneasy.

“Bruce?” Clint called, missing the rock with his hand entirely. The right side of his face connected with solid stone. Was that his neck popping or his jaw? Something really hurt. It could be one of the many bruises adorning his face, freshly scraped up thanks to the damn rock. 

Growling at his attacker and treading water, he looked around for Bruce. At least he couldn’t drown.

The skinny scientist was bobbing in the water off where Clint had heard the mutter before. He swam quickly up to the side of the rock and grabbed it, looking over at Clint with practically glowing green eyes. Hulk might not be so asleep anymore.

"Clint, your face is bleeding." Bruce pulled himself onto the rock quickly and turned to offer both hands down to Clint. "Here, come on."

“It’s alright,” Clint told him, though he still took one of the offered hands. As he climbed up, he tried not to actually put too much weight on Bruce’s hand. The guy was built like a stick.

Wiping his cheek with the back of his hand, Clint frowned at the smear of blood. Turning to Bruce, he was disappointed to see that the brown haired man’s eyes were still green. Way to ruin the afternoon, Clint, he thought in disappointment.

Bruce had seemed like he was actually having a good time splashing around.

“Seriously. I’m alright,” Clint said again, wiping his cheek again.

"I heard that popping sound," Bruce informed him, unconvinced. He didn't seem to be freaking out. Maybe the green eyes were from getting his heart rate up swimming? That, or he was freaked out and playing it cool. Bruce hovered his hands near Clint's face, adding, "Let me see."

Leaning closer, Clint felt HIS heart beat a little faster at the scientist’s touch. Feeling exposed, the archer kept his eyes looking anywhere other than at Bruce. That would just be awkward as hell.

“So,” he mumbled, trying to come up with something to say. Finding that his brain had suddenly gone on vacation itself, he left it at that.

Bruce gripped his chin and turned his face carefully, examining the bleeding side. 

"It's a pretty big scrape, but shallow--nothing too serious," he concluded, moving the other hand to feel the other side of Clint's face. It almost felt nice, if not for the fingers poking at his jaw and then moving to do the same to his neck. 

Bruce sat back and frowned at him thoughtfully, his eyes slowly shifting back to their usual soft brown. "You'll probably have either a neck ache or a jaw ache later, depending on what that pop was, but you're okay. I'm sorry I distracted you and made you look back." He sighed, glancing down at the waves washing against the rock. "Thought something grabbed my ankle, but it turned out to just be a piece of seaweed."

“Don’t worry about it,” Clint told him.

So, Bruce hadn’t been worried about him at all, the archer concluded silently, leaning back on the rock and looking down at the water, too. Worrying about him was a waste of time, anyway. Being bruised and achy was daily life.

It was hot enough that the rock was warm against his back and Clint took the opportunity to lay down.

Even if he couldn’t get a date this week, it’d be nice to hang out with Bruce and get to know the guy better. Clint turned his head, watching the water dripping from his friend.

From Black Widow to this scrawny nerd, he thought curiously. Maybe the concussions are stackin’ up.

Bruce sat on the rock with his feet hanging off the side into the water. He was facing away from the beach, but looked over at Clint almost immediately, gaze traveling over the big scrape on his cheek. 

"What are we doing, Clint?" He asked wearily.

“Mandatory relaxation.” The blond sighed, staring off into the sky. There were lots of puffy white clouds far off on the horizon, drifting along slowly like they didn’t have a care in the world. There was even a big gray one in there, but none of the other clouds minded.

Blinking sleepily, Clint couldn’t help a yawn.

No, he couldn’t sleep yet—he and Bruce had barely gotten to swim. Mustering all his effort, Clint pushed himself back up into a sitting position.

“You wanna look for that bonfire spot? We can do it while swimming, if you want.”

Bruce looked at him the way he usually did when Hulk was giving running commentary inside his head. 

"It would clean the scrape out really well," he ventured, after what felt like a really long time. "Do you really think..." He paused, looking down into the water pensively. "If Cap and Tony really are together, and having issues, that's bad for everybody. Imagine if the team split up. We should try and help mediate."

“The Avengers wouldn’t break apart, come on.” After sputtering about the idea, Clint thought it over for a moment, then frowned at Bruce. 

Those two really were the parents of the group. If they had an explosive divorce, where would that leave New York? Or the planet, when the next alien conqueror came in?

“Well,” he ventured slowly. “We’re not near a bunch of computers or bad guys, so maybe they’ll work their issues out on their own.”

Talking about Cap and Tony being gay didn't faze Bruce even slightly, yet he seemed completely oblivious to the concept that Clint might be interested in him. Was Clint just not even on his radar as an option...? Was Bruce's type Captain America?

At least that meant he liked blonds, Clint comforted himself.

“How about tonight, at the bonfire, I try to get Tony talkin’ with some help from my friend Señor Tequila and YOU get Cap to open up?”

As soon as he explained the plan, he cringed. No, no, no. That meant Bruce was talking to Cap—who he may have a crush on. Then again, if Bruce wanted to matchmake Tony and Cap, how serious could it be?

Rubbing his temple, Clint sighed. Sending Bruce to talk to Cap still made sense. The scientist was pretty easy to talk to.

"They both know Hulk better than me, but I'll do my best," Bruce promised. "We've got to figure out what's going on with them. Once we do, promise me we'll talk it over before we do anything to try and mediate, okay?"

“Of course,” Clint agreed with a shrug, sticking a hand out toward Bruce and grinning. “You’re way smarter than me.”

Bruce shook his hand, smiling uneasily. "Well I'm also not very smooth at bonfire beach parties, and I can't touch alcohol." He perked up, blinking as he realized aloud, "Hey, Cap doesn't drink, either. There's something to start talking to him about."

“See? Way smarter.”


	3. In Love, S'more or Less

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some context notes for this chapter: 
> 
> 1: In this chapter, Bruce says he's not present as himself often. This might sound like melodramatic exaggeration if you're used to MCU Bruce, who gets to be Bruce form very often, but EMH Bruce really isn't himself much. In the EMH cartoon, he actually has a deal with the Hulk to only be in Bruce form for one day per month, and to let Hulk stay in Hulk form otherwise.
> 
> 2: In this chapter, Captain America uses the term "queer". Please note that we are aware this word can be seen a slur for some people, and as an empowered retaken word for others. Cap is from the 1940s, and not in the know about modern terminology to refer to LGBTQA+ people (in EMH he wakes up from the ice and joins the team straight away, so he hasn't been awake for very long at all) so he's still using this term. In the 1940s, some people did self-identify as queer, so it's not necessarily just a name to call others. If you're curious, [the Wikipedia article about it](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Queer#Early_20th_century_queer_identity) is a good thing to check out. 
> 
> Anyway, Cap is trying to be tactful here and not use much more derogatory terms in a 1940s sense, such as "homosexual". Just know that we took that word usage into consideration while writing, and decided this would be in-character for him. It's Cap, he's not calling anybody a slur on purpose--I think that's about the least Captain America thing he could do.
> 
> Phew, now that the lengthy authors' note is out of the way, let's get on to the chapter! As always, thank you for reading, commenting, and enjoying our story. ♥

S’mores were amazing. Since his argument with Tony, Cap’s sweet tooth had come out to play. Root beer and chocolate just hit the spot.

“Okay,” Steve told Peter, carefully lifting the gooey chocolate marshmallow sandwich over to the younger man. “This one’s for you.”

He’d added two layers of chocolate. Peter deserved it after being trapped in a car trunk for 10 hours.

The kid took the s'more in both hands with a look of slight awe on his face. 

"Thanks," he said, smiling brightly at Cap. "Wow, this is great. I'm on a tropical paradise vacation with bonfires on the beach, and I get to sit around eating s'mores with Captain America! Man am I glad I got stuck in that car trunk." He took a giant bite of his s'more and chewed happily.

Seeing the bright smile from Spidey had made Cap smile, too. Peter seemed to exaggerate his expressions a bit, probably from wearing a mask all the time.

It was very strange NOT to wear a mask for a few days. Looking from face to face of all the people seated around the campfire, Cap felt strangely lonely.

The longer he held out not talking to Tony, the more lonely he felt. He never realized how much time he spent with Iron Man until they got into a spat and spent time apart.

Gazing across the bonfire at the black haired billionaire, Cap sighed. He snagged a bar of chocolate from the pile, snapping it into pieces and frowning.

What had they even been arguing about? 

The fire crackled and sent a stream of orange embers up into the warm night air as Dr. Banner put a few more pieces of wood on it. The scientist apparently liked fishing and camping, and had started the fire out of driftwood without much need for assistance. 

Rather than go sit back down by Clint, Bruce moved over and sat on Cap's other side, though. When Peter gave him a curious look, Bruce sighed and held out a hand to Cap uncertainly. 

Steve stuck a large marshmallow into his hand. 

“How was your first day? I know you don’t get a lot of time to yourself, so I hope it was peaceful. No offense to Hulk,” he added, trying to muster a smile. It probably just looked like a cringe, but that was close enough.

Bruce mustered a weary smile. 

"It's okay, Cap, he's asleep right now." He turned the marshmallow over, examining it in the firelight. It seemed like he wanted to say more, but he glanced at Peter a time or two and only sighed.

Having eaten his s'more, Peter leaned over and peered at Bruce around Cap, still smiling. He and the scientist didn't exactly cross paths much. Cap wasn't even sure if they'd directly spoken before.

“On second thought,” Cap mumbled, pointing to the marshmallow. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

A sugar high Bruce could end their vacation rather abruptly.

The scent of tequila caught Cap’s attention and he glanced across the campfire to see Clint holding a bottle and chatting with Tony.

Great, he thought darkly, his shoulders slumping.

Bruce squished the marshmallow between his fingers, but didn't actually move to eat it. 

"Cap, would you walk with me? I need to talk to you by yourself." He shot Peter an apologetic look. "Sorry, not for long, but please? I-I need some advice."

Peter looked intrigued.

"Like...dating advice?" He asked in a stage whisper to Cap. Bruce, who could clearly hear him, sighed heavily and rubbed one of his temples.

"Just...advice."

“Dating advice? I hope not,” Cap chuckled, already climbing to his feet. “I’m afraid I’m a bit rusty.”

The captain was more than happy to get away from the bonfire for a moment. Watching Tony smirking and chatting across the way was really starting to bother him.

He gave Peter a pat on the shoulder and gestured for Bruce to lead the way out onto the beach. What kind of advice would Bruce need from HIM? 

Peter gave them both a cheery little wave and went straight to the bag of marshmallows, starting to set up another s'more. 

Bruce quickly got to his feet, looking uncomfortable in his borrowed neon swim trunks and yellow flip flops, and started off down the beach toward the water, watching to see if Cap followed him.

Trying to reassure him with a smile, Cap followed him. God, hopefully it wasn’t actually about dating. That wasn’t something the super soldier was good at. If dating was the topic, he decided he’d politely direct Bruce around the bonfire to Tony.

Once they were close enough that the waves washing on the shore hushed out the voices over by the bonfire, Bruce started walking slowly along the edge of the beach, falling into step beside Steve. 

"It's not for dating advice," Bruce said, glancing at him. He frowned and looked back ahead of them again. "At least, I don't think so. That's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm not present as me very often, and you know this team probably the best of anybody, Cap."

“I like to think so,” Cap told him uneasily, looking out at the waves as they swirled to catch the moonlight. The beach was so calm that it felt surreal.

As surreal as thinking about dating. It felt unrealistic and more like a caricature of reality than an actual possibility. His new life didn’t leave enough space for him to go out into the world and meet people other than the Avengers.

So, he supposed, yes, he must know the Avengers pretty well by now.

"Do you know if any of the Avengers are interested in each other besides Hank and Janet?" Bruce asked, fidgeting. It sounded like what he really wanted to ask was if any of the Avengers were queer, but most of them were male, so without Jan that was practically asking the same thing.

Staring at him for a long moment, Cap carefully considered.

He…hadn’t been paying attention to THAT. Did any of the Avengers like each other? He thought, baffled.

Thor hugged everyone, but he just seemed to be friendly. He hugged Janet as much as anyone else. As far as Steve understood, Hawkeye had been in a relationship with Black Widow, so he probably wasn’t queer either.

T’Challa was a complete mystery to Steve. If the King of Wakanda had feelings for anyone, he hid them very well. Though, he was very playful with Hawkeye. They shared some kind of banter not unlike Hawkeye and Hulk did.

Hulk… No. That was just odd to think about.

As for Tony, well, the man was a notorious playboy. While he liked to tease and flirt with everyone, Cap had noticed that Tony was more interested in his inventions than in relationships. If Tony was interested in any woman, it should be Pepper Potts, in Cap’s opinion. Tony would have been dead or poor a hundred times over if it wasn’t for that woman.

Blinking, Steve stared at Bruce some more. Wait. If the scientist was asking…

“Ah, not to my knowledge,” he said finally, snapping out of his thoughts. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were…” For some reason the word caught in his throat. “You…know. I had no idea.”

"Oh, no no, I'm not asking for..." Bruce actually held up his hands and waved them in front of him hastily, wide-eyed. If he was protesting THAT much... Clearing his throat, the scientist explained sheepishly, "I-I'm off limits, so I can't...uh, a-anyway, I just keep getting the feeling that a few people have something going on that they're not talking about. And since Tony is one of them and you know him so well, I wondered if you noticed."

Uncomfortable, Cap looked back out to sea.

“…I’m trying not to impose on Tony’s life anymore.” As the smaller man’s words sank in, he glanced back at Bruce, eyebrow quirked. “Wait, you think Tony’s attracted to another Avenger? Who?”

Bruce brought a hand up to rub the back of his neck, glancing out at the ocean too. 

"You know Tony a lot better than me, Cap. Deep down, you probably already know. If you look at the team, the other person who really seems to be keeping secrets is Clint, though, so maybe..." He sighed. "Maybe that's what all of the over-the-top attention he's faking toward me is about."

Clint was queer too? Cap thought, alarmed.

“Wait, so Clint and Tony are dating? Wow,” Cap breathed, unsure why that made him feel sad.

Taking a breath to settle his thoughts, Cap couldn’t help a glance back at the bonfire. Tony and Clint were drinking together right then, joking and chatting away. If they WERE dating and had had problems, hopefully they were all solved with a drink and a smile.

They both had a sense of humor and were inventor types, it made sense they might have a lot to talk about. 

Unlike Cap and Tony.

“I…see,” Cap said with a nod to Bruce. “I guess he must have wanted to make Tony jealous, then. I’m sorry you were caught up in all that. Jealousy doesn’t seem like the best foundation for a relationship. Then again, what do I know,” he mumbled, frowning at the waves bubbling near their feet.

Bruce looked at him thoughtfully. 

"I don't think they're dating," he said frankly. "I don't think they realize the other is also interested, and it bothers them, and it looks like they're not getting along pretty often because of it." 

He glanced over his shoulder back at the bonfire, too, and raised an eyebrow at the scene back there. 

"Alcohol seems to be helping right now, but...that's pretty unhealthy. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put all of this on you, Cap. I'm asking about it because I wish I could help somehow, but people are used to seeing the Hulk, not me. I'm worried about Clint. Could you try talking to Tony, for me? See if he's noticed if any of the Avengers have feelings for him?" He stopped and turned to Cap, turning pleading brown eyes up at him. "Please. He'll talk to you."

“I’ll do my best, Bruce, but Tony and I had a…disagreement. I’m not sure he’ll want to talk to me. But I’ll try,” Cap told him adamantly. 

If he couldn’t remember what he and Tony had been fighting about, maybe Tony couldn’t either.  


* * *

  
“Here,” Hawkeye said, offering Tony a plastic cup. The archer had sloppily dumped a lime soda in there along with what looked like a couple of shots of tequila. He wasn’t measuring.

"Thanks?" Tony arched a brow as he took the cup, smiling at the blond. Clint had been sitting with Bruce up until now, but the scientist had moved over to sit by Cap and Peter. Had he gotten bored that quick? Speaking softly so that the others wouldn't overhear, he commented, "You seem like you're a lot more excited about a vacation than you were when we first got here. I noticed you and Bruce spending half the day together--probably related, huh?" Tony took a tiny test sip from the cup, and wow that was a lot of tequila... 

Taking a really long sip from his own cup, Clint looked across the bonfire as Bruce was playing with a marshmallow. Then he turned back to Tony and quirked an eyebrow.

“Whoa, what’re you implying there, pal?” Clint asked--though he didn’t seem serious, judging by the smirk. 

Tony held his cup up along with the other hand as he shrugged, smirking back. 

"Not a thing! I don't need to imply when you two are 'helping' the other put on sunscreen again 'because you washed it all off in the ocean'." He gave the overly-strong tequila mix another sip. Hey, it wasn't that bad, really. The fizzy part was nice. 

Movement across the bonfire caught his attention. Cap and Bruce had both just stood, and were heading off down the beach toward the water. Tony squinted after them. First Bruce wanted to sit over there, then he went off with Cap on the night time tropical beach alone? What was up with that?

A short pause, then Clint cleared his throat only to lower his voice.

“Makes me wonder what you and Cap were up to all day. Playing house? Which one of you gets to explain the birds and the bees to Spidey?”

Tony snorted in amusement. 

"Actually, Cap's hardly talked to me today since we got out of the cars. He was hiding out in the kitchen drinking root beer earlier," he gestured across the bonfire, "and you can see that he didn't want to sit near me here, either. Think he had enough of me on the road trip. Vacation is tough for workaholics. You're at least having a good time now, right? All of my hard work making this happen didn't go to waste?" He directed shining topaz eyes at Clint, knowing the bonfire would make them sparkle extra bright.

A little jingle sounded across from them, and Peter hopped up, cell phone already to his ear as he hurried off down the beach the opposite way Cap and Bruce had gone. 

"Hey! No, no, put that away, I'm safe and sound..." He faded out of earshot.

Tony glanced after him with a small frown, then snapped right back to making the shiny eyes at Clint. Peter was obviously talking to somebody he knew--it was more irritating that he had his phone on him at all.

“I’d be having a better time if I didn’t feel like I was stranded on a remote island without anything to defend myself with. What the hell? Bows are low tech!” The blond man grumbled and swigged from his cup, watching Peter’s back as he retreated down the beach.

Tony groaned and took an actual swig of his drink. 

"Because, if I let you bring your bow, I have to let Hank bring his mini lab, and let Thor wear full body armor in bed like he does back home. The whole idea is that we won't have to fight anything while we're here!" He paused to sip again, then sighed and let his shoulders slump defeatedly. "So you're not having fun, either. Great, perfect. Peter's having the most fun so far, and he's the stowaway."

“I’m having fun,” Clint sighed, finishing off his drink. Turning back to Tony, he tipped his head curiously. “So, you’re not mad that I’m dating Bruce? Like, that’s okay? Cool.”

"You're not fooling anybody," Tony told him, patting his back sympathetically. "Bruce doesn't seem like romance is even on his radar. I'm not sure he even realizes you're hitting on him." He paused to glance out at the silhouettes of Cap and the skinny scientist walking along the edge of the shore near the waves, frowning. 

What could they have to talk about that they needed to go off alone for, and why did it have to be in such a romantic setting? He cursed his vacation spot choice, and suddenly wished he'd chosen somewhere with snow. "Of course, I could be wrong and you see a side of our dear Dr. Banner that he doesn't show to the rest of us."

The tequila was starting to hit him, a very familiar little fuzzy feeling at the edge of his mind. It was kind of a relief at the moment.

“Yeah, I do—and it’s covered in freckles,” Clint boasted, toasting Tony with a fresh drink. The blond man lowered his voice and leaned closer to Tony to whisper to him, grinning. “He must wake up outside naked a LOT. He’s got freckles ALL over the place.”

Tony gave him a carefully neutral look and took another swig of his drink. 

"Okay, I really hope he knows you're hitting on him now, or you might be creeping him out." He glanced around to check where everybody else was, and found that Thor had roped Hank and Jan into a two-on-one night beach frisbee game. Thor would probably win against both of them easily, but at least he didn't seem to mind being the third wheel. 

Jeez, looking at couples irritated Tony right now. He was worried about Bruce eying Cap while Clint was eying Bruce! Why couldn't they just have a nice, fun, no subtext family vacation, huh?

“You said it yourself, the two of us had a whole day together, free from big green interruptions. Sorry buddy,” Clint added under his breath, swigging his drink.

Off in the shadows behind where Clint was sitting, Tony noticed T’Challa heading off into the night, a big handmade fishing spear in his hand. The King had apparently gotten so bored he’d made himself a weapon. Hopefully Clint didn’t see and get any ideas about bushcrafting a bow and arrows.

“Could you tell Cap? I don’t wanna get the whole ‘endangering the team’ speech again.” Popping open another soda, Clint added it to both his and Tony’s drinks.

"What--break the fact you two are dating to Cap?" Tony started to shake his head, then paused, thinking it over. It was a pretty handy excuse to talk to Cap and discuss guys dating. Clear the air and all that. 

It was really tough to tell what Steve was thinking, but he'd definitely been distant lately, avoiding any in-depth talk about life with Tony. He WAS from the 1940s, maybe gay things made him uncomfortable. If Tony had a chance to find that out while talking about OTHER people making him uncomfortable, that was a hell of a lot better than making Steve uncomfortable by asking if he himself was interested in men. 

Turning to Clint, Tony smiled and reached to pat his shoulder. 

"Sure, leave it to me."  


* * *

  
“—Ate the whole thing! No swallowing!” Wade explained in disbelief. “Like, Matt’s mouth is bigger than I thought! I told him that and he punched me. Pft. What’s his problem? I eat hot dogs whole ALL THE TIME. My mouth is like a snake's, dude! I told Matt I could dislocate my jaw and he looked at me like I was a moldy burrito…not that moldy burritos are bad. They’re an acquired taste, like Limburger cheese.”

Swishing the edges of the waves with his toes, Peter shook his head at the mental images this conversation was bringing up. 

"Gross," he said, of the last comments. "I'd take mold over Limburger any day."

There was a heavy 'thunk' down the beach, and then a burst of feminine giggling. Turning back, Peter saw Thor and Jan both helping Hank off of his face on the ground. There was a neon green frisbee clutched in his hand stubbornly, even as he spat out sand. 

"I yield, I yield!" Thor laughed, dusting more sand out of the scientist's hair. "The battle was well-fought, and victory is yours."

Peter tilted his head, trying to decide if he was just imagining Hank's face flushing. It was Thor, anybody would get a little flustered, right? Hank was the straightest person Peter knew, sooo probably he was just projecting about him and Wade.

Oh, right, Wade.

He raised the phone to his ear again.

“—Haven’t been sleeping, at all. I miss my bugsy-wugsy! I even went down to your neighborhood yesterday just for the feels. There was this old woman crossing the street and I HELPED her. She was like REALLY old and called me Spider-Man. DAY. MADE.”

As Wade chattered away, a glint of something in the dark caught Peter’s eye. It was that woman from before—Lola?—gathering up her stuff slowly while she watched Thor and the others talking.

It was weird hearing Wade NOT annoyed to be mistaken for Spider-Man for once, but Peter felt kind of warm and fuzzy at the story. Aww, missing him was making Wade try to help people?

"I'll be back before you know it," he promised, smiling and stepping down the beach toward the mysterious woman. "I should get off the phone--Tony wanted this to be a no-tech vacation so we'd actually hang out with each other. I took the call because it was you, but I think he and Cap need some cheering up. Maybe I'll go pretend to need advice so I can feel them out and figure out what's the matter already." He paused, realizing he was thinking all of that aloud. "Uh, anyway I gotta go. I'll talk to you again soon, okay?"

“Real soon! Bye bye, smoochies!” Wade cooed, hanging up. As soon as the call ended, Peter got a short text from Wade with a kissy face and a…palm tree?

Spotting him, the woman hurried to collect the rest of her things, throwing them haphazardly into a lacy white beach tote.

Squinting at the palm tree, Peter headed right over to her and waved. 

"Hey, uh, pretty night out," he said lamely, with a slightly cringing smile. "Oh, man, that sounds like I'm trying to hit on you!" He shoved his phone into the pocket of his borrowed jeans and then held up both hands. "There's not like a hurricane warning or something, is there? You're packing up like sirens are going off," he observed.

“Oh, no,” the woman told him lightly, shaking off the blanket she had thrown over her lounge chair. Lola had tossed a lacy gold cover up over her bikini and had taken her hair down, leaving it to cascade in dark curls over her shoulders as she jammed the blanket into the top of the tote. Clutching the bag to herself, she turned and gave him a tight smile. “I’d hate to be in the way of the frisbee game. I don’t like it when people throw things at me.”

"Does anybody actually like that?" Peter wondered aloud, raising a brow. "Hey, the beach over that way is pretty peaceful. I was just over there sneaking in a phone call." He pointed back the way he had come from. "Quality sand to squish toes in, no frisbee-throwing blond Adonis types, and good cell reception I guess."

Glancing that way, Lola turned back to him and tipped her head.

“I heard a bit of your conversation. You said you were trying to cheer someone up? Is that big blond friend of yours having a bad day?”

"Who, Thor?" Peter glanced at the demigod, who was back to tossing the frisbee back and forth with Jan and Hank again. He turned back to Lola and shook his head, smiling. "Nah, I meant somebody else. Two somebodies, actually. Vacation is supposed to be fun, but they're being sort of mopey." He glanced at her bag. "Maybe I should tell them to relax and read a book. Hmm."

“Thor? My, what a unique name,” Lola mumbled, gold nailed fingertips playing with the tote bag’s handle. “I came out here for some fun, myself. I was trying to get away from my normal routine, but it just keeps following me!” The woman dropped the bag to one hand, propping the other on her hip. “You’d think this beach was well known!”

Peter tossed his hands up and exclaimed, "Right? Although, I haven't seen that many people today compared to yesterday. Maybe I'm just used to crowds back home, but it seems practically empty here." He paused and gestured to Thor. "You think you'd like frisbee better if you were playing it with him? He's an easygoing guy, I bet he'd let you join."

Lola considered the idea very carefully for a moment, her eyes narrowing a bit. 

“You know, that’s not a bad idea, young man.” Dropping her tote back under the umbrella, she slipped her cover up over her head and tossed it aside, starting off the beach confidently. She braided her hair as she walked, not bothering to tie it off.

Peter watched her go, trying really hard not to notice how tiny that bikini was from every angle. He cleared his throat and headed around the frisbee group toward the bonfire. Tony was there with Clint, and he could see Bruce returning to the fire from down the beach, Cap trailing far after him with a pensive look on his face. Seriously, vacation didn't look like much fun to either of the Avengers' co-leaders. 

Making a snap decision, Peter dashed over to intercept Cap before he could get back to the fire. 

"Hey, Cap," he said, waving.

“Hello Peter,” Cap said, rather glumly. The man managed a small smile, putting a hand on Peter’s shoulder as they headed toward the bonfire. “I was starting to wonder if you got lost at sea.”

The captain suddenly noticed Lola as she stepped up to chat with Thor, batting big eyes up at him. Cap didn’t comment, going to take his seat…the one on the opposite side of the fire as Tony.

Peter hurried after, sitting next to Cap since Tony still had Clint to keep him company. Bruce had stooped to grab a long stick from the pile of driftwood they were using for the fire and then headed off down the beach, using it like a walking stick. That left Cap pretty much alone on this side of the fire with Peter. Laughter echoed through the night as the volleyball game started up again. 

Studying the blond hero's face, Peter quickly decided that faking his own trouble would just add to Cap's stress load. Instead he reached over and patted the blond man's back sympathetically.

"Hey, are you okay? You're making a face like Old Glory's on our bonfire," he whispered.

Faking a smile the moment the question was asked, Cap slapped a hand on Peter’s back in return and shook his head.

“No, I’m fine. I’m just not used to sitting still this long anymore. H-how are you?”

"I'm not bad," Peter said cautiously, glancing at him. Leaning in, he whispered, "Do you feel left out because you can't get drunk like Tony and Hawkeye? Don't feel bad, I can't get drunk either."

“Peter, you’re too young to drink,” Cap told him firmly, but answered with a shake of his head. Eyes landing back on Tony, the captain got lost in his thoughts, expression frozen in a frown. Slowly, very seriously, he looked back at Peter and whispered to him. “Have you ever been in love before, Peter?”


	4. From Señor Tequila, With Love

Peter stared at him. They'd gone from alcohol--which he'd been about to conveniently turn into a joke, because duh he was too young to drink--to LOVE. 

"I-I'm not sure?" He whispered back, feeling shy all of a sudden. "You mean like actual dating, or just somebody you think about all the time, and worry about, and eat lunch with every day?" The latter was Wade, in a nutshell. Except for... "A-and maybe wanna kiss and...stuff?" He amended with a tiny, nervous laugh.

Cap chuckled, shaking his head and squeezing Peter’s shoulder.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, rubbing his forehead. “I know it’s a strange question. Don’t worry about it.” The first avenger leaned and grabbed the big plastic plate with all the s’more fixings on it and offered it to Peter. “Please tell me the truth, Peter—your girlfriend is your age, right?” Not so subtly, Cap nodded to the woman in the green bikini, who was busy nailing Thor in the face with the frisbee.

Following his gaze, Peter flushed. 

"Oh, wow. You think that’s my girlfriend?" He asked like that might be a pretty huge compliment, even though it was also wrong. Lola was way out of the league of some skinny teenage dude. "Uh, actually, it's a boyfriend that I have." He looked up at Cap to check for any reaction to that. Peter knew Cap pretty well by now, and if there was one thing he was not, it was as narrow-minded as people assumed. They'd never directly talked about things like this, though. 

Quirking his eyebrows, Cap glanced off back down the beach and then back to Peter, rubbing his neck.

“I’m sorry if I’m being offensive—this is a bit new for me—but I’m surprised how many people are queer around here,” Steve said in bemusement, going back to assembling a s’more. He stuck a marshmallow on a stick and handed it off to Peter. “Well, HE better be nice, then. What’s his name?” 

Peter took it and held it close enough to the fire for the marshmallow to start toasting. Inwardly, he was scrambling to come up with a way to not mention Wade's name while also not lying. Heck, saying ‘boyfriend’ was already lying, wasn’t it? He should've thought of this and steered the conversation away, but it was so easy to talk to Cap, and it wasn't like he was gonna come out to Aunt May or something, so really no guardian type figure had heard it 'til now.

Still, now he had to say something.

"Top secret," he said at last, guiltily. "Not that I don't trust you, Cap. I-I'm just a little, um. Nervous. Yeah, nervous." He gasped as his marshmallow burst into flames, pulling it over to blow on it hastily.

Puffing the fire out with one breath, Cap frowned at him.

“Nervous? Are you two together, or do you just like him?” The question would have sounded rude if Cap didn’t look so worried all of a sudden. He pinched the marshmallow off the stick with a graham cracker and added another piece of chocolate on top—Cap really seemed to like to double the chocolate—offering it to Peter next.

"Thanks," Peter said with a winning smile, taking the offered sweet treat. Double chocolate was an awesome habit to have. Cap was pretty awesome in general, though. 

Peter took a big bite of the s'more and considered how to answer the question. "It's complicated. I can't just tell people about him or go around school together or anything," he admitted, looking at Cap worriedly. On a scale of one to ten, how overprotective would Cap be if he heard who exactly Peter was alluding to? Based on the worried look on the blond's face just hearing Peter was nervous, the answer was 'eleven'.

For a moment, Cap’s eyes flicked back across the fire towards Tony, then he focused on making another s’more, clearing his throat.

“Peter, if this boyfriend of yours doesn’t want to be public with how he feels about you, I’m not sure he’s a good person. You’re a good person. He’s lucky to have you at all.”

Dropping the marshmallow he had been holding, Cap ignored it and grabbed another, stabbing it on the stick with a frown.

Peter, who had just taken a giant bite of s'more, uneasily chewed as quick as he could so he didn't have to try talking around marshmallow fluff.

"It's not his fault, Cap," he said sadly. "It's me, I'm the one who doesn't want to go public. I guess...that's pretty horrible, huh? Especially if you think so." He sighed and sat the rest of the s'more down on a nearby candy bar wrapper, poking at it.

Alarmed, Cap stared at him as the marshmallow ignited into a blazing ball.

“Peter, if he’s someone you’re ashamed of, you need to consider why very carefully.” Tossing the stick he was holding into the fire, Steve leaned closer to put an arm over Peter’s shoulders to comfort him. “Why do you feel uncomfortable in public? Is he rude to service workers? Does he embarrass you?”

“Hey Cap?” Came a slurred voice. Hawkeye had come over to them, a now-empty tequila bottle in one hand. “You’re the besht dad I’ve ever h-had.” Growing misty eyed, Clint bent to give both men a hug, sniffing. “Thanksh for…” the archer mumbled, some words too quiet to hear, “...all the time. Don’t desherve it.” 

“Um, you’re very drunk,” Cap said quickly, patting Clint’s chest to push him back and give them some space. He reeked of alcohol. “I, uh,” Steve said, looking down at Peter. With a sigh, he got up and offered an arm to Clint. “Let me walk you to your hammock.”

“No way! The night’sh young!” Clint told him, scoffing and hiccuping at the same time. He batted a hand at Cap, then stumbled off down the beach toward where the others were playing frisbee.

Puffing out a sigh, Cap sat back down. He ran a hand over his face and turned back to Peter.

“If there’s anything I can do to help, please let me know. Alright?”

"Okay," Peter said, feeling bad for him. He wasn’t even actually dating, not officially. What relationship he had was actually going pretty good, but now it was one more thing Cap had to worry over. "Just to clarify, though. I'm not ashamed of him. It's not that. That really would be horrible of me!"

“Then why don’t you want to be seen together? Is he from a rival school? Are your teachers giving you trouble about it? I’ll talk to them.” Cap said sternly, then his eyes widened—but he kept whatever thought had caused that to himself.

"That's really not necessary!" Peter was pretty sure his voice just went up two octaves. Oh, jeez, his teachers didn't even know he was bi--what if they let Cap know he was lying about even having a boyfriend? Oh, god, what if Cap tried talking to Aunt May about it? "I-it's complicated! My super villains are psychos, and they'll go after anybody I care about to get to me, and I'm not out to anybody but you!"

“Out?” Cap wondered, thinking for a moment. “Oh. As queer,” he told himself more than Peter. Clearing his throat, he nodded as he grew serious again. Then the blond sighed, shaking his head and gazing up at the stars. “I forget that some of us have multiple lives to live. I’m sorry, Peter. It’s really none of my business. God, I feel like I’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

"It's okay," Peter sighed, shoulders slumping in relief. "I know this's probably really awkward for you to talk about, so thanks for listening to me. Hey, what did you mean earlier when you said other Avengers are gay?" Hawkeye for sure, Peter thought. Like, one hundred percent bi, at the least.

“I…don’t think I should talk about it. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.” As Steve added the last, his eyes drifted back to Tony, who was now alone on the other side of the fire.

"No hard feelings here," Peter assured him, picking up the last bite of his forgotten s'more and popping it into his mouth. "It's wrong to out somebody without their permission, so that's fair. I-I guess I'm just surprised I never noticed." He turned to Cap seriously. "Do YOU need any advice? Like, if one of the gay Avengers is you, I won't tell anybody, but I'm pretty sure in the 1940s the only advice you'd get for that is 'don't be gay', so..." He smiled sheepishly. "I guess, what's a guy like me gonna be able to say that'll help out Captain America, anyway..."

Across the fire, Tony got up silently and walked off down the beach the same way Peter had gone earlier. Maybe he wanted to use his phone, too.

Watching Tony leave, Cap frowned.

“Ever since I woke up, I started learning about the new world and what issues people are worried about today. Things have definitely changed, but I’m learning.” He gestured after Tony and stood. “Excuse me, Peter. I’m sorry, but I really need to talk to Tony.”

Peter stood, too, reaching up to pat his shoulder. 

"Aye-aye, Cap," he said, trying to lighten up. Seriously, was it the tropical air? Everybody was so sad tonight, and bothered, and apparently gay. Taking a seat again, Peter resolved to try and cheer Cap and Tony up tomorrow if they were still glum. Maybe they wouldn't be. Maybe Cap would give Tony one of those legendary inspiring speeches and everything would be perfect again soon. 

If they weren't, though, Peter had a plan.  


* * *

  
This whole trip was a mistake, Tony thought fuzzily, trudging past the giggly frisbee players without a sideways glance. If Steve had been avoiding him before, now he wasn't even wanting to sit on the same side of the campfire. They hadn't exchanged a single word all evening. Meanwhile, Bruce and Clint were acting like incredibly dense newlyweds (Tony STILL couldn't tell if Bruce noticed Clint was hitting on him, even after the whole sunscreen thing), and Hank and Jan and Thor needed to get a room. Probably with the hot string bikini-clad woman they'd somehow roped into playing with them on the beach. 

At least somebody was doing the normal beach thing and hanging out in skimpy swimwear. Not that Steve didn't look amazing in what he was wearing, as usual. 

The beach was much quieter off to this side, the distant laughing and bonfire crackling drowned out by the soft shushing waves rolling over the shore. The water here was deep enough to swim in right near the shore, with a few rocks out there. Looked like a prime mermaid sighting spot, if mermaids were even a thing. Tony made a mental note to bother Thor about that later, sighing and stooping to pick up a seashell. Throwing something as far as he could out to sea sounded nice right now.

He swayed, though, and went dunking head-first right into the water. Oh right, tequila. Hey, the water was warm, that was nice, he thought, popping his head above the surface and paddling absently in place. Maybe Bruce and Clint had the right idea, going for a swim.

“Tony?” Steve’s concerned voice called to him from the beach. The big blond was already wading out to him, all frowny faced. “You shouldn’t swim when you’re drunk. You could drown.”

Strong but gentle hands caught under Tony’s arms and he was lifted up to stand on his feet in the sloshing waves.

"Pfft," Tony replied, brushing off the comment. "I can swim drunk--you saw me, I was swimming. Besides, I'm not drunk, I'm just a little bit buzzed." Sitting up, he swayed slightly and planted a hand on Cap's shoulder to steady himself, frowning. Swimming had been nice. Balance hadn't been an issue when floating in the water. "Is that all that brings you to my side of the beach, a PSA about drinking?"

“No, Tony,” Cap breathed, settling them both down into the water up to their chests again. A wave washed past them as the First Avenger made sure that the others were still playing frisbee, then he turned anxiously back to Tony. “Peter’s dating someone a-and I guess he’s qu--gay. Please don’t tell anyone, though. He was really worried about his aunt finding out.”

That sobered Tony up a bit. He squinted at Steve, trying to decide if he'd heard right. 

"And he went to you to talk about it? Of course he did, it's not like there's somebody with a LIFETIME of experience at all that around here or anything," he grumbled, shoving at Steve's chest to swim down the beach the same way he'd been walking earlier. Of course Peter talked to Cap first--or at all--about this. Tony wasn't exactly what anybody would call reliable. Damn Clint and his damn tequila just made that look even more evident tonight...

Swimming after him and easily matching his pace, he could see Cap frowning at him in the dim light reflected off the water.

“You were busy drinking with Clint, so yes he came to me. Why does it matter? I’m more concerned that Peter’s in what he makes out to be a very serious relationship.”

"Him and half the team," Tony grumbled, paddling his way to the beach and not so gracefully clambering ashore. He paused to wipe wet hair out of his face, noting the Arc reactor glowing bright and blue right through the chest of his wet shirt. "By the way, Clint says he's dating Bruce now. He actually asked me to tell you, so there you go." 

He started walking again, but glanced over his shoulder. Bad idea--set a sway into motion he had to take a couple steps to counter-balance. "What's so bad about Peter actually being serious, anyway? What, he has to be a moody brat about relationships just because he's in high school, is that it?" The gay part was actually more bemusing, because Tony was dead positive the kid was bisexual. He'd had a girlfriend before, right?

“Bru-- Clint-- …WHAT?” Cap half shouted, stopping ankle deep in the water. “They can’t do that! The Hulk is tied to Bruce’s pulse—I’ll talk to them tomorrow.” He shook his head and followed after Tony, pressing a warm hand against the billionaire’s back to support him. “I don’t know. Something about the way Peter was being so secretive made me nervous. I try not to judge too quickly, but…what if it’s a villain? Oh God, what if it’s mind control?”

Tony glanced at him, sighing and giving up charging off down the beach. He wasn't coordinated enough to right now, anyway. 

"C'mon, you know the kid better than that. There isn’t an evil bone in his body," he pointed out, "and he doesn't stand there and let other people be evil without stopping them, either. Are we talking 'code names' secretive or 'even I don't know who he really is' secretive?" He stopped short, eyes widening. "What if he's with a SHIELD agent!"

“I hadn’t even thought about that,” Cap mumbled, taking Tony very seriously. “We have to find out who this boyfriend is. Spider-Man is part of the team, so we’re just checking in on him like anyone else.” Even as Steve explained it, he didn’t sound convinced.

Tony held up his hands. 

"Whoa, whoa, wait. Is Peter dating this guy, or Spider-Man? SHIELD would only know Spider-Man, and we've got to know which of his lives to poke around in!" He knew for a fact that SHIELD didn't know who Peter was. He'd hacked their database a time or two, and checked on their Spidey files every time just in case they got too close to the truth, but they never had. Probably because SHIELD didn't seem to think Spider-Man was that big-time of a hero, even though he frequently spent time with the Avengers.

Dating somebody as only your hero identity sounded ridiculous. The idea of hiding who he was and always being encased in his armor at public events was one of the reasons Tony had just told the world at large his identity pretty much immediately. Peter didn't have billions of dollars and almost as many bodyguards to protect his normal persona from super villains, though. Oh no...

"Cap," Tony said grimly, grabbing the front of Steve's shirt. "I figured it out. Some SHIELD agent must be dating Spider-Man to get close enough to figure out his real identity!"

“No, wait.” Cap shook his head. “No, it has to be Peter. He said he couldn’t bring the boyfriend to his school. Then he said the reason was because he had a bunch of psycho bad guys.” The blond rubbed his forehead. “Wait, why would he worry about villains finding out about his boyfriend if their villains didn’t know who HE was himself? It must be Spider-Man…I guess,” Cap added, cringing a bit.

Tony ran a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling a little queasy. How much tequila had Clint poured for him? He couldn't really remember. 

"Well, listen, he's safe while he's with us on vacation. We just talk to him this week, get a better idea of what we're dealing with, and go from there," he said. "Or YOU talk to him, because he talked to you so he knows you already know. Pretty sure this is a 'swings both ways' situation--takes one to know one--but if he said gay then gay it is." He groaned. "Swings both...that's the kind of joke he'd make about himself, isn't it?"

“Swings both ways?” Cap asked slowly, trying to think of what it meant on his own. After a long pause and some squinting, he gave up. “Um, I suppose,” he said uncertainly, clearing his throat. “I’ll talk to him again and see if I can at least get a name. That would be a good place to start.”

"Agreed," Tony said, raking damp hair back from his forehead. Now that the concern for Peter had calmed down again for the moment, the fact that Cap had pretty much avoided him since they got out of the car returned, and he sighed. "Look, it's late. Let's just...turn in, save any more thinking for tomorrow, huh?" 

He wondered if Steve would be back to avoiding him again tomorrow. 

"Maybe..." He began, and then trailed off, shaking his head. No, bad idea. Thinking tomorrow was best.

“That sounds good to me. Here,” Cap stepped up and knelt down with his back to Tony. “Let me carry you. The steps up to the cabin are solid stone—if you slipped, you’d break your neck.”

Tony wanted to insist that he could walk on his own--he wasn't that drunk, damn it--but at the moment tequila was a convenient excuse for Cap to pick him up and carry him around. He debated what to do for a couple of seconds before climbing onto Cap's back and looping both arms around the blond's neck. 

He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a piggyback ride, but it was a very long time ago. It was strangely nostalgic even though he had no idea where the nostalgia was coming from, and he turned his head to one side, resting a cheek heavily against Steve's hair. 

Stupid tequila. Stupid vacation. Stupid perfect Steve, he thought drowsily.

Cap started off down the beach at a brisk pace. Okay, he was practically jogging. He didn’t slow his pace at all as he charged up the stone stairs to their cabin.

“Can you get the door?” Cap asked, shifting on his feet in front of the door to move Tony closer to the cabin. 

"Mm?" Tony hugged around his neck a little tighter, yawning. "There's no doors on the beach," he insisted. He wasn't drunk or tired enough to miss the cabin door right there, but that meant Steve sitting him down soon... Then again, if he opened it, it seemed Steve planned to carry him inside, so he reached for it. "Well would you look at that."

“I’ll have to talk to Clint about the tequila, too,” Cap sighed, heading in the cabin at a slower pace. Making his way down the small hallway, he turned into their room and paused. “What’re we going to do if Peter’s dating a super villain?”

Clint, Tony thought, was going to get yelled at for a lot of things all at once. Poor guy. 

"Depends on which one," he answered Cap, patting his chest.

Crossing the room, Cap easily pulled Tony under his arm to switch to holding him princess-style, then frowned at him. The weird spin had made Tony’s head hurt.

“I can’t imagine any Avenger dating a super villain, but sometimes the heart is unpredictable.”

Cap gently lay him down in the hammock bed, leaning over him briefly to tug the blankets up over him.

Tony looked up at him with unrestrained adoration--which probably just looked like shiny-eyed drunk happy face to Steve, thanks to Señor Tequila--and patted one of his hands. 

"Thanks, Cap."

“Welcome, Tony. Sleep tight.” Cap smiled back at him, crossing the room to turn off one of the hanging boat-themed lamps, dropping Tony’s half of the room into warm darkness.

Instead of going to bed, though, Cap ducked back out the door and disappeared out of sight.

Yawning, Tony hugged the blanket against his chest and looked up at the ceiling in the dark. Once they figured out what was going on with Peter, Steve would go right back to being distant--he was sure of it. So much for spending time together on vacation.  


* * *

  
The night air was nice as it blew over Clint’s face, cooling the flush from all the tequila. He was definitely still drunk, but some of his senses had started to return. 

Mostly just being able to feel his face. It was a good start.

Sprawled out on his back on the sand, the archer watched the stars above him dizzily. It felt like if he didn’t sink his fingers into the sand, he’d drift off into space.

He sighed and closed his eyes, thinking back on the day. Swimming around with Bruce, drinking with Tony. Checking out that Amazonian babe who insisted on playing frisbee with Thor. She had nailed Thor in the face so many times, the demigod must have been distracted by all the jiggle.

Eh, Clint thought, smiling. Bruce didn’t have any jiggle and he was awesome. Too bad Clint was going to fall into the sky or he might have gone on a hunt to find his buddy.

The laughing from the frisbee game had eventually stopped, and the bonfire was no longer crackling. It was just him and the waves rolling in. Sounded like the stars were making the wave noises. Starwaves. Spacewaves. Nice. 

"Ursa Major," a familiar deep grumbly voice declared from off to his left.

“That’s Major Ursa, to you,” Clint mumbled to what he suspected would be a specter of Hulk wearing a sombrero, squinting open an eye. Man, he missed Hulk. Every day he spent around the giant was a fun one. They could shoot things, smash things, have eating contests…it was great.

"You always call it the Big Dipper," Hulk grumbled, and Clint swore a giant finger was poking his forehead. "You smell like tequila. Great, Banner's finally sleeping and you're gonna sleep, too. Boring."

Grabbing the big hand with both of his, Clint grinned up at the Hulk. He was not wearing a sombrero, but he had to be a drunk illusion anyway.

“I miss you, buddy. I…I so wanted you to throw a shark,” Hawkeye told him, trying not to slur.

Letting go of the hand, he gingerly climbed to his feet. The Hulk looked real. He was very…hulking. Clint frowned and stuck a hand out, smacking it on the Hulk’s stomach. He FELT like Hulk, too. 

“Are you actually here?” Clint asked, deciding that it was more reliable to just ask the hallucination. Hey, at least Hulk wasn’t drunk.

The giant smirked and patted him on the head. Felt real enough. 

"Like I said, Cupid, Banner's sleeping. Don't tell him I was here and he'll never know," he said confidently.

Surprised by the hand on his head, Clint walked unsteadily over and patted the Hulk’s arm. There was just no way he could walk up the big green monster’s arm like usual right now. His balance was completely off.

“Can you put me on your shoulder? We were swimming earlier, and there was a sunken ship. I’ll bet that’s where the sharks are.”

Hulk shrugged and easily picked Clint up, placing him on one massive green shoulder. 

"Better hold on tight," he warned. Even after saying that, though, he walked into the water rather than leaping like usual. Having Clint fly off backward probably wouldn't be much fun, so he must have been going easy.

Clint plunked down and held on, grinning at the sloshing waves as they broke over the Hulk’s massive form. The day wasn’t over yet after all. The air was cooling off and Hulk was finally around.

“That way!” Clint cheered, pointing off where he figured the sunken ship might be. His memory was a bit fuzzy, but this vacation was looking up!


	5. Waffling Around

Swigging down a glass of raw eggs was Steve’s normal breakfast, but since they were on vacation, he figured the others might want something a little sweeter. Humming quietly since he had the living room all to himself, he scooped the batter up with a half cup measure and poured it into the waffle iron.

He had peeked in on everyone and was worried when he found Clint and Bruce missing—until he remembered all the strange conversations he had had with everyone the day before. Them both being missing was proof enough to Cap that the two might be sweethearts.

Watching the steam puffing out of the sides of the waffle maker, the blond frowned. His plans to give Clint a good talking to had changed to giving both him and BRUCE a talking to. Playing with Bruce’s heart rate was very dangerous. If the scientist and Clint were together, and Bruce hurt him, he’d never forgive himself.

Neither would Cap.

He’d found Peter where he had put the dozing teenager the night before, which was in Cap’s hammock. Since Tony was going to be hung over, Steve had made a nice pot of coffee for him. It probably wasn’t as good as Quaff-Aid, but nobody made that anymore.

Pulling the waffle out of the iron with a fork, Cap dropped it onto a plate. Then he frowned at it.

Did Peter’s boyfriend drink?

"Owww... Wow, remind me to thank Clint for the half bottle of tequila last night," came Tony's half-pained, half-exasperated voice from the doorway. He sounded like he wanted to laugh but maybe couldn't because it would hurt too much. "

Speak of the Devil.

“Good morning. You’re up early. It’s not even eight.” Cap told him brightly, pouring more batter into the iron before he went to get a cup of coffee for his friend and handed it to him.

"Pretty sure the last few hours last night count as sleepwalking," Tony said with good-natured weariness, accepting the cup of coffee. "For me? Wow, what did drunk me even say to you?"

He paused and squinted like he was actually trying to remember.

Thinking back too, Cap just smiled at him, trying not to remember how Tony’s clothes looked when they got wet. The man had a very classy chassis.

Steve hadn’t had any alcohol to blame the thoughts on, and he could only chalk it up to all the conversations he’d had with Bruce and Peter. Were all of the Avengers queer? Even Hank and Jan were making eyes at Thor last night.

It was too early to think about it, he decided. Clearing his throat, Cap ducked back around the kitchen counter to check the waffle iron.

“I made waffles, if you want any,” he said, hoping to change the subject.

Dropping a slice of butter on top, Steve criss-crossed syrup over the waffle and spooned a blob of whipped cream on it for good measure. Staring at it, he added blueberries and a strawberry. Now it was red, white and blue. Huh.

Tony pointed at his mug of coffee and moved over to sit down on the couch slowly. 

"Thanks, but I'd better stick to just coffee for now. Ugh. I don't remember going to bed, it's a big blur." He waved a hand to illustrate the idea, sipping the coffee with a small sigh. "Something about mermaids and...piggyback rides? That can't be right."

“No, that’s right,” Cap told him, trying not to sound uncomfortable. “I carried you to the cabin so you wouldn’t break your neck. Do you remember what we talked about while we were swimming?”

It’d be a shame if he didn’t, because Peter was sleeping just down the hall. If Cap had to explain it again, it'd be hard to do without being suspicious.

“You know...” Cap cleared his throat, looking Tony directly in the eye. Try as he might, his face was flushed. He didn’t want to go through that conversation again. They had to at least get a name from Peter before they could try to trace his boyfriend.

Tony's topaz eyes widened at the look Cap was giving him, and he arched an eyebrow almost indignantly. 

"When we were swimming," he echoed, mystified. "I think I remember bits of that. Must be where the mermaid thoughts came from." He ran his fingers through his mussed hair, which had taken on a curl from all of the saltwater last night washing off any hair products he'd had in it. "Wait, did we-- Nah, that can't be right..." He sipped his coffee and pondered on this for a minute.

Cringing, Cap rubbed his forehead. Wonderful. Tony didn’t remember!

Ducking around the counter, he peeked down the hall to make sure Peter wasn’t standing there before he headed over to Tony.

“You don’t remember? Anything?” He pressed, frowning. “You know…the boyfriend thing?” He whispered as quietly as he could. 

Leaning in to whisper put him just inches from Tony's face, something that he didn't realize until the other man actually leaned in even closer. About an inch from touching noses, Tony glanced sidelong at the door and started whispering back. 

"Was last night the FIRST time you heard about my ex? Oof. Thought I mentioned him before, but maybe I got on the model talk train and chugged full speed ahead that way." He paused to sip his coffee, wincing slightly. "I'm not sure why you're whispering, but it's kind of fun. Carry on."

Staring down at him, Steve took a second to weigh if Tony was being serious or if he was just messing with Cap. He decided it was the latter and shook his head, glancing to check on his presumably burnt waffle.

“No, PETER’S boyfriend.”

The waffle iron had turned off when it went through its cook time. There wasn't any burnt smell, so maybe... 

"Oh, him," Tony said nonchalantly, sipping the coffee again. He went still for a long minute and then sat up, frowning. "Waitwaitwait, PETER Peter? Peter Parker Peter?"

“Yes, PETER Peter,” Cap sighed, hurrying over to save the waffle. It still had a chance—unlike the forgotten waffle on his plate, which was saggy in the middle as it grew soggy.

The waffle was a bit crunchy, but it was alright. Cap stacked it on top of the other, smashing the fruit in the middle like a sandwich.

He poured more batter and shut the iron, turning to look at Tony. Talking from that far away was a bad idea, so he waved for Tony to come over.

The dark-haired man did so--and then kept moving, until he was right in Cap's space, inches from his face again. 

"Refresh my 'memory'," he whispered suspiciously, "why were we talking about Peter's boyfriend last night? Is he a creep or something?"

“No, but there’s a good chance he might be a villain or a SHIELD agent. You said you’d have Jarvis take a look once we got Peter to tell us the man’s name. Tony,” Cap placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, mostly just to ensure that they kept a BIT more of a distance between them. “Peter sounds serious about him. We need to use TACT.”

"Hey, I can be tactful," Tony protested, but not very strongly. He was glancing at the hand on his shoulder. Sitting his coffee mug on the counter, he reached up to grab and move Steve's hand, continuing, "Leave it to me, I know what I'm doing." 

There was a clunking noise from just outside the kitchen door that made them both jump, and then hasty footsteps toward the exit to the cabin. Tony froze, hand still holding onto Cap's on his shoulder, and glanced slowly that way. 

"...Please tell me that wasn't Peter."

If it was Peter, they were in trouble if he had spotted them standing like they were. Then again…

“Tony, he said he was nervous to tell everyone he was queer. Maybe if he knows everyone here is alright with it, he’d feel more comfortable.”

When he was talking to Peter, it hadn’t occurred to him that maybe he was just nervous about his SCHOOL knowing he was dating another man. There was no helping that now, though.

“First,” Steve told Tony, keeping him close as he moved yet another waffle off of the iron with a fork, “we need to know basic information. His name. Last night, we were worried about whether Peter was dating as himself or as Spider-Man, so I had hoped that you could track all the heroes that Spider-Man has been known to work with.”

There were a lot of superheroes in New York that Cap could think of that might be a match for Peter’s wit and good nature.

…But what if it was a villain? Or a vigilante like Daredevil? Or the Punisher!

“A-and villains. It could be a villain,” he added quickly.

Tony watched him move the waffle while carefully staying super close. He smiled wryly. 

"You have any idea how many people that is? Spider-Man is famous for being the friendly neighborhood hero, Cap. And his villains are nut-jobs--they better not even be thinking about dating him." He wrinkled his nose at whichever villain he must be thinking of right then.

“But if Peter IS dating a villain, we need to understand WHY before we intervene. Maybe they had a change of heart?”

It was a silly thought, but if a villain had actually fallen in LOVE with Peter, there was a chance that his goodness might be a catalyst for change. Some of the villains in the world had gotten that way through no fault of their own and maybe, just maybe, one of them wanted a way out.

“Please god, let it NOT be a man in an animal suit,” Steve prayed aloud, pouring batter and scowling at the waffle iron. Spider-Man had some of the strangest villains Cap had seen--And that was saying something, with all of the bizarre opponents Hydra had dished out over the years. 

"I do remember one thing about last night," Tony commented, picking up his coffee again. "Besides swimming with you, piggyback rides and mermaid something-or-other, I mean."

“I don’t suppose it was Clint?” Deciding that the waffles were just going to dissolve at that point, Cap picked up the waffle sandwich and took a big bite. It was as good as he had expected. Too bad Peter ran off without breakfast.

"Actually, it was--" 

"Do I smell waffles?" Peter leaned around the doorframe, peering hopefully into the kitchen. He rubbed at one eye sleepily, adding, "Are waffle irons allowed? They're technology-ish."

“Good morning Peter!” Cap barked around his waffle, dropping the rest of the sandwich back onto the plate. “I’ll have another batch ready in a minute. Do you drink coffee?”

The teen laughed, stepping into the kitchen. 

"Cap, I work with reporters." 

"That's a yes," Tony translated, sipping at his own coffee.

Steve hurried to get Peter a cup of coffee, handing the kid the plate with two fresh waffles on it as soon as it was ready.

“So, any plans for today? I was hoping someone would indulge me and help me build a sandcastle. I haven’t done that since I was a kid.”

Accepting the plate, Peter immediately started piling whipped cream and berries on top of a waffle. He sandwiched the other on top like Cap had done with his. 

"My only plan is to hang out and try not to look at my phone. I have to keep it on in case Aunt May calls," he explained guiltily, glancing at Tony. The billionaire gave a little snort. 

"If only I was known for being responsible, I could use that excuse in case Pepper calls me."

“I found a good spot yesterday,” Steve told Peter, smiling. “I just need to gather up some shells and glass before I start working on a design.” Feeling awkward for asking, Cap added to Tony, “I could use some help with that, too. I’d hate for it to turn out looking like Doom’s place.”

Tony lowered his coffee, blinking. 

"Huh. I guess I could sketch some ideas out," he offered, like drawing designs on paper was a really particular and deliberate choice. For a guy who usually had access to computers with holographic screens, it really was. Tony was doing remarkably well at not complaining about missing his tech, too. He seemed determined to live like a normal person for the week.

"Once it's done, I'll take some nice pics of it," Peter offered, brightening at the idea of Tony joining their endeavor. "Sounds like fun!"

Hank shuffled into the kitchen just then, looking the least gloomy Cap had seen him since they'd arrived. Now he just seemed preoccupied with something as he walked right past everybody and to the coffee pot, pouring a mug full.

“Good morning,” Cap told him, leaning to pat the man’s shoulder in between pouring a new waffle. “How was frisbee last night?”

As Cap turned back to him, he looked for bruises. Hank had wound up on his butt in the sand a couple of times yesterday.

The blond scientist didn't seem hurt, but mention of the frisbee game made him fidget uncomfortably. 

"What? Oh, it was fine. Fun," he added hopelessly late, trying to salvage a positive tone and failing. "Excuse me, Cap." He picked up his coffee mug and retreated back out of the kitchen as quickly as he'd arrived.

Peter watched him go curiously. 

"Has anybody seen Thor or Jan today?" Tony just about spat out his coffee at the seemingly innocent question, and started coughing into his hand. He must have inhaled a drop or two.

Cap sat a plate down with a freshly steaming waffle on it and leaned to pat Tony’s back gently.

“I haven’t been outside yet.”

Wow, he hadn’t even done his morning jog, Steve realized sadly. Or his push ups. He’d have to do those after breakfast.

Tony cleared his throat loudly and went right back to drinking the coffee once he wasn't coughing anymore. 

"I smelled waffles and came straight here from my hammock," Peter admitted sheepishly. "Which is yours, right? I really don't mind sleeping on the roof if you want to sleep there tonight, I swear."

If Peter had come here straight from the bed, then whatever clumsy person had ran away from the kitchen earlier was somebody else. Hawkeye was a likely candidate.

The thought was worrying, but Clint had been a SHIELD agent. Hopefully he could manage to keep a secret.

Realizing that Peter had spoken to him, Cap came out his thoughts abruptly.

“The couch is fine,” he quickly assured Peter. If Peter slept out in the kitchenette area, that left Cap in Tony’s room. Well, their room technically. After all the confusing thoughts last night, sharing a room was bound to be awkward. 

Finishing up another batch of waffles, Cap was annoyed that he had so much batter left. He had things he had to check on.

Like Peter and his boyfriend.

"Ooh, a couch? I love sleeping on couches," Peter said cheerfully. "This's your vacation I crashed, Cap--it's the least I can do to sleep on the couch and let you have your hammock. Besides, a couch is kind of cramped for somebody like you to fit onto, isn't it?" 

Tony mumbled something about muscles and swigged the last of the coffee in his mug.

“No, no. The couch is perfect. Honestly, you can have the hammock. You like swings.”

The couch was built more for looks than for comfort. Sleeping on it reminded Cap of camping in the field. There were lots of lumps and sticks to keep you from sleeping too deeply.

Peter shrugged. 

"I mean, if you like it, okay. But if you change your mind, just let me know." He turned to Tony. "Want me to bring you some paper and a pencil to get started on that sandcastle design?"

"Sure, why not?" Tony looked amused by the kid's enthusiasm. Peter grinned and took off, forgetting about his plate of waffles.

“Get a name,” Cap whispered to Tony in passing. “Even if it’s just a normal name, maybe we can use Jarvis to narrow it down with what secret identities we DO know.”

Getting Peter to relax and stop worrying what the Avengers think could also help. Maybe seeing Bruce and Clint together would make him feel better?

Tony gave him a covert thumbs up just before Peter returned with a bright yellow backpack slung over one shoulder. Unzipping it, he pulled out a notebook and a little pencil case and sat them on the table in front of Tony. 

"So, this's graph paper because it's for my math class, but this's a much better use for it," he said with certainty.

Leaving them to their plans, Cap went back to making waffles. It was beginning to feel like he was working in a restaurant. Too bad he didn’t have his Identicard to call everyone over to eat.

It was nice to be able to talk to Tony again, even if it was temporary. Cap was certain that once they were satisfied Peter was dating someone decent, he and Tony would be right back to distancing themselves.

That might be for the best if Cap kept thinking of Tony all the time.

Who had said that to him before? It had been Peter, hadn’t it? When he described being in love.

Steve frowned and poured another waffle.

A week without technology was leaving him too much time to think.  


* * *

  
Spitting out sand, Clint coughed into his arm. He’d awakened with a start—and a POUNDING headache—belly down on the beach. The sun was already up, and he was dismayed to see lots of people walking around. Thankfully, he was laying in a little alcove of sorts. Still spitting out grit, he was considering standing when he noticed there was a body beside him.

Leaning over the sleeping form, Clint stared. It was Bruce and he was completely NAKED.

The archer immediately lay flat on his stomach again, frantically paging through his torn up memories of last night to figure out how he and Bruce had wound up cozied up together.

Bonfire, tequila, Tony. Hugging Cap? Had that happened? The memories after giving the captain a hug were really blurry. Clint could recall stars and the feeling of his head spinning.

Bruce in his birthday suit—not so much.

Clint shifting a bit must have disturbed Bruce's silent sleep, because he stirred a little, sighing slowly. Noticing he was nestled up against someone, he suddenly froze, then cautiously opened his eyes. They were still brown, luckily. 

Bruce's brows furrowed as he took in how Clint looked. Like he'd been run over by a truck and dunked in tequila, based on how Clint felt right now. 

"Did we... Did we fall asleep on the beach?"

Had drunk Clint been braver than sober Clint? Because that would be really bad…

Wait. Naked Bruce. The scientist had borrowed some of Clint’s clothes yesterday, so they hadn't been stretchy. If Bruce turned big and green...

Frowning, Clint decided to wait on telling Bruce that. Cap and Tony had been pretty damn clear about Hulk not being allowed on the trip.

“Um, I dunno. I think my plan to get Tony drunk backfired,” Clint groaned, clutching his head with a hand. 

Bruce sat up on his elbows and glanced around the beach to see if anybody was staring at them. It wasn't a private beach or anything, so...probably. He didn't seem that uncomfortable with laying around wearing just a little sand, but maybe that was because nobody from the Avengers had showed up yet and noticed him.

"I need to warn you before he talks to you," Bruce began, looking at Clint again wearily. "I let Cap think you might be interested in Tony when I talked to him last night. You can just deny it and say I don't know what I'm talking about, that's fine." He sighed. "I'm not around much that people see, so for all they know it's true."

“Uh,” Clint sat up too, scratching his head—which quickly turned to dusting sand from his hair. “So, I sort of panicked last night. Ahhh…well, I was trying to get Tony to open up and I was drunk…” Cringing, Clint sighed. “I told him we were dating. Sorry. Just tell him I’m full of crap.”

Bruce smiled wryly at him and reached up, pulling something out of Clint's hair. Was that...a hunk of seaweed? When...?

"At least you had alcohol as an excuse. I was just trying to see if Cap was jealous or pressured at all to talk to Tony honestly before somebody else whisked him away," he explained. "But he just seems sad, honestly. I'm not sure he's the type to get jealous." 

He paused, dusting his own hair, and frowned. "...I'm really curious how we wound up like this if I didn't drink, though. I don't remember taking my clothes off. They're probably washed away in the ocean by now." That was punctuated by a heavy sigh.

“Man, I liked those shorts,” Clint quipped, climbing painfully to his feet and offering Bruce his hands to help him up.

Grabbing his hands, the brunette stood up and stepped right up next to him, glancing around them again. Now that they were standing, several beachgoers had noticed them and were whispering as they passed by. 

"Uh. Think I could borrow your shirt until we get back to the cabin to cover up?" Bruce asked tiredly. "This is a new one on me. I can't remember the last time I lost a whole outfit that wasn't because of the Hulk."

Of course Bruce would figure it out sooner or later. Clint cringed, slipping his shirt off over his head. He shook it out a bit before handing it over.

“I could steal a beach towel or something,” he offered, gesturing down the beach. Were they near the cabins?

Clint took note of the alcove, as it might work as a spot to bury that tackle box. It was out of the way and the sand was piled up, so he could just rake it around to cover any holes he dug.

Awkwardly, Bruce slipped the shirt over his head, stuck both arms through the top along with his head, and pulled it down to wear around his waist like a skirt. Probably wasn't the first time he'd ever done that, from how fast he decided how to wear it. It was just a tank top, but he held onto one shoulder strap to keep it from falling down and turned to get his bearings about where they were. It was a stretch of beach Clint didn't recognize. Great, which way did they come from?

Snickering to himself, he made his way out of the alcove and looked both ways up and down the beach.

At first glance, the left seemed to be the right direction since it had more of those giant umbrellas. But the right had some, too.

Too tired to think on it more, Clint picked the left and started walking.

Bruce trailed after him, hurrying to keep up. The guy didn't even have his shoes anymore, and Clint knew the Hulk was the reason why. Did Bruce really think there was any other explanation, though? What exactly did he think they'd been up to for him to wind up naked with them both cuddled up together in the sand? 

"I think we're lost." Bruce glanced up and down the beach. "Maybe we should write SOS in the sand with a stick," he suggested, deadpan.

“I dunno, Tony said this was a low-tech beach. There might not be airplanes,” Clint replied, matching his tone.

Man, that was a lot of freckles, he thought, trying not to look at Bruce. He remembered some of his conversation with Tony and the part about him being a creep for not telling Bruce he liked him came to mind the clearest.

The blond let the thought pass by. It somehow felt way harder to ask Bruce out than a regular person. Either because he was the first man Clint was attracted to, or because he was a close friend—who knew. It just seemed like a daunting task, especially when Clint was hung over with sand under his tongue.

“Uh, did you have any luck talking to Cap? You said he didn’t seem like the jealous type.”

"He's definitely not," Bruce confirmed. "I should have figured. This is Captain America we're talking about. But I used the idea that you like Tony to convince him to try talking to Tony for me and see if he can feel out whether Tony knows any of the other Avengers have feelings for him. I honestly hope Tony misinterprets that to be about Cap's feelings and breaks the ice, but that's probably asking for too much." 

He glanced at Clint guiltily. "That's not all, though. I told Cap you were pretending to flirt with me to misdirect anybody from how you feel about Tony. So, uh, Cap thinks there's something one-sided going on with us, and Tony thinks we're dating. We're probably going to get yelled at either way." He laughed tiredly, shaking his head.

“Okay,” Clint said, trying to process all that information. 

So, he was supposed to act like he had a crush on Tony? No wait. Cap wasn’t jealous. So, he was supposed to act like he had a crush on Bruce? He actually did, so that would be easy. Not that he was some damn high school kid or something.

“Um…should we pretend to be dating? Might make everyone more open to the idea. Or would that be weird?” Clint mused, frowning to himself. 

It’d be a great excuse for him to spend time with Bruce, but wasn’t that creepy when Bruce didn’t know? Maybe he should just come clean and get rejected now rather than later.

He didn’t have enough coffee in him to think about it yet.

Meanwhile, Bruce looked thoughtful. 

"I could tell Steve I was wrong about you liking Tony, and that after we talked, I realized all of the over-the-top flirting was genuine," he offered, raising an eyebrow. "But then we have to go back and explain all over again that it was a ruse later at some point." He sighed and tied the tank top loop he'd been holding onto into a knot over one hip so it stayed up without him holding onto it. "I don't like lying to Cap, even if we're trying to help him."

“Yeah,” Clint said, trying not to dwell on it. Okay then. Bruce didn’t like him and that was the bottom line. Tossing those thoughts aside for After Coffee Clint, he continued on down the beach, focusing on the people around them.

Swimmers, the giggle of kids doing who knows what, Captain America making a sandcastle.

Wait.

Clint stared. Yup, that was Cap. He was raking sand into a big pile with a piece of driftwood.

Sighing, Clint pointed Cap out to Bruce.

The scientist looked over and shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other in the sand. 

"He actually looks like he's having a good time. We should leave him be for awhile," he suggested. "And I should go find some clothes, anyway. I'm probably already sunburned from walking around like this." He sighed wearily. "Uh, by the way, I hope you don't mind if I exaggerated to Cap with the 'over-the-top flirting' talk. Some things we did yesterday would probably count as flirting. Maybe. I don't know, I haven't dated in a really long time." 

He scratched his head and glanced uneasily over toward the steps up to the cabin. "Anyway, I'm going to just..." With a nod that way, he hurried off. Maybe he didn't want to hear whether Clint had actually been flirting or not.

Clint watched him go, brushing more sand from his hair.

Well. There it was. Underlined, even.

As desperately as he wanted to swig down a bucket of coffee, Bruce had gone up to the cabin. Following after him meant that Clint might have to come up with words and put them into sentences way too soon.

But…there was no need to hide the tackle box anymore. Once Bruce had that, he wouldn’t want to hang around Clint anyway.

Trudging across the sand, he started up the steps to the cabin.

"Hey, good morning!" The light, cheerful voice somehow still made Clint jump. Turning, he saw Peter walking up the beach from behind him, holding an assortment of small bits of driftwood, seaweed, and shells. The kid was in yet another borrowed outfit--a plain white T-shirt that had to be Bruce's and a pair of bright red shorts. Judging by the various kinds of beetles printed on them, the shorts were Hank's. There was something ironic about Spider-Man wearing beetles, Clint's uncaffeinated brain thought. "Uh, you in there?" Peter prodded, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Morning,” Clint replied slowly. Judging by the assortment of random crap the kid had, he was probably helping Cap with the sandcastle. 

He hadn’t noticed before, but Tony was over on the beach where Cap was too, perched in a lounge chair with a drink. Hey, maybe they worked out whatever was bothering them the day before.

After thinking for a moment, Clint just turned and started up the steps again. Whatever. After coffee, he planned to find a nice place to sulk. Probably on top of the cabin or on a rock in the sea or something. Somewhere he wouldn’t see Bruce and he wouldn’t have to see Cap and Tony suddenly getting along.

Peter hurried after him, though. 

"Hey, wait!" As soon as he was close to Clint again, he dropped his voice to a whisper, glancing over his shoulder to be sure Cap and Tony weren't listening. "You were pretty drunk last night, but I'm hoping you remember what you were talking to Tony about."

As Clint absently wiped his cheek with an arm, he was suddenly reminded that he had a huge scrape there from the rocks—which was now bleeding. Thanks, sand.

“Probably about how much I hate being here and how I want to go home,” he grumbled to Spidey, dabbing his jaw with the back of his hand. Oh, that was covered in sand too? Great. 

Coffee. Where was the damn coffee?

Peter winced sympathetically at the bleeding scrape. 

"I don't know, you came up to Cap and hugged him and you were talking about dads at the time," he explained, still very quietly. "Can, uh, can I talk to you away from the beach? It's about Cap and Tony. I'm worried about them."

“Why the hell are you worried? It looks like they kissed and made up. Enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasts—they’ll find something to bicker about again sooner or later.”

Through all the grumbling and bleeding, it took Clint a moment to notice the other half of Peter’s comment.

“Ta…talk to me?” Clint asked, dumbly. “Why me? I’m the least helpful guy around here. Go bother T’Challa.”

"T'Challa hasn't been paying attention to Cap and Tony," Peter whispered, looking saddened. "Unlike YOU, who went and gave Tony a bunch of tequila last night. What was that about?"

"Hey, I think our flag delivery got delayed," Tony joked from down the stairs. Peter glanced back at him and waved with a slightly too-large smile. 

"I'll talk to you later," he whispered to Clint out of the corner of his mouth, trying not to break the smile to do it. He turned and dashed back down to where Cap was making the sandcastle, adding in a normal volume, "Hey, sorry, Clint's just bleeding a little, that's all."

"He was already doing that yesterday," Tony said drolly, glancing up at Clint to make sure the face scrape was the only injury they were talking about. He gave Clint a little wave.

Returning the wave, Clint turned and sped up the stairs. Why were people trying to talk to him before coffee? Who did that?

Bracing himself, he ducked into their cabin. The air had the slight scent of waffles to it, and--YES, there was still some coffee left in the pot!

Clint went over and poured himself a mug full, swigging it. Halfway through swallowing, he noted it was cold, but that didn’t stop him.

Refilling his mug again, he sighed, watching the black coffee sloshing in the cup. It was only the second day of vacation. 

Oh, right. The tackle box. Tossing back his second cup of coffee, he left the mug there and peeked into the hall to make sure Bruce wasn’t on his way back yet.

He wasn’t, so the blond hung his head over the back of the couch and reached for the box.

It wasn’t there.


	6. Wading In

"How about this, Cap?" Peter held up the twig with the little seaweed flag he'd just stuck it through, waving it. Tony gave a thumbs up from his seat. 

"That's cute," he said, glancing at Cap to see if he also approved. Tony was wearing big dark shades this morning, and Peter suspected he had a hangover. Being out on a sunny beach just to make sandcastles was pretty nice of him, considering that. Why was he still drinking, though? At least, Peter was pretty sure that red drink was a Bloody Mary. Smelled like tomatoes.

“That’s perfect,” Cap told them from across the big pile of sand, only glancing up for a second. He’d been working on making the castle gate for a good five minutes, frowning and patting the sand hard enough that he probably had to start over a couple times.

Down the beach, Peter saw T’Challa laying on a big brightly colored beach towel covered in cartoon sea creatures. He looked like he was asleep, a book sitting on his stomach.

A glint caught Peter’s eye and he saw Lola making her way toward them. The woman was wearing a tiny gold bikini today and was fixing her hair quickly, her excited eyes locked on Cap’s back.

"H-hey, I know it's technology and I shouldn't have it here right now, but I brought my phone," Peter confessed to Cap and Tony quickly, pulling the phone out. "Could we take a vacation pic together, the three of us? Maybe with the sandcastle once it's done!"

Tony gave a slight smirk and pulled his own smartphone out of his pocket, holding it up. 

"Sure, let's see if the castle survives Steve making it first, though. No offense, Cap--you might need a more delicate touch on that." He got up and sat his drink aside, stepping over to look at the sandcastle critically, pulling out the sketches he'd made for it to compare them. "Hmm...left tower's a little short, and the parapets are gonna be crowded, but otherwise not too bad!"

Cap frowned as Tony spoke, staring at the castle like it had done the Hydra salute.

As the blond made to get up, he turned and gawked at Lola’s legs as the woman stopped on his other side to admire the castle.

She played with the tip of her braid and tipped her head.

“Wow. I love your attention to detail. You must be used to working with your hands,” she purred down to Cap, who averted his eyes from her legs up to her face.

“Um, thank you, ma’am.”

Lola waved a hand at Spidey.

“Good morning Peter. Is your uncle awake yet? I wanted to apologize for hitting his nose with that frisbee,” she giggled.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Cap cut in, frowning all over again.

"She's talking about Thor," Peter supplied, hopping to his feet and giving the woman a smile. "Yeah, he left pretty early. I wasn't even awake yet."

Tony stuck a hand out to Lola with a winning smile. 

"I'm Tony, and that's Steve. Sorry, but how do you know Peter again?"

“Oh, it’s not as bad as it looks,” Lola told him, placing her hand in his and shaking it. She looked from Tony to Steve, smiling tightly. “Are you his parents?”

Crossing his arms, Cap surprised Peter when he nodded.

"Yup, that's us," Tony said, as if challenging her to question it. "And he's a high schooler, so...HOW do you know him again?"

Peter was kind of flustered and baffled they were just stating themselves as his parents, and stammered a bit as he filled in, "She's just another visitor on the beach, I-I just met her yesterday and invited her to the frisbee game. It's no big deal, really!"

Retrieving her hand, Lola gestured to Peter.

“Exactly. He told me that his friend Thor wouldn’t mind me joining the game, so I did. It’s as simple as that. And, since Thor is not here, I’ll leave you three to your family time.”

“Have a nice day,” Cap told her, though there was no hint of sincerity in his voice. As soon as Lola sauntered off, Cap turned back to Peter with his arms still crossed. He didn’t say anything, just gave a very suspicious look.

It might have been his Spidey senses, but Peter got the idea from that look that MAYBE Cap was remembering their conversation about him having a boyfriend.

"Well, she seemed 'nice'," Tony said dryly, turning to Peter as well. The teen gave them both a look of disbelief. 

"Uh. Yeah, she seems like it?" He offered uncertainly. "I'm sorry, I'm still back at the part where you both just told somebody you're my DADS. That's..." He shook his head, cursing his suddenly-misty eyes.

Dropping his arms to his sides immediately, Cap cleared his throat.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to overstep boundaries, just...” The captain sighed, glancing after Lola. “Something about that woman bothers me. She seems like she’s after something.”

"Yeah, Thor," Peter said. Wasn't that part obvious? He glanced at Tony, who was looking bothered by the look on Peter's face, and added to both of them, "I-I didn't mind you saying you were my parents, I just realized that really is what we're doin' with the sandcastle--family time. I wanted to take a picture and everything. Is that dumb?"

Peter had been worrying about Cap and Tony without even taking himself into account. Oh, no, were they just getting along this well even for his sake?

“That’s not dumb, Peter,” Cap told him, chuckling a bit. He circled to Peter’s side of the castle and patted the teen’s back. “We can definitely take a picture if you like. It’d be nice to have something on the walls that wasn’t from 70 years ago.”

"As long as you're not both pretending to have fun just to make me happy," Peter replied worriedly. "No offense, but you guys seem like you're mad at each other." Tony opened his mouth to reply, then quickly shut it again. He glanced at Cap and frowned. 

"Mad? Nah. Not at him. At Hawkeye for getting me sloshed on tequila, yes."

Captain America took Peter’s statement very seriously, his expression growing sad.

“Peter,” he began, blue eyes flicking Tony’s way. Then he pulled on a weary smile and patted Peter’s back again. “Let’s finish this castle.”

He brushed back past Tony and dropped to his knees in the sand to start working on the castle again.

Peter took a deep breath and shrugged it off, plunking down with him and pretending to get wrapped up in picking out seashells to top the parapets. He had his answer, though. Something was definitely bothering both of them, and just as definitely it was something they didn't want to discuss with him. There were only a few things Peter could imagine them wanting to censor for him, and romantic troubles was one. 

He wasn't even sure the two of them had ever become a couple, but they were acting a whole lot like one that was on the outs right now. Okay, less dramatic about it than the couples in his high school, but essentially the same 'put on a happy face in public to save your reputation' routine as that. 

He'd get to the bottom of it, he swore. Maybe knowing Peter was dating a guy would make them more comfortable telling him if they were together, right? Right. Maybe he didn't know what he was talking about, and they were just friends. Friends who got jealous when the other walked on the beach with Dr. Banner, or got hugged by drunk Hawkeye. Yeah.  


* * *

  
What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Clint paced, rubbing his forehead and racing through the list of suspects all over again.

Bruce would have used the box if he had found it, so it wasn’t him. Tony and Cap had both demanded that he hand the box to Bruce—so they would have given it to him the moment they found it. Same went for Peter, who had been there for the whole tackle box conversation.

T’Challa had been in plain sight all day and had slept in the other cabin. He had no involvement with the box and would probably open it, investigate it, and put it back if he found it.

Hank was too distracted whining about his bug stuff to look behind the couch in the first place, plus he had been there at the time when Cap told Clint to give the box to Bruce. Ant-Man would probably hand it over to Bruce, too.

Jan was mischievous when bored, so there was a chance she’d do something with the box…if she knew it was theirs. Knowing her, if she found a box behind the couch, she’d assume it was treasure and show it to everyone.

That left Thor, who wouldn’t look behind the couch without a good reason—just like he wouldn’t TAKE the box without a good reason. He hadn’t heard about the box being here and therefore, he had no motivation to move it.

Tossing his hands up, Clint spun and plunked down on the edge of the balcony. It overlooked the beach, giving him a clear view of where everyone was.

The only person not on the beach was Hank and Clint had seen the man retreating into his own cabin last.

 _One of these jerks is screwing up my life!_ Clint thought bitterly, watching a tall blond man weaving down the beach.

A thought slowly occurred to him and he scowled.

_What if it was me? What if I got wasted and threw the box in the sea?_

If he had, Hulk would know about it. Clint had dizzy memories of hanging out with his giant green friend last night after Bruce had gone to sleep. There was no way Hulk would have thrown the box out, right? Maybe he'd smashed it... Ugh, Clint wouldn't put it past his very drunk self last night to ASK Hulk to smash the box. Bruce had spent the entire day with him, pretty much, and even sneakily plotted with him about how to figure out Cap's and Tony's relationship woes. They made a good team. Clint didn't regret hiding the stupid box. 

He hadn't meant to destroy it, though. Bruce really loved fishing, and sooner or later he was probably going to be pissed once he found out Clint had taken it. And once Cap figured out Clint had never handed it back to him in the first place... 

Aw, man. Cap's reasons to yell at him were piling up fast.

Puffing out a sigh, Clint rested his head against the balcony bars and stared down at the people on the beach. That tall blond guy had changed course while Clint was lost in thought land. Now the man was stopped below the balcony, big blue eyes looking excitedly up at Hawkeye.

Who the hell was this guy?

“Hey, is there a Peter staying with you? 18? Really flexible? Super hot?” The man shouted up loudly, waving an arm.

Clint stared down at him, trying to judge which one of Spidey’s crazy baddies was tall and blond.

“…Are you serious?” He asked at long last, hopping to his feet and leaning on the balcony.

“He’s got toned puns and smart buns! Er, the other way around!” The man shouted back up.

Disturbed from his nap, T’Challa sat up abruptly, clutching his book and looking around.

Concerned by how the King of Wakanda might perceive his shouted conversation, Clint cleared his throat loudly.

“Sorry, no Peters here! Get lost!”

Bruce stepped up next to the blond guy, who kind of towered over him, and shaded his eyes with one hand as he looked up at Clint. 

"So that's where you went."

Oh great. Bruce had found him. Clint sank back down behind the balcony railing and groaned, slapping a hand over his face.

The blond’s attention was immediately moved to Bruce. Maybe he’d distract the scientist so Clint could get away?

“Hey, do you know a Peter? Super hot? 18? Very flexible?” He heard the tall blond guy ask, excited. “I put a tracking device in his hot dog and this is where it said it was, so here I am!”

Tracking device? Clint sat up again, frowning over the balcony at the two men. Okay, maybe it WAS one of the whack jobs from Peter’s neighborhood.

Except Peter kept his identity secret for this exact reason--so no weirdos knew who he really was. Clearly this guy knew, whoever he was.

Bruce crossed his arms and gave the guy a long, critical look. 

"Who's asking?"

“Oh,” the man said, puffing his chest and crossing his arms, too. When he answered, his voice was pitched a lot lower. “I’m his old pal. Wade’s the name, killing’s the game—only not really, cause Spi-PETER said that’s bad! Which it totally is. Not denying that, just want to get my two cents in there that some people are serious assholes and MAYBE deserve to have their hoohahs chopped off.”

Okay, Bruce needed backup. 

Forgetting where he was and how he was dressed, Clint hopped over the balcony, dropping to the sand below and rolling to his feet. He dusted himself briefly and came over to size the guy up.

And up was right. The guy was ripped and tall. The man stared down at him, blue eyes wide and just a little crazy. Ooh boy. Clint had gone through the villains database a couple of times at the mansion and he didn’t remember seeing this guy’s face. He would have remembered him. 

If Clint wasn’t used to talking crap to the Hulk, he might have been intimidated by the height difference. Maybe.

“Alright, creep, I told you Peter’s not here! Get lost.”

"You say you tracked him here?" Bruce asked, frowning. "That doesn't strike you as stalking?" He glanced at Clint, then back to Wade, waving toward the driveway to the place. "Yeah, I think you’d better go."

“Stalking? What? No!” Wade waved both his hands quickly. “No, dudes, look—I’ll come clean.” He moved up close to them, hunching down to whisper. “He tracks me like all the time! It’s a thing we do. It shows how much we care.”

Staring the man down, Clint wedged himself between Wade and Bruce, sticking a hand on the stranger’s shoulder to push him back. Bruce didn’t need to Hulk out.

“Are you WITH Peter?”

“With?” Wade asked, quirking a blond eyebrow. “Um,” he said slowly, looking them both over. Clint recognized that look—he was sizing them up. “We bros, my dudes,” the man laughed thinly. “You know, just bros!”

"Right," Bruce said wearily. "Well, your tracker's off. He's not here." 

Down the stairs to the beach just then, Peter's voice echoed up. 

"Say cheese!" He, Tony and Steve all smiled for the picture, posed around their rather Stark-looking sandcastle as the camera clicked.

Bruce sighed.

Those huge crazy eyes turned from them to stare down the beach. Clint could swear he saw the man’s ears perk up as he dodged past them and took off down the beach at a full sprint.

“Ah shit,” Clint growled, hurrying after him. So much for their vacation! Spider-Man was going to have a big brawl with this guy and they were going to have to go home early, tackle box or no tackle box.  


* * *

  
Peter was too smart to fool for long, Tony thought, even as he smiled brightly for the camera. The kid could tell he and Cap had something going on, but couldn't figure out what. 

Maybe because Tony couldn't figure out exactly what, either. What did Steve want from him, anyway? First they avoided each other, then Steve made sure he got to bed okay drunk and fed him waffles in the morning, and now there was the whole family sandcastle time and 'we're his dads' to that babe in the bikini. 

Tony remembered more of the evening before than he let on, too, and Steve had given him a piggyback ride back to the cabin. Besides being disgustingly cute, that was just...not 'avoiding you' behavior even slightly. Talk about mixed signals.

"This is awesome," Peter declared, holding up the phone to show him and Steve the picture. They looked like a happy family, smiling in the sun with their sandcastle and Tony's shades reflecting the beautiful beach view opposite them. Tony had sneaked an arm over to rest on Steve's shoulder for the picture, and had been met with no resistance. 

Mixed signals, one hundred percent.

Cap leaned over Peter’s shoulder to look, too, smiling brightly.

“Can you send us a copy?”

‘Us.’

“PETER!” A loud voice shrieked, right before the owner slammed into the three of them. Tony stumbled as Cap did, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Peter being lifted off the ground in a pair of muscular arms. Steve caught Tony and stood him on his feet, turning to face whoever it was like he was expecting a fight.

Waving Peter around in the air like he was a doll was a big tall guy, dressed in Spider-Man print swimming trunks and a white tank top. He was grinning as he dangled Spidey, talking quickly.

“It took me forever to get down here! The train was PACKED and everyone was confused why I wanted to come here and Matt gave me so much SHIT about that homeless guy—he yelled at me for like HOURS! I told him you were, you know, MISSING, and we went to your school in hoodies and stalked your ex. But SHE didn’t know where you either, then I remembered the hot dog and I took the first bus out! Sorry I’m late!” He plunked Peter down on his feet, then hugged him tightly again. “Ah man, I miss you! You smell like waffles,” he added, sounding curious.

Peter, Tony observed with suspicion, looked like a deer in the headlights. 

"Cap made waffles for breakfast," he said, of all the things to reply to. Handing the phone to Tony, he gave him and Cap a big nervous smile and added, "I-I need to talk to him for a sec, be right back!" 

He grabbed the blond guy by the arm and easily slung him over his shoulder, taking off down the beach at a run. It was easy to forget Peter's strength, with how skinny he was.

"...Think that might be the boyfriend," Tony told Cap grimly, shoving his phone into his pocket.

“The boyfriend,” Cap echoed through his teeth. “There’s no way that man is the same age as Peter. But we need to get to know him before we do anything rash,” the blond added tightly. 

He turned to Tony and gestured after them. 

“I think we should pretend to be a couple. If Peter’s ashamed of being seen with his boyfriend, maybe we can put his mind at ease by leading by example. I know I’m asking a LOT,” Cap added, holding his hand up in case Tony tried to cut him off. “I don’t mean for us to do anything more than talk. But saying we’re together might help us get Peter and his boyfriend to talk more openly.”

Really? Tony looked at him and was grateful his sunglasses hid his eyes, because a whole bunch of things were probably readable in them right now. He arched an eyebrow. 

"Don't you think the rest of the team will also wonder? You heard Peter, apparently it's obvious to the rest of the team that we're hardly on speaking terms right now. I'm not even sure how we got this way. Not important, though, you're right. If Peter's involved with that obviously-not-high schooler, we need to keep very close eyes on them."

Unlike Tony, Cap wasn’t wearing sunglasses and it was very easy to see the sadness in his eyes. Slowly, he ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he said heavily, pausing just long enough for Clint to interrupt their conversation.

“What the hell, guys? You didn’t stop that freak? He said he TRACKED Peter here! With a tracking device. That didn’t ring any alarm bells?” The archer stopped between them, flicking a hand after Peter. “Pretty sure that’s Daredevil and you know he’s trouble!”

“Daredevil?” Cap asked, his voice still sad. He looked after Peter, frowning. “He’s a vigilante.”

"Daredevil's a carrot top, guys," Tony said assuredly. "And shorter than that guy." He frowned after Peter and the blond, too. "And he did not mention any tracking devices. God, maybe he is a SHIELD agent..."

He turned to Steve and clapped him on the shoulder. "Let's do it. Starting now."

Bruce, who has arrived with Clint, gave them a really dubious look. 

"He said his name is Wade, by the way. And he also knows Peter's age and called him 'super hot', so in case he tries to say they're 'just bros', I don't think so."

"Really," Tony said grimly, picking up his drink. He turned and started off down the beach after Peter.

He heard heavy footsteps as Cap followed after him, but the other two stayed behind.

“Tony, we need to be nice,” Steve told him quietly. “Peter said he likes this man. Wade. They’re in a very serious relationship, from the sound of it.”

Ahead down the beach, more whispering was happening as Peter leaned close to his boyfriend, waving his hands pointedly. Wade looked confused, but was nodding along with their conversation attentively.

Tony snorted. 

"He's 18, he barely knows what a serious relationship is!" He replied quietly as well. He kind of wanted to just say it loudly so Wade over there would get the picture. 

Peter glanced, saw them approaching, and waved for Wade to follow him, trudging over to meet them both. 

"Listen, I'm really sorry--I didn't plan to be gone a week and he got worried about me," he began, gesturing to Wade over his shoulder. "I didn't plan to crash your vacation, and I really really didn't plan for him to!"

“It’s alright Peter,” Steve assured him, pulling on a careful smile and extending a hand to Wade. “I’m Steve and this is Tony. What’s your name, son?”

“Oh my god!” The tall man squeaked, slapping his hand into Cap’s and shaking it roughly. “I’m a HUGE fan! Would you sign me?” Wade asked, suddenly producing a permanent marker from out of nowhere. 

“Um,” Cap managed, staring at the pen.

“WADE! I’m Wade!” The man said quickly, still shaking Steve’s hand. “Sorry, short attention span.” He laughed nervously and finally let go of Cap’s hand, offering his hand to Tony next.

Tony shook his hand, now glad for his dark shades because they might make him more intimidating. 

"Yeah, hi... Nice Spidey shorts," he said meaningfully. Did this guy know Peter was Spider-Man? If he did, that said a whole lot about how much the kid trusted him.

Glancing down at his trunks in alarm, Wade started laughing nervously as he stepped back, taking another step to put himself BEHIND Peter. He gave Spidey an apologetic look.

“Well, Wade, why don’t you join us for lunch? We’d love to get to know you and if you’re friends with Peter, you must like hot dogs,” Cap told the man, his eyes glancing in Peter’s direction.

“Whoa! How’d you know that? Did you tell him, ba—Peter?” Wade asked his boyfriend, suddenly excited again. “I LOVE wieners!” He half shouted at Cap, who cringed.

"I mean, us New Yorkers, hot dogs are a tradition," Peter added quickly with a nervous smile. "C'mon, Wade, looks like I don't have to shove you back on the train right now after all."

Not yet anyway, Tony thought ominously, smiling at them as they fell into step and started back toward the stairs. 

"So how'd you two meet? You sure don't look like you go to his high school," he said pointedly to Wade.

“Uhhhhhh…” Wade began weakly, glancing at Peter for some kind of cue, but not waiting long enough to get one. “Peter, uh, went to check out my college. In one of those programs that let people…check out colleges.”

“Which college?” Cap asked nicely.

Swallowing nervously, Wade slung an arm over Peter’s shoulders and coughed loudly.

Peter patted the blond's arm, shooting him a sympathetic look. What was that about?

"Queensborough Community College," he said, giving Steve and Tony both pleading looks next. "I know it's not some big university, but I-I kind of wanted to stick close to Queens so I could check in on Aunt May, you know?" 

Oh, Tony realized. Wade clearly recognized who Steve was, and probably everybody recognized Tony Stark's face on sight unless they lived under a rock. Maybe Peter thought Wade would be embarrassed to be going to a community college when talking to a billionaire. As if there weren't other way more worrisome things to judge this guy over...

"It's really pretty cool," Peter added hastily. "They've got a STEM academy that looks awesome."

“Community college is fine, but you know that we’ll help you go to whatever college you want,” Cap said, stopping at the burned out bonfire from the night before. He busied himself collecting up cups and candy bar wrappers—but as he passed Tony, he gave him a surprisingly stern look. “I’m going to go grab the hamburgers from the fridge. Why don’t you start the fire?”

"Hey! That reminds me, I've got to grab some buns," Tony added immediately, "yup, buns for the hamburgers. Be right back." He turned and headed straight after Steve, nearly jogging to catch up. Ouch, ouch, jogging while still a little hung over, ouch.

“What’re you doing?” Cap hissed to him. “Someone needs to keep an eye on them!”

Even after saying that, he was still hurrying up to the cabin.

"Clint and Banner are right here," Tony commented, pointing at the two as they hurried past them. He was sure he'd gotten some confused looks in return, but whatever. Tony trailed after Cap as they reached the cabin and stepped inside. "Something's not right, here. He doesn't even look like a college guy, unless he's some sort of body builder."

“Tony, we agreed that we’d get to know him first,” Cap told him, though it sounded more like he was reminding himself. “Before we throw him in prison,” the First Avenger added darkly as he circled the kitchen counter.

Ducking across the kitchen, Cap grabbed frozen patties from the freezer and an armload of condiments from the actual fridge before he shut the door.

"Yeah, well there's one thing we can agree on," Tony grumbled, rummaging in the cooler. Virgin Bloody Mary was a lame flavor, and since getting drunk while keeping an eye on somebody would be just plain stupid, he wound up taking one of Cap's root beers. 

Popping the top off on the edge of the counter, he toasted Steve with it. 

"He just so happens to be a Spider-Man fan, really? And he used a tracking device to find him? C'mon, Cap. He's waving all sorts of red flags, here! He's ripped enough to be a super-something, and I don't like that one bit."

"Who is waving red flags?" Thor's deep voice made both men flinch. The big blond was, it turned out, sitting on the couch with a glass of some dark liquid in hand. Tony would assume mead, but he sure hadn't packed any of the stuff...

Clearing his throat, Cap hoisted the food he was holding up.

“We were about to start lunch.” There was a pause, then Cap added, “A woman came looking for you this morning. Black hair, green eyes—very beautiful—oh right. You played frisbee together. Sorry, I forgot,” the captain mumbled, fidgeting with the hamburger patties. “I think she wants a rematch.”

Thor's smile was a very knowing one, and Tony instantly got the impression frisbee wasn't all they were playing at, here. The demi-god stood up from the couch and came over to sit his drink on the counter. 

"Aye, she mentioned that she would return. I had best go and find her, then. Good luck with your flag waver, and do try to be kind to each other," he said meaningfully. 

Tony raised his eyebrows. 

"Me, unkind to Cap? Can't imagine what you're talking about," he said coolly. 

Glancing over at Steve, Thor chuckled and patted them both on the shoulders. 

"I jest, my friends! Of course you're getting along well--I happened upon you this morning and you seemed quite amiable indeed!" With a little smirk, he turned and headed off down the hallway for the cabin door. 

Tony stared after him. 

"This morning?"

Coming around the counter to him, Cap frowned after Thor.

“I guess it’s just us and the kids, then,” he sighed, starting off after Thor.

"Hold it," Tony said, grabbing his shoulder. Really, he wasn't even going to comment after Thor went and said that?

“What?” Cap all but snapped at him, turning to frown at him. “We need to get back down to the fire.”

"I hate to tell you this, Cap, but Peter's already been with this guy unattended for who knows how long back home," Tony said bitterly back. "You wanna pretend we're a couple, can you start with standing still and pretending to listen to me for a second?" Wow, that sounded a lot more bitter than he'd intended. Too late now.

The frown on Cap’s face softened and he began to nod, fidgeting with the patties and condiments again.

“My apologies. I didn’t think you wanted to do that,” he explained, looking away from Tony. “You’re right. The team would see right through us.”

Tony let go of his shoulder to point a finger at him, wide-eyed. 

"Wait, wait...this's you NOT pretending to be with me? I thought that's what we were doing out there," he said, stunned. Okay, so he'd never technically said yes to the plan, but he hadn't said no either, and they'd certainly been acting like Peter's parents, introducing themselves both at the same time, the whole handshake routine... "I wasn't even about to talk about that, but wow, okay."

“Tony, if we were together, things would be different,” Cap began, but he shook his head. “Never mind. What did you want to tell me?”

Tony frowned. Things would be different how? Steve would give him a pass on, say, getting sloppy drunk and having to be carried back to his hammock? With not one word or prod about it the next morning? Different like that? Because that's what they had just done last night and this morning. 

Realizing he'd just been standing there frowning unhappily for a moment, he ran a hand through his hair and nodded at the door. 

"Just wanted to apologize. You know, for getting drunk last night and making you have to deal with me. And now I guess for shooting down your plan I didn't know I shot down."

“Like I said, if you want to say we’re a couple, we don’t have to do anything differently. Maybe we could just let Peter and his boyfriend believe whatever they like and go from there. If YOU can mistake us for pretending to be a couple, Wade might do the same thing,” Cap explained quietly, adding with a sigh, “I think Thor might think we’re together, too.”

Tony couldn't help a small smirk at that. 

"You think? He acted like he saw us making out right in front of him." He paused, wanting to say more. To ask what things would be different if they really were together, what Steve thought was missing, here. Instead, he turned and pulled the bag of hamburger buns out of the cabinet, starting past Cap and down the kitchen hallway. "We...should probably get back out there."


	7. Meddle Detecting

“Your dads are SO cool,” Wade whispered—loudly—to Peter as he lit a wad of paper towel he’d thrown into the bonfire pit. “Captain America AND Iron Man? Dude, please, help me make them LOVE ME!”

"At this point I'd be happy if they didn't kill you," Peter whispered back, shaking his head. "You don't get it--they're acting exactly how they did when they thought this lady earlier was hitting on me. They must think you're my boyfriend." 

It made perfect sense--he'd been talking to Cap about having a boyfriend last night, and boom, a dude showed up today who was all excited to see Peter. Wade wasn't actually his boyfriend--something that would potentially change in the future, depending on whether he lived through crashing the Avengers' vacation--but since Peter had slipped up and said he had a boyfriend, at least he could see how Cap and Tony might react to actually being introduced to one someday.

Not well, from the looks of it.

Standing and turning to stare at him with huge blue eyes, Wade’s mouth fell open. 

“They…Lady hitting on you? Boyfriend?” Absently chucking the lighter into the now lit paper towel, Wade took a long step to stand chest to chest with Spidey. His eyes narrowed and he leaned down to look Peter in the eye suspiciously. No comment, just the look.

It was easy to forget how many inches Wade had on him for height, Peter thought, looking up at him. It was then that he remembered Bruce and Clint were at the top of the stairs down to the beach, and probably staring at this situation. He reached up and patted the blond's cheek, mostly to stick his palm to it and pull Wade's head down low enough to whisper at him without anybody hearing. If it looked like a quick smooch on the beach, well, they shouldn't be looking anyway. Served them right. 

"I kind of sort of came out to Cap last night as bi," Peter explained. "And now you show up the next day all excited to see me, wearing Spider-Man trunks. You can see why he and Tony might get the idea we're dating."

The set of big blue eyes staring at him blinked, then Wade asked in a whisper, “Did I get shot in the head again? Damn, that always makes the hallucinations weirder.”

Trying to sit up, Wade ended up just tugging on his cheek and speaking with a slur.

“Is it Matt? You guys are totes adorbs together—I’m not denying that—but come on, bugs! You and ME! We make a duo that’s so explosive, it makes C4 piss its pantsuit!” Grabbing Peter’s hand and pulling on it, Wade added brightly, “Besides, blonds have more fun!”

Unsticking his hand, Peter sighed and took a step back from the blond, pushing on his chest to put some space between them. 

"Listen, this isn't some stupid love triangle, okay? And it's not about crime fighting teams, either! This's about me, regular old Peter Parker, high school student, and who people think I'm dating." 

He managed to keep things to a whisper, but was starting to get nervous. Cap and Tony had been gone for a few minutes--it couldn't take that long to get hamburgers from the freezer. Were they deciding whether Wade was in fact Deadpool, the crazy mercenary they kept hearing about in the police reports? Jeez, thank god Tony didn't have his suit right now so he couldn't just jump right to the database with the face recognition software... 

"Please, Wade, just tell Cap and Tony that we're not together," he whispered. "I'm begging you, here. The Avengers actually let me stay after crashing their vacation, don't mess this up for me!"

“Wait, hold on!” Wade waved his hands frantically. “What if they think I DUMPED you? You think old Spangles is gonna let that one slide? NO. He’s gonna kick my ass! BUT, ass whooping or not, I’ll do it.” Making double finger guns, Wade pointed them at Peter. “BAM—consider yourself SINGLE, baby.”

"Well, I can see a lot's happened in the last five minutes." Tony's droll comment from the staircase actually made the back of Peter's neck tingle, and that was usually the Spider Sense's way of warning for literal danger. Hastily, Peter pulled his hand away from Wade's chest and turned to Tony (now sans sunglasses), sighting Cap trailing after him. 

"Heeey, welcome back!" He said, as if he hadn't heard Tony's first comment at all. "The fire's burning nicely, bring on the burgers!" He threw in some finger guns for good measure, but there was no shutting down the piercing look Tony was giving him. Laughing uneasily, Peter retreated around to the other side of the campfire, hauling Wade along by one arm. If he stayed near Tony he might just get vaporized by that look.

Dragged easily, Wade stared at Tony and Cap. 

“…I’m new to this truth thing, but I feel like I’m getting mixed signals here,” the tall man whispered, scratching his head.

Across the fire, Peter caught another angry look being cast in Wade’s direction from Cap. The first avenger was setting up the grill like it was a guillotine. 

It didn't exactly send a "no we're not dating" message, but Peter patted the guy's back anyway. Wade was in the crosshairs because Peter had overprotective hero...mentor...parental unit...friends? Well, friends was definitely the wrong word. 

"So, uh, Wade. You mentioned talking to MJ about where I went," Peter began awkwardly. "I hope you didn't freak her out that I was actually missing or something. We're not a couple anymore, but it's not like she hates me or anything."

Why, oh why, did this have to be about his dating life so much? Peter hardly had a dating life. He was usually too busy chasing bad guys who dressed like escaped zoo animals and trying to hide his identity.

“Oh no, Matt did all the talkin’. Hot ginger to hot ginger. I think Matt said he was your cousin or something? I don’t remember. Oh and MJ might think you’re a punk that needed a lawyer.”

Tilting as he stepped, Wade brushed past Peter and swooped back around the bonfire, stopping by Cap’s side.

“So, were you asleep while you were in the ice or just really bored?”

Peter sighed. Speaking of ice, Wade was walking on the thin stuff. 

"Did I just hear what I thought I heard?" Peter jumped. When did Tony come around to his side of the fire? Whispering probably was wise, though, while Cap had Wade distracted. 

"I can explain," Peter said, holding up his hands. "It's not how it sounds!"

Tony was doing that piercing stare thing again, and it made Peter squirm. 

"Oh, yeah? How else can 'consider yourself single' sound, exactly?"

Peter averted his eyes just in time to see Cap and Wade dropping meat patties onto the grill. At least the captain wasn’t throwing him on the grill. Yet.

“Wow, your meat’s huge!” Wade commented lewdly, elbowing Cap’s arm. Steve did not look amused.

Nope, Peter wasn't feeling any better while looking over there. He turned back to Tony and mustered the biggest, saddest eyes he could manage without looking ridiculous. 

"Please. I can explain later, just don't take it out on Wade. This's my issue, not his."

Tony now looked unsure what to think, and only squinted at him a little. Peter couldn't blame him, there. His mind was racing, trying to figure out some alternate meaning for 'consider yourself single' and coming up with zilch. Maybe...since he'd been talking to Peter's ex, Wade could be confirming that she was very much over him? Great, even more lies to pile on top of what was already here. Peter kind of wished he could tell Cap and Tony the truth, that he wanted to date Wade, but Wade himself didn't even know that yet. 

Peter's head was starting to ache. He couldn't just leave Wade with hero mentor parental units 1 and 2, though, so instead he circled around to try and talk to Cap. Preferably before he used Wade as spare firewood. 

"Uh, h-hey, need any help over here? Wade, maybe you could grab some more firewood."

“Absolutely, bu-sp-Peter!” Wade agreed loudly, spinning in place and heading off along the beach. Considering how well kept the beach was, he’d be lucky if he found driftwood.

Watching him go, Cap went back to poking at the burgers.

“Are you alright, Peter?” He asked gently, looking over at the teenager with sad blue eyes. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

"Yeah, I'm fine," Peter assured him. "I mean, besides you and Tony looking like you're ready to make somebody into a body and bury it on the beach! I know Wade puts his foot in his mouth sometimes, but wow." 

"Are you really trying to tell me we didn't just hear him dumping you?" Tony stepped around to the other side of the campfire, too, crossing his arms. That looked difficult while holding a root beer bottle, but he managed. 

"You didn't," Peter said uneasily.

“Dumped you?” Steve repeated, looking from Peter to Tony. “That better NOT be what we heard.” 

With the campfire and the stressful conversation, Peter hadn’t noticed that some clouds had moved it to cast shadows on the beach.

One of those moody shadows happened to be hovering over the three of them at that moment, casting both Cap and Tony in ominous lighting.

Wade would totally appreciate that—if he wasn’t lurking behind a big beach rock, peeking back at the bonfire.

Gulp. 

Peter put his hands in his pockets, shifting from one foot to the other. He took a deep breath, trying to muster up the guts to pile more lies onto this dumb lie-filled situation, and he just couldn't do it. Cap and Tony had already seemed really sad and bothered by something before Peter brought his concerns in to worry them even more. 

"Listen, last night I-I stretched the truth a bit," he said guiltily. "I don't have a boyfriend, I have..." Oh, it sounded so pathetic, so high school, but he had to admit it. "I have this guy I like, who seems to like me, but we're not actually dating. Yet."

Flipping a patty, Cap cleared his throat.

“So, he’s your sweetheart? He seems to like you enough to track you and come all the way here from Queens.”

Peter tried covertly glancing at Wade to see if he was still spying on them. It was almost certain that he was, so Peter made sure to turn his back in case lip reading was something the guy knew. Couldn't be too careful. 

"Yeah...uh, I know it looks bad, but he's just had a lot of people treat him bad because he's...kind of weird...so he's clingy because I'm nice to him." He sighed. Okay, so Wade was also pretty insecure that Peter was going to go find somebody else he liked to spend time with better and dump the blond like a hot potato, but that right there sounded like an abusive relationship, so he wasn't going to bring it up. It wasn't some creepy possessive thing anyway. 

"Sooo, he's your sweetheart?" Tony prodded. Peter had been really hoping they would accept him rambling his way around that question.

"He's my something," he replied awkwardly. "But I can't call him my boyfriend or sweetheart or anything when I've never asked him to be. That's just weird."

Peeking over his shoulder in the direction that Wade had gone, Cap lowered his voice.

“If you’re sure about this man, I’m sure Tony can give you advice on asking someone out. However,” Steve turned and looked Peter in the eye, “Why are you afraid to be seen at school together?”

Peter rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Did he really have to say it? 

"Uh, well, look at him. I don't want to get him arrested," he mumbled. 

"Yeah, exactly how old IS he, anyway?" Tony butted in, exchanging a glance with Steve. Oh, no. This was bad. For one thing, Peter didn't actually know Wade's age, and for two, he was pretty sure it would sound way older than he looked, even. He stood there for a long moment, willing his eyes to be as misty as he could make them. Blinking a few times, he focused on the fire and let his shoulders slump defeatedly. 

"You guys hate him, don't you."

“He’s certainly…a colorful character,” Steve told him, resting a heavy hand on Peter’s shoulder. “We’re trying to give him a chance. He knows who we are, but we’ve just met him.”

"Well, yeah, but everybody knows who you guys are," Peter said glumly. "He's actually a huge fan of you, Cap, he wasn't just saying that. I think he has Captain America socks somewhere."

Or was it pajamas? No, that might imply Peter had been in the guy's bedroom, better not mention it...

"Well, what's the story, then?" Tony asked. Peter's heart thudded in his chest until the dark-haired man followed that up with, "Should we act like you're together or not?"

Steve gave him a long look and shook his head.

“No. I know I’d hate to have everyone think we’re an item when we certainly aren’t,” he said tiredly, going back to the burgers.

“Oh man! That beach is CLEAN,” Wade announced, slipping past Tony to drop what looked like an umbrella handle into the fire. Pretending to wipe sweat from his forehead, Deadpool looked around at the three of them and grinned. “Something smells awesome!” He sniffed and looked at Tony. “Oh.”

Tony gave him a scrutinizing stare in return. 

"Wade, right?" He asked pleasantly, out of the blue. "Looks like you didn't find my firewood stash. C'mon, let's grab some." He waved for Wade to follow him.

Peter was genuinely concerned Wade would never be heard from again.

“You got a stash? Me too! Mine is full of guns and money!” Wade said happily, scurrying after Tony.

“You may want to follow them,” Cap told Peter, gesturing after the two men. He flipped a patty and then sat it aside on a plate.

Cap seemed to do a lot of cooking on vacation.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," Peter said, frowning after the two as they walked off. He turned to Cap, looking at him sadly. "I'm sorry I told you I had a boyfriend when I don't yet. It's one reason I never really mentioned liking guys; I know it should still be valid to say I swing both ways even if I've only dated girls, but I feel like an impostor." He sighed, glancing the way Wade and Tony had gone. No screams or laser beams coming from over there yet.

“Is that what the problem is at school? You feel like an impostor?” Cap asked sincerely, offering the plate with the cooked patty to him.

"Huh? No, no, that's, uh, unrelated," Peter said awkwardly. He sighed. "It's complicated, Cap. Wade's not in high school, it would be weird to have him there all the time. That, and...he's got some enemies. I don't want to bring danger to the kids at school."

“If they are the dangerous kind of enemies, does that mean he’s a hero?” The captain asked, concerned. “I wasn’t sure if he knew about Spider-Man or not.”

Oh, boy, here they went. 

"Yeah, he does," Peter admitted. "And yeah...they're the dangerous kind. If you hear who he is you'll probably either have never heard of him or hate him, so maybe we could just change the subject."

More frowning from Cap, but thankfully, he decided to change the subject.

“I’m sorry for my part in all the lies. Even if we hate who Wade is, it’s your choice if you want to date him or not. We just worry about you. I worry about you. The Avengers have each other and you’re out there by yourself. If Wade has your back and treats you well, he’s certainly got my approval.”

"Thanks, Cap," Peter said with relief. "That means a lot. Don't worry, I've been in over my head plenty of times as Spider-Man and I always figure things out. " He laughed nervously and waved a hand. "I-I mean, in the past! Now I've got you and the other Avengers if I really need help." He glanced off in the direction Tony and Wade had gone, adding more quietly, "You know Tony was asking if he should act like me and Wade were a couple earlier, right? Not you and him." 

Boy had that been an awkward moment of silence. Peter was so confused, too--they kept telling people they were his dads, but they didn't want anybody thinking they were an item? Why not?

“Tony and I are NOT a couple,” Cap clarified, slapping another patty into the empty spot on the grill. “We never have been.” The blond man glanced back over his shoulder in the direction Tony had gone and sighed, adding, “We never will be.”

Well, so much for that idea. Cap seemed pretty unhappy with that absolute declaration, though. Peter started slathering a hamburger bun in ketchup and mustard just to stay busy, putting the cooked burger Cap had handed him on the bun and sandwiching it. 

"Not with that attitude," he mumbled. He was positive that there was more going on with these two. Cap seemed sad that they 'would never be' a couple, and Tony had completely avoided even showing a reaction when he'd heard 'we certainly aren't an item', sooo...what was their deal?

“It’s not a matter of attitude, Peter,” Steve told him, casually tucking a napkin in the front of the teenager’s collar. “Tony isn’t interested in any one person, certainly not me. I think it’s best for the Avengers if him and I keep our personal lives apart.”

Rumors about he and Tony being together had been going on since the Avengers formed. Something about the way the two leaders worked together set minds aflutter. Tabloids and newspapers alike were trying to get concrete evidence either way. Peter had heard about it at work a couple of times, as some of his co-workers had camped outside the Avengers mansion with telephoto lenses last Valentine’s Day. As Steve started to sit out buns, he looked back at Peter.

“I’m sorry, we got off-topic. If Wade isn’t in school, what does he do?” Cap asked glumly, adding different condiments to the different buns. Apparently, he knew what each member of the team liked on their burgers.

"Tony could have fooled me," Peter pressed, ignoring the change of subject. It wasn't because he really, really didn't want to explain Wade's Deadpool persona, nope, this was to help Steve and Tony... Sitting his plate aside, Peter hopped to his feet and held out his hands. "I know he's famous for being with models and other beautiful women, but listen, Cap, I work at a newspaper. Nobody's reported on Tony being with anybody since the Avengers formed, except the same ol' rumors about him and Pepper. It's part of why the tabloids keep thinking he's with YOU--he spends more time with you than anybody."

It was true. If Tony had had some secret fling, the Bugle would have found out about it somehow. If they had any idea Peter spent so much time with the Avengers, Peter would be permanently on "Stark and Rogers" duty, he was sure of it. Sigh.

“I don’t care what the newspapers say about us,” Cap said dismissively, half tossing a meat patty onto one of the lined up buns. “They obviously don’t know what they’re talking about, with how they report on Spider-Man as an example.”

Without comment or breaking his stride, Black Panther walked between them and snagged a burger plate before continuing off onto the beach again.

Waiting for him to be (hopefully) out of ear shot, Cap turned back to Peter.

“If Tony wanted a relationship with me, he would have let me know by now. He’s not the type to take his time or beat around the bush. And don’t think I won’t ask Wade about his job later,” he added rather ominously, taking another meat patty off the grill. “You have a job and support yourself, so it’s only fair that he does as well.”

Peter stared at him, blushing despite himself. Jeez, he was talking like Peter was going to MARRY Wade or something. 

"We're not even officially together, Cap," he said sadly. "And if I'm this wrong about you and Tony, maybe I'm wrong about him too. Maybe we're just bros like he always says." Seeing Tony and Wade approaching with driftwood in hand, he sighed. "I'm just a photojournalist, what do I know." 

With that, he turned and dashed off after the King of Wakanda, adding loudly, "Hey T'Challa, you should play frisbee with us tonight!" It was childish and he knew it, but if Cap was being that careful not to let T'Challa hear their conversation a second ago, he probably wouldn't pursue it further. Or make a scene in front of Tony. 

Hopefully.  


* * *

  
Where would Clint bury the box? Leaning to look over a rock near the beach, Hawkeye frowned. Tequila was never a good idea when you had something to hide.

Since he wasn’t hiding up on the balcony anymore, he’d decided to casually search the entire damn beach. All with Bruce in tow, since the man was apparently determined to talk to him.

After last night, Clint really didn’t want to even LOOK at him. Rejection hurt, but somehow it hurt WAY worse when it was coming from the adorkable freckled physicist.

Why couldn’t Clint just ignore Bruce? Natasha was hot, and sometimes she even flirted back. That was close enough to a relationship. Kicks, winks and the very occasional kiss. Pft, who needed actual companionship, anyway?

"...Thinking maybe we could stargaze," Bruce was saying, scanning the bright sky thoughtfully. "It looks like it'll be clear out tonight. I don't have a telescope, but the constellations are still nice to look at."

“I think that’s a bad idea,” Clint told him, propping himself up on a rock and crossing his arms. “If people think we’re gay now…” He shook his head.

What if Clint threw the tackle box into the ocean last night? It was solid metal, so it would have sunk like a stone. The blond shaded his eyes and squinted down the beach. The alcove was down that way. If he and Hulk had been over there, maybe the box was just off the shore?

Taking off his tank top, Clint started that way. Sunscreen be damned. Maybe he’d burn on a tan.

"You might want to put some sunscreen on," Bruce laughed, starting after him. Wait, laughed. Laughed? Why did he seem so relaxed all of a sudden? Clint commenting on people thinking they were gay should probably have had the opposite effect.

Gawking back at the brown haired man, Clint wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t ever get to hear Bruce laugh, and he was pretty sure he’d only seen the man smile a grand total of ONCE—not counting the small smirks at irony.

Bruce normally only got to be himself one day a month. Which was pretty annoying when Clint wanted to get to know the guy.

“Um, okay,” he managed, slinging his tank top over his shoulder. “I’m just going to be--” Clint cut himself off abruptly, spotting a young couple of women down the beach. They were holding a metal detector.

The tackle box was metal.

"What?" Bruce stopped and followed his gaze, looking at the metal detector with a slightly raised brow. "Oh, wow. I haven't seen one of those in years."

“Does that count as tech?” Clint asked, pointing to it. “HEY!” He shouted at the women. “Can I borrow that?”

Unsurprisingly, both women looked at him in alarm. The taller one pointed down the beach with a hand.

“Go rent your own, jerk!”

Ignoring the death glares, Clint hurried the way she had pointed. As soon as the small stand came into view, however, he hesitated. It wasn’t like he could go on a hunt for the damn box if Bruce was there.

“Uh,” Clint said, clearing his throat. “What were you planning on doing today?”

Bruce stuck his hands in the pockets of the bright magenta shorts he'd borrowed from Clint since the green ones had mysteriously disappeared overnight. He shrugged his shoulders a little. 

"I'm trying to just embrace having no plan," he admitted. "Maybe forgetting my tackle box has a silver lining. It's been years since I had a whole week to just spend time with anybody, so...what sounds like fun? You want to rent a metal detector, go on a treasure hunt? Meddle with Cap and Tony some more?" The last was said wryly, but Clint got the impression he was only half-kidding.

“I feel like there’s a pun in there somewhere about ‘meddle detecting,’ but I’ll let it go. Look, if we keep messing with fake relationships and who’s dating who, my head’s gonna explode.”

Reading the sign, Clint dropped a twenty dollar bill on the counter of the stand. The perky looking high school kid attendant hurried to get them a metal detector, smiling at Clint with big sparkly eyes.

“Thanks,” Clint told him shortly, grabbing the metal detector and Bruce’s arm to lead him away.

Bruce went along easily, blinking. 

"You seem a lot less excited about this than you did a minute ago," he observed. With a small sigh, he added, "I know I'm not Hulk, but you'll get to spend weeks with him once we're back from this vacation. You're not obligated to spend the whole trip with me, either, if you don't want to."

Clint couldn’t stop himself from sputtering as they stopped by the shoreline. Water bubbled over his toes as he tried to come up with a nice way to explain things and NOT out himself.

“I love Hulk, I really do, but you’re right. I get to spend every day with him usually. Now that I’ve had some time around you, though...” Clint coughed, weighing different words. “I, um, well, uh,” he stammered. “I don’t think it’s fair that Hulk’s out all the time. And Hulk, buddy, if you’re awake, I’m sorry! Alright, but Bruce is in there too! You guys gotta share or nobody gets to play. Capiche?”

"He's asleep," Bruce confirmed, running a hand through his hair. "And it doesn't really matter if it's unbalanced, because we made a deal. Hulk knows I keep my promises, and it's why HE keeps his promises." He smiled unhappily. "He's got more of a life than I do, anyway. Look, I don't know what to do with myself after two days without changing into him. I've been on the run so long, it's not like I have any family or...well, I-I'd say the Avengers are my friends, but they don't get to talk to me much, do they? You know me better than anybody else here. So, it's fine. This is just how it is."

“Whoa,” Clint mumbled, frowning. “Well, THAT'S depressing.” Tugging Bruce along again, he gave in and held his hand. Whatever. The guy didn’t have a problem with it yesterday. 

Maybe if they got together, Hulk would change his mind. It was really unlikely, but hey. There was a bigger chance that that would happen then he and Bruce actually getting together so the odds were in his favor.

“How do I work this thing?” He asked, angry with himself that he hadn’t wanted to hang out with Bruce when it was obvious how lonely the guy was. One of the times he got to see Bruce last, the man had told him how being in Hulk's head all the time was really hard.

The big power button was the obvious answer to the metal detector dilemma, but that would mean he had to let go of Bruce’s hand to turn it on.

"Press the button, wave it over the ground, listen for beeps?" Bruce suggested, looking down at the metal detector with a sigh. He gave Clint's hand a small squeeze and let go of it. "Clint, I hope you know I'm not trying to guilt you into spending time with me. It's okay, I've spent years alone." He held up his hands and shrugged. Who went on a group vacation and spent it away from the group, though?

“I’m not guilty because I don’t wanna spend time with you, I’m guilty for other reasons,” Clint grumbled, flipping the detector on.

It made a strange old radio sound as Clint waved it over the ground experimentally. Hopefully those got louder when it passed above something metal.

“Look, I guess I better just come out and say it,” he said as bravely as he could. Ah, who the hell was he kidding? “I-I kinda like—”

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Bruce leaned to look at the ground curiously, his eyes wide but still soft and brown. He knelt down and scooped the sand aside from the spot with his hands. 

"I think I already know what you're going to say," he sighed, sifting sand through his fingers. "Hulk hasn't ever had a connection with anybody the way he does with you. Well, except..." A dark expression moved through his eyes like a cloud passing over the sun, and he shook his head, focusing intently on the sand in his hands. "No, actually, not even then."

Crouching beside him, Clint started digging in the sand. A sharp, sudden pain shot through his finger and he fell back on his butt.

“What the hell!” Staring down at his hand, Clint felt a chill go through him.

Stuck in the tip of his finger was a fishing hook.

Bruce, who had looked up quickly when Clint fell back, blinked at the fish hook. Softly, he started to laugh. And kept laughing, wrapping an arm around his middle. 

"I-it's like the fish are mocking us," he managed after a moment, wiping a tear from his eye. "I'm sorry, are you okay? Who knows where that hook has been."

“Oh yeah. Great!” Clint unceremoniously yanked the hook out and threw it into the waves. It was the damn tackle box! It was haunting him now! Mocking him! Shoving his profusely bleeding finger into his mouth, he scowled and kept waving the metal detector.

 _I’ll find you,_ he thought darkly.

Bruce patted his back.

"Wow, as an Avenger you'd better hope nobody learns your secret weakness--tiny fish hooks," he joked. "In all seriousness, maybe I'd better take a look. That's bleeding a lot." Without waiting for Clint to comment, he gripped the blond's wrist and pulled his finger out of his mouth, maneuvering the hand over to examine Clint's finger. It had promptly started bleeding again. Bruce frowned and gripped his finger, squeezing it to add pressure.

“Um, OW?” Clint growled, spitting to try and get the taste of blood out of his mouth, which didn’t work at all. “So, what’s the verdict?”

He was actually grateful for the fish hook. It had kept him from putting his foot in his mouth about his stupid crush on Bruce.

Bruce let go enough to peek at the puncture mark, then pressed on it again carefully. 

"It looks worse than it is," he concluded. "If we go for a swim, the saltwater should clean it nicely and it'll be okay. You're up to date on your tetanus shots, right?"

“Think so,” Clint told him, distracted all over again from looking at Bruce. Brown eyes were nice, especially with Bruce’s face around them. “Hey,” he said, leaning to catch the other man’s gaze. “I’m sorry you don’t have your tackle box.”

Sooner or later, Clint would find it and give it back, so he figured that he’d better enjoy his time with Bruce while he had it.

Bruce looked up and met his eyes, just looking back for a moment. 

"I'm not," he admitted. "I thought I would miss it, but if I was fishing right now I wouldn't be getting to spend time with you. I assume, anyway, since fishing bores you and you wouldn't be forced to stick around for that and guard me for once." Releasing Clint's hand, he got to his feet and started dusting sand off of his legs, then offered both hands to Clint.

Taking the offered hands, Clint got to his feet, dusting himself off and snagging the detector from where he had dropped it.

It was awesome to hear that Bruce wanted to spend time with him and it actually made Clint blush—which he was ready to claim was a sunburn to save face.

Bruce kept hold of one of his hands as he turned and started leading the way back toward the cabin. 

"Come on. Maybe if we search hard enough, we'll dig up a love confession from Cap or Tony."


	8. Frisbee Root Beer Blues

Tony was really missing his tech right about now. Not only was shutting himself into his workshop to tinker for a day or two not an option right now, but if he had his facial recognition software then maybe he could identify the weird blond over there playing frisbee with Peter and laughing like he hadn't a care in the world. 

That must have been nice. 

When Tony and Wade had returned to the campfire, Peter had apparently left to talk frisbee with people; Cap had been there by himself, making hamburgers and looking more mopey than ever. Tony had decided it would be better not to try and talk things out, considering how 'well' that had gone the last few times they'd talked alone. Clearly, if Steve had any interest in him, he was in denial. Tony still couldn't figure out why he'd asked to fake being a couple and then gone out of his way to tell Peter they 'certainly weren't' together. That was just hurtful, jeez. 

Now, they'd been watching the frisbee game for awhile, and it was a nice clear evening on the beach. The root beer supply was taking a serious hit, between Steve and Tony both drinking them. Nonetheless, Tony went to grab another anyway. In a valiant effort not to be petty (he thought), he brought Steve another root beer as well since his last bottle was nearly empty. 

"Seen Hawkeye or Banner lately?" Tony asked. That was nice and not-them-related, right?

Distant blue eyes glanced up at him from where Steve was seated in the sand and the blond man shook his head, taking the root beer bottle.

“Not recently. They seemed like they wanted some privacy.”

Steve’s attention was focused on the frisbee game again for a moment as Wade caught Peter around the stomach and lifted him up to spin him in victory.

“WOO!” The loud blond shouted, dropping Peter onto his feet again.

Laughing, Peter slapped him on the back and ducked to grab the frisbee from the ground again. 

"Better watch out, we're doing so good they're gonna make us swap teams to even things out," he joked. A ways down the beach from them, the rival team of Hank and Jan were indeed looking kind of out of breath. 

"Actually, I-I think we're gonna go get something to drink," Hank called to Wade and Peter apologetically. "Uh, be back later!" They beat a hasty retreat before Peter could throw the frisbee again.

Shrugging, Peter turned to Wade and held the plastic disc up. 

"Well, looks like it's mano a mano time." 

Watching the two of them move to start another game up, Tony did his very best not to give Cap any side eye. He would just be looking glum, he'd been looking glum for over an hour now. Too bad getting drunk on root beer was not a thing.

"Are we sure we WANT them to get some privacy? If the Hulk rips up half of this beach, I can't exactly explain that away," he pointed out to the blond.

“I’ll talk to them as soon as I can—Tony,” Cap said, dropping his voice to a whisper and shifting in the sand to face Tony. “If Peter and Wade aren’t actually a couple, I think we need to rethink our strategy.” He gestured subtly out to the two young men. “They seem so happy—we should keep our noses out of it. Honestly, what do WE know about romance?”

Shaking his head, Cap took a long drink from his root beer.

"Apparently less than I thought," Tony grumbled, sipping his own soda. "Maybe we should just leave Clint and Bruce alone too, then, huh? What the hell, who cares if it's dangerous, what do we know? We're only the leaders of this team." He huffed and crossed his arms. "Oh, sorry, you probably don't want me saying 'we' like we're something we 'certainly aren't.'" 

So he was a little bitter about that particular comment. So Steve's moping was starting to really annoy him. It was tough to tell what Cap even hoped would happen, here. If he was worried about staying in the closet, he wouldn't have wanted to try and be an example of two men together for Peter to see that that was okay. Was it just Tony in particular he had decided against, then? If so, ouch. All a guy had to do was slip up and drink half of a bottle of tequila ONE time...

Giving him a frown, Steve got up and stepped close to talk quietly.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing at here, Tony, but I don’t appreciate it. I know Bruce shouldn’t be with anyone—of course not, his transformation is tied to his pulse!” Cap poked a finger at Tony’s shoulder and dropped his voice even softer. “We ARE the leaders of this team and we have a responsibility to be professional and focused, all personal feelings aside.”

The muscular blond turned and plunked back down in the sand, swigging from his root beer.

"Oh, give the professional focus speech a rest!" Tony retorted, waving his root beer bottle indignantly. It sloshed a bit, but at the moment he didn't care. Steve thought HE was the one playing games? "This is a vacation--it's supposed to be a BREAK from being responsible for the fate of the world at large. As for you and me, forget it, forget I said anything--you clearly don't want to touch that topic with a ten foot pole. I'm not toying with you, but I guess a plain, cold, PROFESSIONAL working relationship is all you want us to have, so, fine. Done. Maybe now you'll be happy instead of moping around like a stick in the mud all week." 

Peter and Wade were laughing again down the beach. It was like life had its own laugh track, Tony thought bitterly. Oh yeah, ha ha.

Growing more serious, Steve stared over at him. After a moment of thought, he simply took a sip from his root beer and stared back out to sea as glumly as ever.

After a few more passes of the frisbee, Steve started peeling the label on his soda, clearing his throat.

“I was never good at romance, actually. I was small and I was sick in bed a lot. Women barely acknowledged my existence until I became like this.” Steve looked over his arms, blue eyes stormy. “…But I knew how shallow they were. I remembered the looks they gave me before. I couldn’t get that out of my head.”

Tony had been determined to just look at the frisbee game and fume in silence, but he couldn't help a sidelong glance at Cap when he heard that. He'd seen many, many documentaries, history books and other articles about Steve's story, and had seen a photo or two of him from before the whole super soldier program. 

"Okay, if this is about the models," he began, frowning, "I hope you're not saying looks are the only reason I'm looking at you. Because they're not."

“Why do we keep doing this?” Steve asked, sounding like he was genuinely curious. “Every time we talk to each other, we fight over something. Models, alcohol, Peter. This is exactly WHY I tried to give you some distance. I don’t want to argue with you, Tony.”

"Hah," Tony muttered, swigging his root beer. "So you admit you've been avoiding me. Great, that makes me feel better."

“I thought that it was obvious?” Steve told him, sipping his own soda. “I figured it was a better strategy than more arguing--” Cap cut himself off and shook his head. “We’re doing it again. Look, I don’t want to lie to everyone that we’re together when we’re not. YOU said that earlier and it made sense. You’re right. Happy?”

Tony gave him the most forced smile he'd mustered in a long time. 

"Oh, sure, who wouldn't be delighted to be written off without even thinking about it? I'm thrilled," he said sarcastically, shaking his head. "Do you even get that I didn't want to fake that because it's too close to home? That maybe, possibly, the real thing had occurred to me, and putting on the pretend boyfriend show would just underscore the fact that YOU have no actual interest in me like that? You don't, do you? You sure have gone out of your way to SAY you don't."

He looked at the root beer bottle, but couldn't really make himself swig it. His stomach kind of hurt. As far as he knew, Cap was probably straight as an arrow and old-fashioned about sex and marriage, too. He didn't even know what 'swings both ways' MEANT, for Pete's sake.

“Tony,” Cap said softly, sitting his root beer bottle aside. “Honest to god, Tony, I thought the same thing—”

“Hey, I need backup! Pete’s totally kicking my ass!” Wade shouted, sliding to a stop in a puff of sand right in front of Tony. He jabbed a finger at the billionaire. “How ‘bout it, pops? Uh, other pops?” The blond added, looking at Cap hopefully.

Frisbee was the farthest thing possible from Tony's mind right now. Steve had seemed like he was about to say something that wasn't an argument, actually have a real talk about this with Tony, and now this. He glanced at Cap uncertainly. 

"What do you think? Maybe we should be exercising some of this sugar off," he joked. It was a weak one, but he had to cut himself some slack, he was still processing what all of this meant--what it MIGHT mean. He shouldn't get his hopes up yet, maybe Steve had been about to totally shut him down, or... Or something. 

"I think Cap better be on the team opposite me, or that's just not fair," Peter said sheepishly, coming over to stand with Wade. He shot Cap a look that was way more apologetic than necessary for that suggestion, adding, "Uh, if you even wanna play with us."

Glancing between all three of them, Cap looked sad as he got to his feet, managing to put on a more cheerful looking face as he nodded to the kids.

“Sure. That sounds fun.”

“Dibs on Cap!” Wade shouted, grabbing Steve protectively. “It’d be totally unfair to have two super dudes on one team.”

“You don’t have powers?” Cap asked nicely, looking at Wade—who shrank in place a bit.

“Oh, yeah, of course I do!” Peter’s sort-of-boyfriend looked at him for help and then coughed. “I can eat my weight in tacos.”

"It really is an unbelievable sight," Peter agreed. He turned and handed the frisbee to Tony. "Here, uh, go throw that at Wade, let me talk to Cap for a sec." 

Tony shot Steve a curious look, but shrugged a little and took the frisbee. 

"Better watch out, I'm a pretty mean shot with these things," he said, snagging Wade by the arm and kind of pulling him toward the beach. Oh, boy, Peter must have caught onto how the two of them were acting, or looking, or... There had to be SOME reason he wanted to talk to Cap in private.

He hoped he'd find out what eventually.  


* * *

  
After combing the beach for an hour, Clint had dragged Bruce up the hill to get an ice cream sandwich from the mini mart. It was a billion degrees and sure enough, Clint’s back was threatening to burn if he didn’t take a break.

Hugging the metal detector with one arm, he unwrapped his ice cream and took a bite.

The store didn’t have any normal vanilla-with-chocolate-cookies-sandwiches, NO. They had wacky flavors like ‘unicorn’ and ‘flying squirrel.’ Frankly, all they made Clint think of was Spider-Man’s villains.

Now what was he supposed to do? Bruce actually seemed like he wanted to spend time with him. The scientist had even made it sound like he might skip fishing and hang with Clint by choice. That was nice.

“How’s the ‘mermaid’ sandwich taste?” Chewing, Clint checked on his treasure hunting buddy.

"I think it's rainbow sherbet," Bruce mused, looking at the ice-cream closely. The colorful ice-cream was sandwiched between two mint green cookies, which was funny, Bruce going for the green food. Had he done that on purpose?

"It's pretty good," he added, apparently realizing he'd never really answered Clint's question.

“Unicorn tastes like confetti cake,” Clint replied, taking another bite. Why they didn’t just call it confetti cake was beyond him. Maybe unicorns were trendy. Swallowing down his ice cream, he lay an arm over Bruce’s shoulders and sighed. “I wonder what the skunk flavor was.”

Bruce took a bite of his rainbow ice-cream and gave Clint a sideways look, arching a brow. 

"Well, it doesn't SOUND very appetizing. Skunks have nothing to do with mythical creatures like the other flavors, so I'm not sure why they went there."

Bruce seemed pretty comfortable with Clint hugging him, or holding his hand, or...well, Bruce being naked around Clint that morning, but that was probably a side effect of waking up after Hulking out so many times that it was kind of normal now. Still, it was tough to tell if the scientist liked Clint when nothing they were doing ever seemed to get his heart rate up. Having color-changing eyes was supposed to be a pretty handy way to check.

Clint quietly ate his ice cream, watching the ocean down the stairs as it swirled. The sky was a very vibrant blue with distant clouds surrounding it like a picture frame.

Sunglasses would have been a good idea. Then again, if they both wore sunglasses, Clint wouldn’t be able to see Bruce’s eyes if they changed color.

Staring at his friend, Clint sighed, leaning to dig in their paper shopping bag.

“I think you’re right about the sunscreen. I bought some.”

“My, my, aren’t you two adorable?” A familiar voice teased. The tall Amazonian woman from the day before stopped in their view, smiling and holding onto her boyfriend’s arm.

No, wait. That was Thor!

"Hello, friends!" The demigod boomed, waving at them happily before wrapping his arm around the woman's slim waist. "It is good to see someone enjoying themselves in this glorious place. Midgard truly is full of beauty and wonders."

Bruce gave them both a small nod in greeting and ate his ice-cream, probably to avoid joining the conversation. Thor and the Hulk had exchanged blows and snarky comments many a time in the past, but Clint couldn't recall many times Bruce had talked directly to Thor. And yet, Bruce had probably been listening to those talks with the Hulk. What a weird thought.

Stubbornly keeping his arm over Bruce, Clint toasted Thor with the sunscreen.

“Yeah, wonders,” he managed, staring at Lola. With Thor standing next to her, their color combo was somehow familiar. Whatever it was, Clint didn’t want to think about it. That seemed suspiciously like non-vacation stuff. “Uh, I think Cap and Tony are playing frisbee. Would you go make sure they play nice or are you, uh, busy?”

“Frisbee?” Lola gasped excitedly. “Ooh, I had so much fun yesterday,” she told Thor, batting a playful hand at his chest. “Shall we?”

Thor brought a big hand up to brush one of her dark curls away from her cheek and tuck it behind her ear, smiling at her fondly. 

"Aye, I would enjoy that." 

Well, Jane Foster was officially an ex, if they'd ever actually been dating in the first place.

Watching the two tall people with the gorgeous hair head off down the beach, Bruce sighed and shook his head. 

"It must be nice being able to just go do that without worrying about your pulse," he muttered, turning and taking the sunscreen bottle from Clint. "I can't play frisbee, but if you want to play, I'll come over and cheer you on. Sunscreen first, though."

Shifting to let Bruce reach his back, Clint cleared his throat.

“No, I’m good. I can hit things once we’re back home. Do you wanna go swimming?”

Just after putting on sunscreen. _Nice going, Barton,_ he thought tiredly. At least they had a whole bottle with them.

"Sharks are more active near twilight," Bruce replied mildly, running his hands over Clint's back. It stung a bit; maybe the sunscreen could've happened a LITTLE sooner. Too late now, though. "Maybe we'd better go return the metal detector before they come looking for us?"

Glancing down at the metal detector, Clint chewed his lip.

He needed to find that box.

…Or did he?

“Yeah, sounds good,” he said, staring out at the sea. Blowing out a breath, he slowly turned around to face Bruce. “Okay, here goes!”

With a curious look, Bruce handed him the sunscreen and turned around so Clint could reach his back. 

"Here goes...what?"

“Wait a sec.” Clint grabbed Bruce and turned him back enough to look him in the eye. “Uh…” He croaked, losing his courage. “I-I should get your nose.”

He dumped a blob of sunscreen into his palm and dabbed a bit on his friend’s nose, frowning to himself.

With a wry smile, Bruce swiped some sunscreen off of his nose and reached over, smudging it onto Clint's nose as well. 

"Good call, I missed that step."  


* * *

  
Watching Tony’s back as he left with Wade, Cap wasn’t sure what to think.

It sounded like Tony might actually like him—which was so unexpected that Cap wasn’t sure what to do except quietly stand there and see what Peter wanted to talk to him about. Please, God, let it not be about Tony.

Peter stood there and glanced back at the others a few times, making sure they were warming up throwing the frisbee before he turned back to Steve. 

"Cap, I-I want to apologize for before. Walking off like that, it wasn't fair." He hugged his arms around himself, looking down at his toes in the sand. "You already definitely have stuff on your mind, and I just made it worse. I'm really sorry."

Taking Peter’s arm gently, Cap turned him away from the others and lowered his voice.

“Tony just told me he likes me. I’m so sorry to ask, but I don’t know what to do and…I feel nauseous.”

Peter's eyes widened. 

"He what!" He whispered, grabbing Cap's arm and peeking over his shoulder back at the frisbee game. He turned back to Steve, eyes shining. "W-well, what did you say back? Did you say anything back?"

“I tried, but I wasn’t sure what to say, and then Wade came over,” Cap explained as calmly as he could. What was he thinking? Peter was only 18 years old! Which, in the present day, sadly meant that he must have dated more than Cap. Blushing, he shook his head.

Peter patted his back. 

"Okay, okay, you got this. It's a silver lining, now you have a sec to plan what you're gonna tell him," he said, as if coaching people on this was something he'd done before. Maybe he had with some of his high school friends. "Step one, take a big deep breath. Step two--uh, do you plan to confess feelings at him or let him down gently? Because step two's REALLY different depending on which one of those you pick."

Staring at him, Cap raised an eyebrow. Did he really have to ask that? 

Everyone in New York was convinced that he and Tony were together. Even some of the other Avengers had made comments and jabs at them being an item. After being around Tony for even a few months, Cap had started to notice the lingering thoughts about him. His smug smirk and biting wit. Those beautiful topaz eyes.

“Peter, I’ve been in love with him for a year,” Cap confessed to him, trying not to sound too offended.

Peter let out a big breath. 

"Oh, thank god. You just, earlier you said..." He shook his head, sitting up straight. "Nah, moving on. A-hem. You got this! He already said he likes you, so there's no way to lose. Just look at him and say what you just told me."

“Peter, I’ve been in love—oh, Tony, I’ve been in love with him…” Cap trailed off, his mind swirling. He rubbed his forehead. “I think we should just play frisbee. I’ll work on this later.”

"Yeah, you should wait 'til you can talk to him alone," Peter said sagely. "Hey, uh, I apologize in advance if I clobber you with the frisbee, by the way..."

“Me too,” Cap told him absently, turning and heading for the frisbee game. Tony was on the opposing team. That was probably for the best or Cap might try to talk to him in the middle of the game.

"Oh don't worry, I can take it!" Peter grinned, heading for Wade's side of the trampled sand area they'd been using for frisbee games. "Hey Wade, how's it going?"

“Matt won’t stop calling me!” Wade announced, flinging the frisbee off over Tony’s head like it was a baseball. The blond jogged over to Peter and showed him his phone, pointing to the screen. “He’s all like ‘why’d you leave me standing here!’”

Tony jumped up enough to grab the frisbee out of the air, despite how fast it was traveling. He shook his hand out, wincing good-naturedly. 

"Okay, ow. You better watch your head!" Seeing Cap heading for that side, too, the billionaire crossed his arms. "Okay, I'm pretty good at frisbee, but not three-on-one good. A little help, here?"

"You can call Matt later," Peter told Wade quickly, then turned and jogged past Cap to Tony's side of the play area. "I'm here, I'm here!"

Brown and topaz eyes both seemed to be intent on Cap as Tony shoved the frisbee at Peter. 

"You serve, I'm already warmed up."

Feeling exposed, Cap cleared his throat to address his new partner. 

“So, what do you do for a living, Wade?”

“Buh…” The other man said, staring at him through wide blue eyes. “Freelance! I do a lot of odd jobs. You know, help people…do stuff.”

“Interesting—who’s Matt?” Steve asked, stepping into position.

"Matt's our friend!" Peter called over, jumping up and sending the frisbee flying straight for Steve's chest. 

"'Define 'our'," Tony said suspiciously.

Catching it easily, Steve flung it back across the beach to Tony, keeping his focus on Wade.

“How’d you really meet Peter? He told us you didn’t actually go to college.”

Wade laughed nervously.

“F-freelancing.”

"Oww! Okay, can we stop with the fastball specials?" Tony was holding the frisbee and rubbing his face. He recovered from that really quick, though, handing the frisbee to Peter again. "Get 'em, kid."

Peter sent the frisbee flying at Wade pretty much instantly.

Apparently, Cap’s frowning at Wade was too distracting to let him see the frisbee on its return flight—it hit him straight in the eye.

“Oh, are you alright?” Cap asked, concerned. Was that blood?

“Nope! I’m good!” Wade chuckled, launching the frisbee back to Peter.

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“Uh, I helped bugs—PETER on a thing. It was definitely not a dangerous thing! Just a thing!”

Peter caught the frisbee easily, and in a matter of seconds it was clobbering Wade in the side of the head since he was looking over at Cap. 

"Ouch," Peter winced sympathetically, "Sorry Wade!"

"And here I thought Steve would be the problem, with the shield-throwing reflexes and all," Tony muttered. 

“I’m good!” Wade called back over, lobbing the frisbee at Peter.

“If you get Peter hurt, you’re answering to us,” Cap told him under his breath.

“Ooh, the gravelly voice is niz-ice!” Wade quipped, actually catching the frisbee when it came back. 

He tossed it to Cap, who flipped it like he often did with his shield, before throwing it over to Peter. Despite the joking tone, Wade looked a bit on-edge now.

Considering how acrobatic he was as Spider-Man, Peter was being pretty restrained by just jumping and maybe flipping a bit to catch the frisbee. 

"So Tony, what's the plan for tomorrow?" He flung the frisbee at Cap this time, hardly watching where it was going. "IS there a plan, or is the point of this vacation to not have any plan?"

"Sort of the second option," Tony said, arching a brow. "Why, is this too leisurely for you? No tech, no work, no idea what to do with yourself?"

"Are we still talking about me?" Peter teased.

Lunging in front of him, Wade caught the frisbee, giving Cap a bright eyed smile like it was supposed to impress him before he threw it back across to the other team.

Peter mirrored his move, leaping in front of Tony to catch the frisbee before it could reach him. Tony snorted behind him. 

"Don't worry, I can still take a hit as plain old me, you know."

"Tony, it's a frisbee," Peter said, holding up the plastic disc. "It's not like it's an ATTACK."

“Throw it, throw it!” Wade cheered, bouncing around in front of Cap excitedly.

Shaking his head, Steve stepped to the other side where Wade was supposed to be. It didn’t bother him if they changed places, except for the fact that Tony was right in front of him.

Tony had almost eagerly accepted the idea of playing frisbee. It was probably his attempt to avoid talking to Steve anymore.

Maybe Steve had misunderstood him.

Peter hopped high in the air and sent the frisbee whirling at Wade's chest. 

"Better think fast!" 

Tony, meanwhile, ignored the hyper blond and looked at Steve with worried eyes. Uh-oh. Had they missed their chance that quick?

"Friends!" Thor's booming voice sounded just moments before the sky flashed bright with lightning. A deep grumbling roll of thunder sounded not more than a few seconds afterward.

Both Cap and Wade were distracted by the lightning, looking up at the sky. It had been a beautifully clear day. Where had that come from?

Wade took the frisbee to the gut and actually fell over backwards.

As Cap’s eyes dropped from the sky to Tony, he felt his heart sink in his chest.

If there was ever a bad omen, it was a storm coming out of nowhere.

Staring back at Tony, Steve couldn’t stop himself looking sad. Dark circles appeared around his feet on the beach as rain began to fall.

"Well, I don't mind warm rain like this, but we'd better get inside so we don't get hit by lightning," Peter suggested quickly, hurrying over to help Wade to his feet. "You okay?" 

Tony was giving Thor a look. The demigod held up his hands, shrugging. 

"This is not my doing."

“Bugssssss,” Wade whined, climbing to his feet and holding up the frisbee sadly. It was cracked all the way through.

Steve went over to Tony, hovering a hand over his back. The chance of lightning striking them had to be very low. Still, Tony was a normal person.

"Well, this's unexpected," Tony commented, squinting up at the sky. Another bolt of lightning flashed across the sky, and suddenly the rain let loose, pouring down in sheets. Tony's hair was instantly hanging in his eyes, his red shirt plastered to his chest with the Arc reactor glowing blue right through it. "Oookay, let's get in the cabin, everybody." Thunder growled across the sky like it was answering him.

"Come with us," Thor beckoned the beautiful green-eyed woman with him, taking her hand. Peter was half-leading, half-dragging Wade along, the blond still carrying the broken frisbee.

Stepping under Thor’s arm, the woman seemed very happy to go with him.

Cap stayed at Tony’s side as they started walking, shielding the other man with an arm above his head. If only Steve had his actual shield. That worked much better against the rain.

The blue glow from Tony’s chest caught Cap’s eyes and he looked down at it.

“You should cover that,” he commented over the shush of the falling rain.

Tony wiped soaked bangs out of one eye and squinted up at him. 

"What, the reactor? Like anybody who sees me doesn't already know me on sight," he pointed out, smiling. Somehow with his hair wet, his topaz eyes seemed brighter by comparison. It was disarming, having him look up at Steve and smile like that. "Listen," Tony began, as they reached the staircase up to the cabin, "We should--" 

"Alas, there are not enough beds for all, but I will gladly give you mine." Thor's voice sounded over the storm, directed at his female friend no doubt, and as soon as Tony realized everybody could hear him he clammed up and fell silent.

Pressing a hand to Tony’s back, Cap led him up the steps silently. They couldn’t talk there and the cabin was about to have the entire team camped out inside. 

With the nice weather, hopefully the storm would wear itself out before Tony gave up on him again.

Earlier, he’d claimed that Steve had written him off and at least in some part, it was true.

They argued more than they talked, and they were like night and day when it came to technology. How could Tony have a conversation with him when Steve barely had a grasp on modern tech?

Trying to figure out Peter’s would-be boyfriend troubles had been the first time they had agreed on something in a long time. 

Tony walked close by his side, still trying to hold his hair out of his eyes. 

"I guess now's the part where everybody goes stir-crazy because we have no TV," he remarked. Right, no technology.

It was going to be a long night, wasn't it?


	9. Layers of Logan

Rain beat down on the roof of the cabin. The shadows cast by the candle in the middle of the circle wobbled and swayed across the walls, long and eerie. Peter was doing his best to look spooky while telling a creepy story about a guy who lost his skin in an acid accident and ran around stealing the skins off of other people. Which was gross, sure, but honestly he'd seen worse in his line of work. What was freakier than 'an alien tentacle slime monster fell from orbit, took over my body, and made me drool a lot'? 

It was too bad everybody here would recognize Venom if Peter described him. 

"Finally, some super heroes thought they had him," Peter valiantly narrated on. "They used someone as bait--a mutant who would heal from any injury, so they'd just keep growing a new skin every time the thief took theirs!" 

"Was it the Wolverine?" Thor asked, wide-eyed. He seemed completely immersed in this weird story. HOW? Peter KNEW he'd seen things much weirder than this--he came from another DIMENSION. 

"Names in this story have been changed to protect the identities of those involved," Peter said grimly, "So we'll just call him...Logan." HAD a skin-stealing super villain ever gone after Wolverine? Peter wouldn't put it past the X-men, they got some real weirdos for villains. Not as loopy as his, but...yeah, weird.

Seated beside him, Wade shivered, big arms hugging himself tightly. He seemed like he was really into the story, too.

Cap and Tony, however, were seated on the couch at the back of the room and seemed to be completely ignoring the tale. They hadn’t said a word to each other since everyone crowded inside, though a thanks was mumbled from Tony when Steve handed out towels.

Lola, who had followed Thor into the cabin and had thankfully put on her lacy cover up, was giving Peter her full attention with big green eyes.

“What happened to poor Logan?” She asked, playfully worried.

Encouraged, Peter waved his hands as he spoke to try and illustrate the scene. 

"Well, the Skinner attacked, of course. Logan the mutant put up a fight, but he was no match for the Skinner's insane quest to steal new flesh to wear! When Logan grew his skin right back, the crazed madman couldn't handle it--see, he didn't just want to have a new skin, he wanted other people to have to do without, just like him. So he went right back to his gruesome work, and every time he stole Logan's skin, Logan would grow another one in seconds. It was horrible and really gross, but Logan told himself that any minute, the super heroes would rush in while the Skinner was distracted and take him down..." 

He paused here for dramatic effect (and to take a bite of a graham cracker, because s'mores.) 

"The true horror was just beginning for Logan, though. Knowing the Skinner couldn't die by normal means thanks to that radioactive acid bath, the heroes banished him to another dimension--but they had to banish Logan right along with him! His would-be friends sacrificed him!" 

Lightning flashed through the windows, and a dramatic roll of thunder followed close behind. 

"They say he's still out there somewhere, getting his skin stolen and growing it back again, over and over. Him and the madman in their own dimension, just them and a big gross pile of skin..."

Okay, ew. But it was a horror story, it had to be horrible...right?

With a whimper, Wade scooted closer and hugged his arms around Peter.

“DUDE,” he squeaked, practically crawling onto Peter’s back. “No thanks!”

“What a scary story!” Lola said, hugging herself as she leaned her head over to rest on Thor’s shoulder. “It shows you never really know who your friends are.”

Sudden brightness filled the room, and Peter realized that Cap had just turned the lights back on.

“Alright, let’s take a break while I make dinner.”

“Someone say food?” Hawkeye asked, wandering out into the room. He was wearing a pair of purple pajama pants and a white shirt that simply read ‘dunno’ on the front in bold red letters.

“Spaghetti or lasagna?”

"Anything but more s'mores," Tony grumbled. "You better stop eating those or you're gonna turn into one." 

"That would be sweet," Peter quipped, taking another bite of his graham cracker. He got to his feet easily even with Wade hanging off of him, then realized this might look a BIT strange to Lola since she didn't know about the superpowers thing, and pretended to fall right back over. "Oof! Wade, let's, uh, let's go see if we can do anything to help in the kitchen."

Peter had vaguely noticed Hawkeye and Dr. Banner arriving back during his story, mostly because when they opened the door the rain had been really loud. He had to wonder where Bruce was now. Taking a nap, maybe?

Wade let go of Peter and even offered him a hand up before darting into the kitchen. He slid on the tile, catching himself on the counter to stop beside Cap.

“Alright, capitano! What’re we making?”

“Steve is fine,” Cap told him, handing him a big wrapped blob of ground meat. “You and Peter make meat balls. Clint—” The captain barely snagged the back of Hawkeye’s shirt as he had started to retreat out of the room. “Clint, I need to talk to you.”

“NOW?” Hawkeye growled, shaking off Steve’s hand. “I’m busy.” Turning on his heel, he disappeared back out of the room.

“I hope you aren’t hungry!” Cap called after him threateningly.

Peter glanced after him, raising an eyebrow. 

"You think he's busy with Dr. Banner?" He whispered to Steve, taking the meat from Wade and sitting it on the counter to divide up.

“He better not be,” Cap muttered, filling a soup pot full of water.

Wade slapped a hand onto the meat blob, sinking his fingers in and ripping the plastic off. He picked a piece of plastic off the top of the handful of raw hamburger he had before he started smashing it into a ball shape.

“I, uh, I usually order in. How big are these supposed to be?” The man chuckled to himself and shook his head. “THAT is what she said. I know, right?”

Steve gave him an odd look, thankfully going back to making noodles.

"Here, let me," Peter said hastily, scooping up some of the ground meat and starting to roll a meatball. "You don't wanna make them too big, or they'll take forever to cook through the middle."

Now he was REALLY curious what was up with Hawkeye and Dr. Banner. Cap seemed to think they were doing things they shouldn't. Considering how Bruce turned into the Hulk if his heart rate got too high, that gave the imagination all sorts of fuel... He blushed and tried to focus on making meatballs. Steve and Tony didn't seem to be in much better moods than before. What could be done to help with that?

Wade stared at Peter for a moment, then smashed his own meatball flat.

“Put them all on here,” Cap said in passing, dropping a cookie sheet on the counter in front of Peter. “Tony?

Peter set to work doing so, listening intently.

"Yeah?" Tony asked from the other room. "Need a hand in there?"

“Yes please! I need you to help with the sauce,” Cap called casually, ducking around Peter and Wade like it was something he did every day.

“You’re m-making sauce?” Wade asked, gawking at Cap. “You can buy that, you know? Like, ready to go!”

“I saw that, but I didn’t know what half the ingredients were,” Cap told him sheepishly. “I thought it’d just be easier to make some.”

Still staring at him, Wade slowly shook his head.

"Steve's old-fashioned," Peter said happily. "Isn't it cool he even knows how to make sauce?" 

Tony arrived at the kitchen door, glancing over at Wade and Peter immediately before turning to Cap. Peter tried to peek at them out of the corner of his eye without being too obvious about it. Tony's hair had gotten really wet, so now it was kind of curly. 

Peter still felt guilty for walking off on Cap earlier, but his mind was unchanged--those two had something more going on between them. Maybe if he and Wade hurried up with the meatballs, they could leave and let Steve and Tony talk. He picked up the pace on the meatball shaping, hoping Wade would catch on and follow suit.

Wade pressed another meat patty onto the cookie sheet and grinned, leaning to whisper in Peter’s ear.

“Yeah, that’s kinda hot.”

He...was he talking about Cap's cooking ability being hot? Peter didn't know how to feel about that one, so he settled for shooting the blond a weird look. 

"You know those are supposed to be meatBALLS, right?"

Scoffing, Wade picked the patties back up and started reshaping them.

“’Course I do! I was just distracted by el hombre with the cooking skills. You know what they say about men knowing their way around the kitchen!” He said loudly, nudging Peter’s elbow with his.

"Uhhh," Peter mumbled, painfully aware of both Cap's and Tony's gazes on his back. Or maybe Wade's. It felt like spotlights were on them. Jeez, did Wade have a crush on Cap? Peter didn't want to hear about that if he did! 

"...So, sauce," Tony said overly-casually after a moment.

Oblivious to their staring or how uncomfortable Peter was, Wade actually tried to make meatballs.

“Did you mix in the spices?” Steve asked, suddenly over Peter’s shoulder. “And the bread crumbs?”

"Um. No?" Peter smiled sheepishly at him. "You have a whole recipe for these, huh?" He knew meatballs generally had bread crumbs or something in them, but he'd never made them at home. Wow, Cap really could cook if he had the recipe memorized!

Tony, he noticed, leaned against the wall near the door and crossed his arms like he was waiting for something.

“Oh, no, no.” Cap shook his head, growing shy. “I have a recipe card.” He turned and picked up a worn little index card, showing it to them with a smile. “I don’t cook that much, to be honest.”

“Dude, you’re…” Wade trailed off, staring at Steve with big shiny blue eyes. “You’re the coolest dad ever!”

“I—” Cap said, stopping himself and looking at Peter. “I suppose. Look, please at least add the bread crumbs and the minced onions.”

Wade was promptly handed a big knife and an equally hulking onion. Steve sat a loaf of bread next to Peter, smiled, and then went back over to Tony with the sauce.

“DUDE,” Wade whispered, “I can’t cut an onion! I can’t let your dads see me cry!”

Peter glanced back at Cap and Tony, gears turning in his head. Cap's super soldier self was probably immune to onion fumes, but what if Tony started crying in the middle of making the sauce with him? He didn't have his armor, so onion fumes would probably hit HIM like a truck. 

"Do it, it's worth it," he whispered to Wade confidently, unwrapping the bread loaf and realizing it was an unsliced one that had been baked pretty crispy. Nice. He started crunching it up with his bare hands, reducing it down to crumbs.

Casting a nervous glance at the other two, Wade bravely started peeling the onion, psyching himself up.

“Just a plain stinkin’ onion. You aren’t nothing.” He held the onion up, looking it in the ‘eye’ before whispering to it creepily. “I’m gonna peel you like Logan.”

Shucking the poor onion of its dry skin, Wade slammed it down on the table and chopped it in half with one slice.

If anyone knew how to use a blade, it’d be Deadpool.

This was fine, Peter told himself as the first wave of powerful onion fumes wafted across him and out into the rest of the kitchen. He could already feel his eyes stinging. 

"Chop it up really small so it'll mix in," he told Wade, trying not to peek behind him. Was Tony all teary-eyed yet? This was about the only place on earth where he wouldn't have some welding goggles or something on hand. 

It was pretty quiet over there in the sauce-making area. Too quiet...

Peter braved a peek over his shoulder. 

Tony was facing away from him, toward the stove, stirring the sauce in the pan. Jeez, that was one strong onion--Wade was chopping away at it, and Peter was pretty sure tears had been streaming down his own face for awhile now. He sniffled. If Tony would just turn around for a second...

Cap came back to sit a little plastic box full of spices on the counter, picking through them carefully while he read the recipe card.

“Okay, we need…” He mumbled under his breath, sitting out tiny jar after tiny jar. “How’s the sauce coming along? Here, add some basil.” He held a spice bottle out to Tony, still distracted by the card.

Beside him, Peter heard Wade sniffle too.

“Damn you, Logan,” he muttered.

Peter silently apologized to Wolverine for getting his name mixed up in all this. Jeez, it was a good thing none of Spider-Man's loony villains thought to gas him with onion fumes, or he'd be a goner! 

"How much basil?" Tony's voice made him freeze and listen closely. C'mon Logan--err, onion. "Is there a measurement to this, or just...pinch?" Peter took the minced onions and started to mix them with the bread crumbs, trying to pick out any hint of a sniffle from Tony. His voice sounded a little watery, but there was absolutely not one sniffle to be had from him. Maybe it was a matter of pride or something?

“About a teaspoon,” Cap replied. There was a pause, then he added quietly, “I should go talk to Clint before we have a big green problem.”

Peter wanted to wipe his eyes, but his hands had onion and bread crumbs all over them. 

"P-put the meat in here," he sniffled at Wade, blurry-eyed. Why were they only scolding Hawkeye if Dr. Banner was half the problem, he wondered. And why wasn't Tony affected by this onion? Was he even human?

"K-knock yourself out," Tony told Cap, voice wavering a little now. And there it was--a sniffle, an actual sniffle! Maybe the fumes just took longer to reach them over there. "I've got it covered in here..."

Peter heard Cap chuckle and looked back just in time to see the big blond pat Tony’s back as he left.

Taking a cue from Peter, Wade sat the knife aside and dumped all the meatball fixings together.

“Okay!” Wade announced, sniffing dramatically as he started to knead the blob. “Just gotta make some balls.”

Peter nodded, peeking at Tony again. He was standing around stirring the sauce, now wiping at his eyes with the back of his free hand. Peter was pretty sure the whole kitchen was thinking the same thing right now: it must be nice being Captain America and not having to deal with things like onion fumes...  


* * *

  
The rain on the roof was loud at first, but now it felt like background noise, giving Hawkeye and Bruce their own space. They’d retreated from the weather into the cabin, only to hide away in their room. Everyone else was hanging around in the main room.

After showers and dry clothes had happened, he and Bruce had settled onto the floor to play Blackjack. It was the easiest game Clint knew and hopefully that meant that it wouldn’t stress Bruce out. His first choice had been Go Fish—before he realized that that had the word ‘fish’ in it and might somehow lead to a conversation about the damned tackle box.

Which he had yet to find. On the beach or in the cabin. Someone else MUST have moved it, and it hadn’t been tequila-Clint. Maybe Hulk would know?

“Hit?” Clint asked his friend, offering a card out to Bruce.

The card was waved away, though. 

"I'd better play it safe," Bruce said, smiling at him. The guy never exactly dressed up, but he looked somehow a lot more casual in pajama pants. Maybe it was the fact that they were Clint's borrowed PJ pants that was throwing him off. They were a little too big for a skinny guy like Bruce, but luckily they had a drawstring waist. 

The storm flashed outside again, growling thunder shortly after. What if the tackle box was out there somewhere, and got washed away? Oh, no... What if somebody put it on the beach and the high tide ATE it?

Bruce shrugged and revealed the two cards he held: a ten and a seven. The seven of hearts, actually. He handed them back to Clint. 

"Well, you win," he declared, even though Clint hadn't actually shown his cards yet.

“Yeah, with a twenty,” Clint boasted, collecting the cards and shuffling them back into the deck. As fun as it was to play Blackjack with Bruce, he kind of had other things on his mind.

Eating ice cream together had sure felt like a date scenario. Did Bruce think that, though? 

Still shuffling the cards, Clint glanced over at him and chewed his lip. Man, why was Bruce so intimidating?

And why was the Hulk so NOT? He hung out with the huge green guy all the time, even though the world at large was terrified of him. Maybe it was just a matter of who Clint knew better, though. He didn't feel like he DIDN'T know Bruce, though... 

"Hey, Clint..." Bruce said, pulling his attention back to the present. He was looking at Clint thoughtfully, brown eyes scanning over his neck and shoulders.

“Yeah?” Trying not to look as nervous as he was, Clint stopped chewing his lip just as he dumped the cards all over the floor. Rubbing his neck, he sighed and looked at Bruce anyway.

Quirking a brow curiously at that reaction, Bruce pointed at his neck. 

"I think you did get sunburned a little bit." He paused and poked at his own neck cautiously. "...Me, too, actually. I guess all of our sunscreen efforts were for nothing." He sounded like maybe he was joking. Hopefully?

“Weird, I didn’t think you or Hulk could sunburn.” Clint started gathering up the cards and stacking them into a deck again. “I suppose it’s just more proof that you guys are totally different people.”

Clint felt like he knew Hulk pretty well. It was Bruce that had been a mystery to him. How’d he get a crush on a guy that he only saw a couple days a month? That was so stupid.

"We are, and we aren't," Bruce sighed, watching him shuffle the cards. "I mean, we're different forms of the other. The only thing I'm immune to is gamma radiation--otherwise I can get hurt or sunburned or whatever else and it just doesn't seem like it, because turning into Hulk heals up whatever happened." He smiled wryly. "Thanks to this vacation, this will probably be the longest-lived sunburn I've had since the gamma bomb incident."

That…was probably the perfect time to bring up how Bruce had hulked out the other night, but there was a knock on the door. Clint hopped up to get it, already suspecting who it might be.

“Can I talk to you? Please?” Cap asked, frowning at him through the crack Clint had opened in the door.

“Not now. Is dinner ready?” Clint asked shortly.

With a growl of annoyance, Cap pushed the door open.

“Yes, dinner’s ready—and while you’re eating, think about how your actions affect the team.”

“Actions?” Clint asked drolly, crossing his arms and leaning on the door frame. “We’re playing cards.”

Bruce looked up at Cap uneasily, staying where he was sitting on the floor. 

"Is this about spending all day away from the rest of the group? I thought Tony said this vacation was unstructured."

“No,” Cap sighed, looking over at Bruce. “It’s not that.” The captain struggled to come up with words for a moment, then he shook his head and braced himself on the door frame with a hand. “…I heard you two are together.”

Clint felt his heart skip and he fought not to have any reaction.

“Alright, let me clear that up then—it’s none of your damn business.” No, technically, they weren’t together. So he had nothing to hide. Team leader or not, Cap wasn’t allowed to tell him who he could or couldn’t date, though.

“I know you don’t have a thing for Tony,” Cap told Clint pointedly. “And you two have been sneaking around and avoiding the group all day. I saw you holding hands,” he explained, rubbing his forehead. “Look. I know I’m being invasive. I apologize for that, but if you…do anything to increase your heart rate, you’re ruining everyone’s vacation. So please, for everyone’s sake, can you keep it G-rated?”

“WOW,” Clint managed, baffled both that he had been found out and that Cap managed to use a term like ‘G-rated.’ 

Glancing at Bruce, Clint wished he could be with him—it just wouldn’t work out. For all the reasons that Cap had and, more importantly, Bruce seemed pretty damn disinterested.

“We aren’t together,” he told Steve, adding a shrug to make it seem more casual than bitter.

Bruce frowned and crossed his arms.

"Listen, I don't mean to be rude, but you remember who you're talking to, right? If there's one thing I'm painfully aware of every waking moment, it's my heart rate." He glanced at Clint sadly. "And no, we're not together. Not...not like that, that's not allowed for me and I know it. Holding hands hasn't happened in years, either. Was nice while it lasted." He sighed, his shoulders slumping defeatedly. "Maybe being me for a whole week was a mistake."

“Hey, this isn’t a YOU problem,” Clint told Bruce, tossing a hand at him. Internally, he was screaming at himself.

Why had he said they weren’t together? It sounded like Bruce wasn’t against the idea! Dammit, dammit!

“I apologize,” Steve told them both sincerely, all of his sternness melting away. “I know this is very unprofessional and--and it really isn’t any of my business. I’m sorry, you’re right. Of course you’re being careful,” Cap added to Bruce, shoulders slumping. “You have every right to be here and enjoy your vacation. I’m..sorry I bothered you.”

Without any other comment, Steve turned and disappeared down the hallway. Clint quickly shut the door behind him and turned to Bruce.

What was he supposed to say now? That had been way worse than Cap and Tony scolding him like usual.

“Jeez! They don’t bother us this much when we’re at home!”

"You mean they don't bother you and Hulk so much," Bruce corrected. "I see Captain America all the time while I'm in Hulk's head, but he doesn't actually know ME all that well, does he?" He glanced at the door unhappily. "After talking to him on the beach the other night, I know he doesn't have anything against you..." He looked at Clint and sighed a little. "...Doing what he thought we were doing. So it must be just about me. I'm a safety risk, as usual."

“Okay, it’s not like Hulk is a mindless monster,” Clint pointed out, carefully stepping closer. “Yeah, I guess nobody knows you that well. I feel like I’m beginning to. If you’ll let me.” Tentatively, he leaned to take Bruce’s hand.

A bit surprised, the scientist slipped the hand into his and squeezed it. 

"You're right about Hulk, he's not a monster," he said, looking into Clint's eyes thoughtfully. "But he does tend to come out swinging when I change into him. It's just instinct by now--you have no idea how many times he's awakened to people shooting at him." He looked down at their hands, running his thumb over the back of Clint's gently. "I'm not actually that interesting, but if you want to get to know me better...well, I'm here all week." 

Was that a joke? It was said pretty seriously, if it was.

Joke or not, Clint smiled.

“I’ll go grab dinner, then maybe we can play some more cards?”

Glancing at the door, Bruce nodded. 

"We should probably talk to Cap tomorrow, though," he said a bit guiltily. "The last thing I want him to think is that I'm angry at him."

“He seemed kinda nervous,” Clint observed, raising an eyebrow. Or just really uncomfortable. With as much guff as Clint gave him and Tony, the man was as patient as a saint. Reluctant to let go of the scientist’s hand, Clint lingered for a minute. “I think he and Tony aren’t gonna work it out. Every time I see them, they look either pissed or miserable.”

"Cap seemed worried about Tony when he talked to me on the beach," Bruce said, placing his other hand over Clint's. "I think he's trying to focus on the rest of the team's troubles to avoid thinking about his own. We were meddling before to try and help them, but I think Peter being here gives them something to focus on besides themselves as well." He frowned. "We need to give them some time together alone. Separate the group somehow in a way that leaves the two of them together."

Holding hands was nice. Would a kiss cross the line?

Thinking better of it, Clint let go of Bruce’s hands and took a step back.

“Sounds like it might work—but can we plot AFTER dinner? I’m starving.”


	10. A Matter of Perspective

_“Honest to God, Tony, I thought the same thing...”_

Tony stirred the bubbling spaghetti sauce, mulling over Steve's words yet again with a frown. Even when specifically talking about the two of them, it was a struggle to get a direct answer out of Steve. He'd admitted he was avoiding Tony, but he also hadn't exactly confessed to feelings of his own. "The same thing" could just mean that it had occurred to him that Tony might be interested. Hell, maybe that was why Steve called off the plan he himself had suggested. Steve had, after all, said that he didn't want to fight with Tony.

And every time they talked, it turned into a fight lately. Great, Tony thought wearily, sniffling and swiping at his stinging eyes with the back of one hand. That damn onion had been like a pressured gas grenade, he swore. Wade and Peter had beaten a quick retreat as soon as the meat balls were finished, both with tears streaming down their faces. Tony wouldn't be chased out of the kitchen by some vegetable, though. He'd told Steve he had the situation handled, and he was too stubborn not to see it through. 

_"Look, I don’t want to lie to everyone that we’re together when we’re not."_ Cap's comments drifted to mind again, and Tony scowled at the sauce like it had summoned them. _"You’re right. Happy?”_

"Delighted," he muttered to the empty room.

“That didn’t go well,” Cap mumbled suddenly, stepping around Tony to check on the sauce. His eyes met Tony’s and he shook his head. “I don’t know what we were thinking, Tony. Clint and Bruce aren’t together.”

Tony had to stop himself from rolling his eyes. Of course Steve wasn't talking about THEIR conversation not going well, that would be too direct and easy. 

"Clint told me they're together the other night," he said, playing it cool and talking about their teammates instead of the fact that they themselves needed to have an honest conversation. 

Honest conversations with Steve were easy when it was honesty about anything but the two of them. What was he even thinking, saying all of that to Steve outright? If he'd just stayed ambiguous about whether he might have feelings for Steve or not, the man probably wouldn't be able to tell one way or the other. Tony was pretty good at putting on the cool and collected facade. 

"He talked about Bruce having freckles 'all over'," he continued mildly to Cap, turning to him. "And he asked ME to tell you, because he said if he did it, you weren't gonna take it well. I don't suppose you just went in there and did--what did Clint call it? The 'endangering the team' speech?"

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, Steve plucked the spatula from Tony’s hand and stirred the spaghetti sauce zealously.

“I’m certain that Clint has seen Bruce naked more than once, since he spends so much time with the Hulk. Not all of Bruce’s pants are spandex blends…” Glancing his way, Steve frowned a bit sadly, offering the spatula back and adding in a whisper, “Bruce knows what he’s doing. Both he and Hulk don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Tony took the spatula back grumpily. Of course Steve noticed the sauce was boiling and needed stirring. He was so good at focusing on whatever distraction--WORK was at hand, instead of thinking about their ongoing tangled mess of a relationship. Relationship? Friendship? No word really fit right now. What were they to each other, anyway? "Teammates" sure didn't cut it. 

"The other night Bruce talked to you the same time Clint was talking to me," he pointed out to Steve. "What did HE tell you about him and Clint? Because I'm pretty sure Clint was making up half of what he told me that night. Not sure why, but he was pretty keen on dosing me up with tequila, too." He sat the spatula aside and stepped away from the counter, running a hand over his face before sighing and rubbing at his eyes. They still kind of stung. "I guess it doesn't really matter. They're adults. As long as the Hulk doesn't demolish this beach then I don't care what they do. It's not like they're Peter."

Snagging his arm, Steve pulled him gently back over, whispering, “Speaking of Peter, did you hear what he and Wade were saying?” The big blond sighed and shook his head. “I’m not sure that Wade likes Peter the way that Peter likes him.”

The arm-grabbing and whispering seemed like something Tony should object to, considering their smudged-beyond-legibility relationship status, but he had to admit he didn't want to object. It was kind of nice that Cap was so casually comfortable around him. When they weren't talking about the two of them, anyway. Sigh. 

"Yeah, I..." He tried to think back on which part of the conversation Cap was referring to, but kept coming back to their root beer-fueled bickering instead. Wearily, Tony admitted, "I have no idea. Whatever they are to each other, they seem happy and so far Wade doesn't seem like a creep, so..." He shrugged halfheartedly. "Unless he turns out to be a super villain or a SHIELD agent, I guess we should just encourage Peter. Y'know, to be HONEST and just TALK to the guy, all mature-like." 

He turned off the burner under the sauce, stirring the stuff with the spatula. He missed his workshop. Had he ever gone this long without welding something?

“Tony,” Cap sighed, still keeping his voice quiet. “I want to apologize for earlier. I didn’t mean to…hurt your feelings.” Cap added the last very carefully, seemingly unsure of the wording. “You caught me off guard. Arguments and all, we—”

“Is the sauce done? The sauce is done!” Wade came barging into the kitchen, pulling plates down from the cabinets so fast that he almost dropped them.

Taking a long step away from Tony, Cap put on a careful smile and pointed across the kitchen.

“Wade, can you grab those tongs?”

“Sure!”

As soon as the loud man spun to go that way, Cap started to sit the plates out on the counter, frowning to himself.

Tony, meanwhile, rummaged for forks in the silverware drawer a little overly loudly, plastering on the most neutral face possible. Well, ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch. If Steve thought that talk only hurt TONY'S feelings, maybe Steve didn't have any feelings involved here to hurt. It made too much sense--explained why Steve was apologizing instead of trying to continue where their talk had left off. 

Tony had come THIS close to blurting out how he really felt, and suddenly he was grateful for Wade's tendency to interrupt them in the middle of a sentence. Thank GOD he wasn't having to backpedal right now and downplay his own feelings while Steve was all apologetic that he didn't feel that way, himself. Just the thought was mortifying.

"Apology accepted," he told Steve quietly, trying to sound good-natured about it as he gave the big blond a slap on the shoulder. "You know what, I should talk to Clint and Bruce too. Be right back." 

Fleeing the kitchen wasn't exactly a proud choice, but it was the right one right now. He couldn't play unaffected by Steve in front of everybody until he took a minute to slap some armor back on. Figuratively.

Since the cabin was currently full of people, he made a U-turn and went right outside--and instantly got soaked, since it was still dumping rain out there. Dark, too, but the Arc reactor was like a built in headlight, so whatever. Maybe a little night walk would do him good.

For a moment, it was just him and the rumbling storm overhead. The rain pelting the ground, the scent of wet sand, growling thunder and the hot, damp air around him.

As a blinding bolt of lightning cracked through the clouds, the door opened behind him. A shuffle of feet, then the door closed again.

“Tony?” Steve asked, muffled by the storm.

Annnd now the Arc reactor was like a big arrow pointing out where Tony was outside. Sighing, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against one of the cars. Out across the sand, the ocean was whipping into tall peaked whitecaps, and the dark sky beyond it looked like it went off into forever. The rain was so thick it made it hard to see that far, of course, especially with it running into his eyes. 

And here was Steve.

"Wow. I know that was a flimsy excuse, but you had to get the part about me wanting to leave," Tony grumbled. "Could we just...not do this? I get the idea, we don't need to actually spell it all out."

“…We don’t?” Steve asked, slowly heading his way. He stopped, though, giving Tony space. “We need to work this out. We can’t keep the team together if we’re fighting all the time. I need us to be on the same page and I feel like I’ve dropped the entire book.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” a voice suddenly called out of the storm around them. The flexing of metal on top of the car told Tony that they weren’t alone.

“Who are you? Show yourself!” Cap’s reaction didn’t help reassure Tony as he stepped back, poised for a fight.

Tony frowned and looked over his shoulder in the direction of the metallic sound since the voice was kind of muffled by rain. He didn't stop leaning on the car, though. The voice didn't SOUND like any super villains he knew... 

"Why ARE you interrupting?" He asked whoever it was drolly. Much as he'd come out here to avoid talking to Steve, it seemed like they could've clarified some things until the new arrival got here. Was ONE private conversation with the man too much to ask for?

Perched on top of the SUV was a crouched man, all in red with tiny horns on his temples and a set of white clubs in his hands. Daredevil. How had Steve NOT known who he was?

The captain recognized him, too, dropping his guard and moving closer to Tony.

Daredevil pulled on a pleasant smile.

“I’m tracking a notorious troublemaker. I didn’t expect to find Avengers here, so I really hope Deadpool hasn’t given you too much grief.”

“Deadpool? Sorry, we haven’t seen any costumed people here. That was the point, actually,” Steve replied, shaking his head.

“Oh?” Daredevil asked, cocking his head curiously. “I can hear him talking from here.”

Tony sat up and turned to face the guy, too, frowning. 

"Yeah...I've heard of Deadpool, and that guy's always in a mask, right? No masks in sight here since Spider-Man put his away." He paused, realization dawning that Peter's secret identity was at risk, and added warily, "Which direction do you hear him from?"

“Your cabin—that’s why I felt like I should tell you why I’m here before I break in and start a fight.” Daredevil slipped off the side of the car, landing gracefully on the bumper and lingering there to peer down at them. “I just want to talk to Deadpool. He sort of…left me to clean up his mess. A bus driver almost died.”

“Our cabin,” Steve said from beside Tony, turning to look back at the building. Then he was looking at Tony. “You don’t think it’s…Peter’s friend?”

"Really?" Tony gave him an incredulous look. "C'mon, Peter's a smart kid, you have to give him more credit than that, Cap. If Deadpool is a troublemaker and hurts people, there's no way Peter would be mixed up with him. Besides, didn't Wade say his only superpower was 'eating his body weight in tacos'?"

“Oh boy,” Daredevil sighed above them, hopping down to the ground. “Can I come in? Actually, can I GO in? You two seem like you…need to talk,” he added uncomfortably, glancing between them.

“You need to stay out here,” Cap told him sternly, stopping the vigilante with a hand. “I’ll get Deadpool.” Turning on his heel, Cap hurried back to the cabin. Hopefully HE didn’t start a fight.

Tony wiped wet hair out of his eyes and shook his head. 

"Why did we even bother with a vacation?" He asked Daredevil, mostly because he was the only person there to talk at. Without waiting for a reply, he added tiredly, "How exactly did you track Deadpool here, by the way? How well do you know the guy? Do you know his real identity?"

“I do and I also know Peter’s, just for the record.” Daredevil watched Cap as he disappeared into the cabin, turning to Tony again and smiling. “So, the tabloids were right. ‘The playboy and the American dreamboat.’” The vigilante chuckled and shook his head.

"Don't get too excited," Tony grumbled, rubbing his temples. He paused, frowning at Daredevil. "So you know Wade AND Peter. That must mean you're their 'friend' Matt," he concluded, arching a brow. Daredevil seemed so ominously-themed for a guy named Matt.

Leaning against the car, Daredevil shrugged a shoulder.

“I’m not sure friend is the right word, but yes. We associate. Mostly in masks. But why shouldn’t I get excited? The rumors about Captain America and Iron Man are famous. I never would have believed them myself. Seemed way too obvious.”

The cabin door pushed back open, both Cap and Wade stepping out with a concerned-looking Peter in tow.

Tony squinted at Daredevil. 'Too obvious'?

Before he could comment, of course, somebody else started talking. 

"Cap, if this's about--" Sighting Daredevil, Peter blinked and stopped in his tracks. "Oh, wow. In the rain you look just like a gargoyle." 

"Matt says Wade's a 'notorious troublemaker', Peter," Tony said, looking at him expectantly. 

Peter glanced quickly between him and Daredevil, eyes widening. 

"You, uh, you know who he is?" 

"And that he's a carrot top," Tony said with absolute confidence. Peter's unchanged expression confirmed that he was right.

“That’s neither here nor there,” Matt told them, pushing off of the car to meet Cap and Wade. “Wade, I need to talk to you. Now.” Taking Wade’s arm, he led him off to the front of the car.

Cap crossed his arms and watched them go, turning instantly to look at Peter with disappointment.

“I understand why you didn’t want us to know who Wade was, but Peter—Deadpool is not a superhero. Not by a long shot.”

"You guys don't know him," Peter said, looking after the other two like he wanted to follow them. Turning sad brown eyes on both Steve and Tony, he added seriously, "I know you've probably heard all sorts of awful things, but if you trust me at all, you'll believe me when I say Wade's NOT a bad guy. You really think I would trust a bad guy with my real name and risk my aunt and my friends?" 

Tony gave Cap a glance. That had kind of been what he'd meant by giving Peter some credit, but he had to admit, the situation didn't look great if Wade really was Deadpool. 'Awful things' was putting it lightly about what people said about Deadpool. Great, if Wade really was the boyfriend like they'd suspected... 

"And whatever you've heard about Daredevil, that's probably exaggerated too," Peter added, frowning. "He's a vigilante, but technically so am I. You realize that, right?"

Tony only half-heard him, the gears still turning in his head. Oh, no. What if MATT was the guy Peter liked and couldn't tell? The guy had followed Wade all the way here from New York, and had known Peter was here too...

“Of course we trust you, Peter,” Cap told the kid sincerely, uncrossing his arms and looking to Tony for some kind of cue, blue eyes stormy. “I think I’m beginning to understand why you were hesitant to tell us about Wade. I had been thinking you and him were a duo…not a trio. Is that why you two aren’t an item?” Cap nodded his head in Daredevil’s direction subtly.

Peter cleared his throat and glanced that way awkwardly as well. 

"Uh. I-it's complicated," he mumbled, wrapping his arms around himself. More pointedly, he asked, "You guys know what Daredevil's powers ARE, right?"

"Super senses, especially touch, smell, and.." Tony glanced the way Matt and Wade had gone dubiously. "...Hearing." Right. There was no way Daredevil hadn't been able to hear every word they'd said standing this close, even if it was pouring rain. 

Now he and Steve REALLY had nowhere to have a private conversation.

“I’m sorry, Peter.” Face flushing a bit, Steve grimaced. “We’ll talk later.”

Daredevil and Wade started back their way, looking like they were caught up in some kind of argument. It was hard to hear over the weather.

“…He was completely fine!” Matt was saying, annoyed. “You could have called me back or even just texted me to let me know that you and Peter weren’t battling with some giant sea monster!”

“Hey, I did NOT say sea monster! You assumed because I said monster and because I was going to the beach that it was a sea monster!”

“That’s not the point and you know it!”

“Is everything alright?” Steve asked as they got closer.

“Yeah, Cap, it’s fine,” Wade said coolly, brushing Matt’s hand off of his shoulder. “Matt here was just being a tool.”

“Yes, you know, 'tool' is the right word—because you used me to do your dirty work!” Daredevil grumbled. He puffed out a sigh. “Peter, Deadpool had me convinced that you were in trouble and I may have said something to your girlfriend. I’m very sorry. I should have known better than to trust this idiot!”

“I prefer FOOL,” Wade huffed, crossing his arms. “’Sides, MJ and Spidey aren’t together anymore.”

“What?” Matt asked, suddenly concerned. “What happened?” He asked Peter.

“I’m sorry, but we need to go back inside. If anyone spots us out here with YOU,” Cap gestured to Daredevil, “the jig’s up.”

"Right--everybody inside, shoo, shoo!" Tony said, bemused by the sight of Peter, Matt and Wade together. The teen clearly knew both of them pretty well if they all knew each other's real names, who the others were dating... And yet Peter hadn't mentioned breaking up with Mary Jane to only one of them. Maybe it WAS Matt who Peter liked...

"It's late and the weather's horrible--you should stay 'til tomorrow, Matt," Peter was telling the red-clad hero, patting his back as they walked. "There's plenty of spaghetti to go around, right Cap?"

“Um, I think so,” Cap said, clearing his throat and again looking at Tony for a signal. “There’s enough spaghetti?”

“I don’t think I should stay, Peter. I don’t want to get anyone in trouble and I’m sure that driver’s going to sue--”

“Hey Matt! You should totally play frisbee with us!” Wade cut in excitedly. “Bugs’ dads are crazy good! I almost lost an eye!”

Peter wiped sopping bangs out of his eyes and gave Matt an almost shy smile. Uh-oh, Tony thought. 

"Hey, I know you're busy with work AND your regular job, so if you can't it's okay," he said easily. "But if the guy's gonna sue you KNOW it'll take him longer than a couple of hours." 

"We have enough spaghetti to feed an army," Tony added honestly. "We're used to having enough food for the Hulk, so it's probably way too much, honestly."

Slipping his mask off with one hand, Matt flashed Peter a very handsome smile. Daredevil did indeed have red hair, as well as pale blue eyes. Before Tony could make out any more detail, Matt was walking into the cabin with the others.

“Wow, he’s comfortable with letting us all know who he is?” Cap whispered, like it might keep Matt from hearing him.

"If Peter's able to trust us, that says a lot to him, I guess," Tony replied softly back. There was no hope of hiding the conversation from Matt, but Peter and Wade probably wouldn't hear.

Wade still referred to Steve and Tony as Peter's dads, Tony noted with a pang of regret. Maybe he'd screwed it up. Maybe if he'd done things differently, Steve might have been interested somehow, or at least wouldn't have gone out of his way to say how they definitely were not together. Tony thought they were pretty compatible, if they could just have a few minutes ALONE to actually talk about things. Maybe tomorrow when everybody else went outside and Daredevil was safely on his way back to New York, or something.

He glanced at Steve sidelong and sighed as they stepped into the cabin--and back to the sound of people talking and dishes clinking as the other Avengers dished out spaghetti. How did a vacation have any right to be this stressful?  


* * *

  
“Psst!” Clint hissed through his teeth, flicking a penny, which was all he could find, up at Peter. The kid had apparently managed to sleep in the main room with his buddies by letting them have the couch and sleeping upside-down on the roof, which left Tony and Cap to their own room. Clint had to wonder how that had played out, but at that moment, he didn’t care. At least he didn’t have to avoid waking up either of the parental Avengers while getting Spidey.

As quiet as he had tried to be, he noticed movement--the redheaded guy rolled over in his blanket and frowned as the penny thumped off Peter’s chest.

The teen, whose upside-down on the ceiling thing looked really bizarre without the Spider-Man costume involved, jumped slightly and blinked down at Clint, squinting. 

"Huh?" He asked, looking "above" him at the redhead and blond on the couch. Looking back at Clint, Peter casually flipped down onto the floor and sat up, yawning. "Hey, g'morning Hawkeye..."

“Shh! We gotta talk. Come on.” Clint waved for the kid to follow him and took a few steps back down the hallway, hoping that he’d get the idea.

Unfortunately, the redheaded guy got out of his blanket and got up, too.

“Should I wake Wade up?” He asked Spider-Man softly, yawning behind a hand.

Peter looked at the blond for a moment, then shrugged and easily scooped him up from the couch to carry bridal-style. It was disconcerting, with how tall Wade was and how skinny Peter looked, to remember that the kid was super strong. 

"If he wakes up alone he'll just talk loudly and look for us," Peter pointed out quietly with a small smile. He started after Clint. "Where are we goin'?"

“To my room—but you gotta keep him quiet,” Clint told him, nodding to Wade. 

Great, the chatterbox guy was coming along. He led the way to his and Bruce’s room, holding the door for all three of them to come in. As quietly as he could, he shut the door and clicked the lock into place. Stepping around them, he took a seat on the floor beside Bruce.

“Alright, sit down for a second,” Clint told them. “We’ve got some ideas.”

Peter raised his eyebrows at the door locking part, moving over to lay Wade carefully in the nearest hammock and then sit in front of the two Avengers. 

"Uh, okay, sure. Why are we being so sneaky about this whatever-we're-doing?"

The ginger guy settled in beside him, seeming strangely at home in his borrowed clothes even though they were oversized on him. Apparently Cap had loaned him some blue pajamas.

“We need to fix the whole Steve and Tony situation. It’s just getting worse. Look, we’ve been talking to them and trying to help them work out whatever the hell they’re arguing about. I noticed you’re kinda doing that too, so we thought hey—why not team up?” Clint explained, trying to be as quiet as he could. 

It was early, but Cap was a morning person. If he got up like he usually did, there was a chance he might pass by and hear them talking.

Peter blinked, glancing between him and Bruce. The scientist nodded to confirm Clint's explanation. 

"They clearly need some help," Bruce added wryly.

"I'm not sure what to do besides try to get them to talk to each other," Peter confessed, glancing over at the redhead. "Matt will hear if Cap's awake, though, so don't worry about that part. What do you guys wanna do, exactly?"

Matt. Right, that was the guy’s name. He had been wearing a red suit when he arrived and since he could apparently hear through walls, Clint assumed he was another super person. Which helped explain how he got around so normally, despite the blind blue eyes staring at him right then.

“We’re not entirely sure,” Clint sighed, glancing at Bruce. The guy looked like a bed-headed mess. Cute. Refocusing, Clint waved a hand at Peter. “We can’t leave them like THIS. They’re worse than when we got here and that had been going on for DAYS.”

"We've also noticed that they both stop fighting and team up whenever they're focused on you," Bruce told Peter. "That's bad if they can constantly avoid their problems by distracting themselves, but it might help us here, too."

"How's that?" Peter asked dubiously. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I-I wanna help them too. They're doing a LOT of moping for guys on a tropical beach vacation."

“Clint and I agree that we need to somehow cut them off from the team and make them spend some time together alone," Bruce said seriously. "We're not sure where yet, but maybe you could help get them there."

“Let’s say…some kind of team building exercise?” Clint suggested. “We’ve got ten people here, plus Thor’s lady friend and YOU.” He pointed to Matt, who blinked at him sleepily.

“I noticed a sandcastle on the beach. Are you thinking something like that?” He asked Clint in reply, covering another yawn.

“No, something for smaller teams. Say, two people to a team—that way Cap and Tony can be on a team. We just have to make sure everyone partners up before we tell them what’s going on. How about a treasure hunt or something?” 

"They're still gonna be in the same place everybody else is if we do that," Peter said worriedly. "I hate to say it, but I think they need to be STUCK somewhere together or they won't talk. How are we gonna do that?"

"We could sabotage our own treasure hunt," Bruce mused. "Use the team thing to get the two of them together, have you lure them to some specific place, and lock them in...or something..." 

"Lock them into what? Cap could bust through most walls," Peter said sheepishly. "That, and that would be kind of mean. We don't want them to think we're being attacked or that anybody is in danger, or they won't relax."

"Right," Bruce said, all business. "Subtle sabotage, then. Maybe we could send them way out into the ocean on a jet ski and barely put any gas in it." 

"Poor Cap and Tony," Peter said, but couldn't help a small chuckle. 

The mental image WAS pretty funny.

“Hey, hey,” Clint said. “We can’t strand them too far out. What if the storm rolls back in?”

“What if we did a boat thing? People team up, take a boat and go collect things? Or plant flags. Something like that,” Matt offered.

“That’s not bad,” Clint mumbled, rubbing his head. “We could mess that up to slow them down.”

"Wow," Peter said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. "Uh, I guess if all of this underhanded sabotage is for their sake, I can lie to Cap and Tony about what we're up to. I've got an idea about the planting flags thing, though. What if THEY have to plant the flags for us to collect?"

"Set up? I like it," Bruce said thoughtfully. He frowned and ran a hand through his hair absently. "We should rent kayaks for this. They have two-person tandem kayaks, so even to do the set up, Cap and Tony would have to paddle out there together." 

"Right," Peter said, sitting up straighter. He held up his hands as he talked, waving them a bit. "And we could have a route with places to plant the flags and make it zig-zag all over the place so they're out here awhile. Think they'd talk if they were just in a kayak long enough, or do they need to actually be stuck there?"

“Thor,” Clint said. “We could have Thor mess up the weather on purpose. Are there any small islands off shore? As soon as they get out there, we just have Thor whip up a storm so they can’t come back for a couple hours.”

“So you’re recruiting the team to strand your leaders out at sea? Wow. I hope they don’t think this is mutiny,” Matt told them dubiously.

“We don’t need the whole team. It’d be nice if we had everyone’s help, but I’ll bet Cap and Tony will do it. It’ll make them feel like they’re focusing on us.”

"It's actually kind of brilliant," Peter said, raising his eyebrows. "They'll think they're distracting themselves and doing a team thing and they'll really be off alone for hours. Maybe even all day."

"The tough part is going to be making them think this was their idea so they don't suspect we have something planned," Bruce said, glancing up at Clint. He frowned thoughtfully. "Especially since we can't say we saw it on a website or something with no technology here." 

"No, no, that's exactly what we can do," Peter realized, blinking. "The site doesn't even have to exist because we won't have a phone or computer to show it to them, so I can just explain the kayak game and say I read about it online! Yesterday, maybe. Before my phone died." Pulling said phone out of his pocket, he turned the power off pointedly.

“Alright, sounds good.” Clint waved to them quickly, getting to his feet. “Get back out to the living room and play it cool. We’ll start the plan after breakfast. I’ll get Thor, you guys lay it on thick how badly you want to kayak, and Peter—use the puppy eyes.”

"Puppy eyes. Right," Peter said, standing up. He glanced at Matt. "I'll give them the kayak idea and a reason why it's so important. If you don't mind being the bad guy a bit, Matt, I've got an idea for that part..."


	11. Ice-cream and Mutiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello from the writers! We were on top of this posting twice per week thing with a bunch of chapters written in advance, but a combination of Stressful Real Life (TM) this month and just plain working on a lot of projects at once had led to us running out of prewritten chapters. The TL;DR is that we are dialing back the posting schedule to once per week, on Tuesdays. Don't worry, we will keep posting regularly and onward 'til the end, though. ♥ Thanks for reading and enjoying our fic, as always!

The sun was just getting high enough to warm the long shadows across the beach and Cap had been sitting out there before those shadows had even appeared, grateful that the storm had whisked itself away overnight. 

He couldn’t sleep. It was odd to sleep like a normal person again and trying to get any rest with Tony on his mind was very difficult.

The only way Cap could think of explaining himself was in a letter. It was silent, dodging Daredevil’s super hearing, and it was easy to tear up if he changed his mind about handing it to Tony. Without any actual paper along on their vacation, he had settled for writing on the back of one of the recipe cards he’d brought along. He wasn’t a good cook anyway.

Crinkling the faded card in his hands, Cap stared down at his words, considering each one very carefully. It was a good thing the note card was so small or he would have rambled on forever.

What was he thinking? The team needed two leaders, not parents. As much as the Avengers liked to make jabs at him and Tony, it’d be easier on everyone if they kept their relationship professional. It was easier that way. They’d be focused on their work and not each other.

Not that many superheroes got married or settled down. The few exceptions were just that—exceptions. 

Then there were all the other issues. The public opinion and super villains that might use their relationship against them. The political implications of two well known heroes dating and whether that gained or lost favor. Even one kiss would have people screaming in their faces.

Cap sighed, folding the old recipe card up and tucking it into his wallet for safe keeping, right beside his Avengers Identicard.

There was just so much to consider. Sadly, his actual feelings felt like a low priority. He could love Tony and take care of him without the world knowing about it.

"Wait, wait, just talk to me a sec here!" Peter's voice drifted to him from up the stairs by the cars, and he sounded a little panicked. A glance up there told Cap that the kid was hurrying after Daredevil, who was back in his red suit with the mask off and stepping quickly toward the cars. 

Peter caught his shoulder and the red-clad hero turned with an impatient huff, crossing his arms. "Why right now?" Peter asked sadly. "I'm not excusing what Wade did, a-and okay, if you think he needs to be back there to sort it out then I believe you, but can't you hold off a few days? Even a day, just one more day before you take him away?"

“Peter, this is about him being responsible. You of all people should respect that.”

The moment Steve heard the man’s reply, he got up and made his way up the stairs, knowing that Matt would hear him approach. Daredevil kept talking, though.

“He wants to be a better person, so that’s what I’m helping him do.” The redhead placed a hand on Peter’s shoulder and gave him a charming smile. “I promise we’ll be waiting for you when you get back.”

Steve hesitated as he reached the top of the stairs, catching the smile.

If he didn’t know any better, he’d think that Matt was making eyes at Peter. Which, if he knew Peter liked Wade and was friends with both of them—well, that was a cruel thing to do.

“Is everything alright up here?” Steve asked, taking his time to come over to where they were standing.

Annoyingly enough, Matt smiled at him too. Even with Peter looking so upset.

“Good morning Captain.”

Noticing Cap, Peter turned sad brown eyes on him, but didn't exactly confirm that there was trouble. He actually looked kind of guilty, probably from the redhead suggesting HE was being the irresponsible person here. 

Was he? Wade seemed kind of harmless while on vacation, but Cap hadn't heard great things about Deadpool. He trusted Peter's word, though, that the blond wasn't a bad guy. Prone to mistakes, maybe... 

"Cap, Matt and Wade have to leave," Peter explained quietly. He hesitated, turning to Matt. "I mean, they don't HAVE to, but Matt thinks they should. I-I know you're trying to help him, Matt, it's just--I-I was really hoping..." Trailing off, he shook his head. "Never mind. You don't care anyway." Turning, he started to trudge back toward the cabin.

“Peter, wait,” both Cap and Matt said together, stepping after him at once.

Cap stared at Daredevil, perplexed by the sudden concern in his voice. The redhead stared back, putting on a calm expression again. Maybe he hadn’t meant to upset Peter after all.

Clearing his throat, Cap spoke loudly enough that Peter had to be able to hear him.

“I’ll take full responsibility for Wade.”

For a moment, Daredevil looked at him. It wasn’t exactly AT Cap, but in his general direction like he was studying him.

Peter stepped back over, frowning worriedly at Cap before turning to Matt again. 

"No, I will. I'm the reason he came here in the first place, so it's only fair," he sighed. "Was kind of hoping you'd stick around, too. We're always fighting something--I think this's the first time we've ever all stayed somewhere together out of our costumes for a whole night. And Wade--" He fidgeted, glancing back toward the cabin almost shyly. "Never mind. Just let us be normal people on a normal vacation for one more day before he goes back to everybody back home treating him like dirt. Okay?"

“You’re right, Peter. This is pretty amazing.” The red headed man sighed and ‘glanced’ at Cap. Then he smiled again, only this time it felt sincere. “I guess it can wait a day or two. I imagine you guys didn’t all come charging out here without making sure that the city was taken care of.”

“Of course not,” Cap chimed in. “But Wade stays the entire week.”

“Three days,” Matt shot back without hesitation.

“The entire week, and I give him a good talking to about the importance of being responsible.”

Which was going to happen anyway, if he was ever dating Peter. Though it might be mixed with implied threats, now that Cap knew exactly who he was dealing with.

Matt considered it for a moment, then nodded.

“And you take him to apologize to the bus driver personally.”

“Deal,” Cap agreed easily, offering a hand. Daredevil took his hand and shook it, flashing a smile at Peter.

The kid looked like he might be tearing up a little. 

"Thank you," he told them both gratefully, sounding relieved. "I-I know he doesn't seem like it, but Wade's trying really hard--and he's got no family, so this vacation's all new for him, and Matt if you saw how happy he looked yesterday playing frisbee with me and Cap and Tony..." 

He sniffled and wiped at his eyes awkwardly. Peter didn't have any family left except for his aunt May, himself, so he was probably a little too close to that part. 

"S-sorry. Um, Cap? I know Tony likes having no plan for the week, but I-I was kind of hoping we could do a team up thing. Y'know, so Wade could be part of the team. Matt, too, if he decides to stay." He directed the sad eyes on Daredevil, even though the guy couldn't see him.

Would it be strange for Cap to remind Peter that the Avengers are like a family? They cared about him, especially Steve and Tony. It hadn’t been too much of a stretch when he told Wade that they were Peter’s parents. It really felt like that sometimes. Like when he and Tony were arguing over the way the media talked about Spider-Man, or Tony setting aside a college fund for him.

Well, they actually hadn’t argued about that at all—though they debated when to tell Peter. Cap eventually won and they opted to tell him after he graduated high school, which was way too soon. That was in this year, wasn’t it?

“I think maybe a few plans would be a good idea. What did you have in mind?” Cap asked, resting a hand on Peter’s shoulder. He needed to focus. Peter was right, actually taking a vacation was a rarity.

Peter mustered a smile at him, then reached over and patted Daredevil's shoulder in turn. 

"Well, it depends on whether Matt stays. If he does, we've got the right number of people to pair them up into teams," he explained hopefully. "It kind of felt like I didn't bring anything to the vacation, so last night I used up the last bit of my phone's battery searching for ideas, and..." He looked at Cap to gauge how favorable his reaction was, suggesting, "Kayak flag race? Two people in each one, and they have to go grab all the flags on the map, any order they want. No flying or tech or web shooters, just two people who have to paddle together to move."

“That’s a great idea,” Cap agreed, smiling in return. “A team building exercise. I like it.”

“I’ll stay, Peter,” Matt added in, patting the hand on his shoulder. “I can call work and let them know I’ll be out for another day.”

“Or two,” Cap added. Not because he wanted Matt to stay longer, but just because he needed to have a few words with him before he left.

“Just one,” Matt chuckled, gesturing toward the cabin. “I should go change.”

“Good idea,” Steve told him, letting go of Peter’s arm.

Peter watched the redhead walk into the cabin, then sighed and let his shoulders slump. 

"Thanks for putting in a good word for Wade," he told Cap. "Matt wasn't even planning to let him stay for breakfast."

“Like you said, Wade seems to be trying.” Catching the kid’s arm, Cap led him quickly after Daredevil. If the man needed fresh clothes, he’d have to go into Cap and Tony’s room. 

The inside of the house was stirring. Clint was grumbling under his breath, slapping a package of smoked bacon onto the counter top.

“Why the hell didn’t we bring hash browns?”

“Good morning,” Cap told him, ignoring the scowl Clint gave him in passing.

Matt had passed right through the living room and kitchen combo, making his way down the hallway to Cap’s room.

A nervous flutter set off in Steve’s stomach as he realized that Tony was most likely still in bed.

"Hey, where are we going?" Peter asked curiously, reminding Cap he was still leading the kid along by the arm. "If you don't need me, maybe I better help Hawkeye make breakfast. Looks like he's about to throw the whole pack of bacon in that pan at once!"

Letting go of Peter, Cap gave him a quick smile and nod before continuing down the hallway at marching speed. It was his chance to corner Daredevil and figure out what exactly his intentions were with Peter. Arguing or not, he knew Tony would have his back.  


* * *

  
Tony groggily registered the sound of the bedroom door opening, and burrowed a little deeper into his hammock. Ugh, another day of playing professional, impartial co-leader with Steve, or at least a few more hours. He'd gone to bed intending to "sleep in" as long as possible in the hopes that Matt would leave and he could finally talk to Steve in private. The vacation had been so stressful so far, though, that Tony had tossed and turned (or maybe 'rocked and rolled' was a better term, because hammock) and fallen asleep in the small hours of the morning. 

He had no idea what time it was now, but it felt like he'd actually slept in late. Whatever. He didn't feel like facing Steve again any sooner than he had to, anyway.

The sound of the bedroom door opening made him peek over his pillow. Speak of the devil...

Literally. It wasn't Steve who had just walked in, it was Daredevil, sans mask but wearing his red super hero suit. Tony squinted at him as the redhead turned and started to carefully sort through one of the bags of clothes in the corner.

Stepping in after him was…Steve. The blond man carefully turned and shut the door behind him, casting a glance in Tony’s direction. As he noticed that Tony was awake, he gave a small nod in Daredevil’s direction.

“So, Matt, have you known Peter long?”

“It’s been about a year, I think.” Daredevil’s head tipped as he pull a t-shirt out of one of the bags. He stood up and faced Steve, sighing. “You two planned this, didn’t you?”

“Planned what?” Steve asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Cornering me,” Matt told him drolly.

Tony sat up in the hammock, sighing and running his fingers through his mussed hair. First a lot of rain and then rolling around in bed meant that it was kind of a curly mess. Whatever. 

"That's right," he began, then held up a hand as he broke into a big yawn. Clearing his throat, he turned to sit sideways on the hammock with his legs hanging over the edge. "A-hem, you got us, I orchestrated sleeping in 'til whatever-o'clock-it-is just to corner you."

“I figured if I stayed around, the two of you would find a way to ambush me.” Daredevil ducked back down to the luggage and dug for what Tony assumed was a pair of pants. “What do you want to know?”

“I want to know what your intentions are with Peter,” Steve stated, staying by the door.

“My intentions,” Matt echoed, examining a pair of jeans before standing back up to face Steve. The redhead just chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Stepping closer, Cap uncrossed his arms and stared Daredevil down. 

“Nothing,” Matt told him, smile fading a bit. “Look, my ‘intentions’ with Peter are the same as always—I want to make sure that he’s not caught up in some mess that Deadpool made.”

"Oh, come on," Tony grumbled as he climbed down from the hammock, turning back to face the redhead. "You can't tell me you have no reason to hang around Peter besides keeping Wade in line. Seems like that's a handy excuse for you, but we're not stupid--we both see the way he looks at you." He shot Cap a glance, trying to do like the blond man always did and be on-task when the conversation was about anybody else's problems. 

Okay, that wasn't really fair. Looking out for Peter WAS important, more important than their ongoing failure to communicate. It was kind of petty to even think about his own personal life right now, really, but how could he look at Cap and not think of it at all?

Matt seemed surprised at the comment and frowned back at him.

“That’s an interesting thought, but you’re dead wrong.” Slinging the pair of jeans over his shoulder, he gestured back at the door with a hand. “I’m not the one you should be talking to. That’d be Wade. He and Peter were friends way before I came along. There’s no way they aren’t dating.”

“What makes you think that?” Cap asked, moving around Matt to stand beside Tony.

“Wade’s been obsessed with Peter since they met and Peter tolerates way more of Deadpool’s nonsense than I ever could.” The redhead frowned off to the side. “If I was Peter, I’d keep dating Wade a secret too. Especially with parental figures like YOU two around.”

Giving them a tight smile, he headed for the door.

"You talk pretty big for a guy who has no idea what he's talking about," Tony called after him. "You're telling me you never heard his heart skip a beat around you? I don't buy it." 

A guy as perceptive as Daredevil had to be in denial to think Peter had no reaction to him. The shy smile in the rain the day before came back to Tony's mind, and Matt's handsome, genuine smile back. Yeah, he hadn't imagined that. 

Why in the world would he WANT Peter to like this guy? Wade and Peter seemed to go together strangely well. Both of them seemed to follow Matt's lead on things, though. Why? Why was this guy so important to either of them?

Turning back to look at them, Matt’s expression grew serious. Sad almost.

“I’m not going to get between him and Wade, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’d just screw it up, anyways.”

Without further comment, Daredevil ducked out of the room and shut the door behind him. Cap paced to the door and then faced Tony again.

“I have the feeling my hunch earlier was right. Peter’s got himself mixed up in a love triangle.” Cap rubbed his forehead, exasperated.

"Yeah, well I have a bad feeling Matt's the one Peter likes and can't tell about it," Tony said, crossing his arms. "From the sound of it, 'let's date' is something Wade would LOVE to hear from Peter, and we know Peter's not actually dating anybody right now, so..." 

Realizing both that Daredevil could probably still hear him and that he was alone in the room with Cap now, Tony turned and started rummaging through his suitcase for clothes that weren't pajamas. 

"At least Matt's leaving today so we won't have to worry about him for the rest of the week."

“Um,” Cap mumbled, clearing his throat. “He’s not, actually. He wanted to grab Wade and head out this morning but I, well I…I asked him to stay.”

Tony stood up with jeans and a loud Hawaiian print shirt in his arms, blinking. 

"Whoa, wait, we could've sent BOTH of them off away from Peter for the week, and you stopped them? WHY?" He was mystified. Cap must have a good reason for this, but he couldn't think of what.

“Peter was really upset, Tony,” Steve said, frowning at him. “I guess the three of them have never really spent time together when they aren’t fighting crime. Peter just wanted a few more days with them and Matt wasn’t having it. So, I told him I’d take responsibility for Wade if they could stay for a few more days. Then,” Cap sighed, losing the frown. “Peter asked us all to do a boat race. I guess that’s why he wanted his friends to stay so badly. If you ask me, I think the three of them need some time alone to work all of this out.”

They weren't the only ones, Tony thought wearily. 

"Is it strange to anybody but me that Wade and Peter act like Matt gets the final word on everything? Don't answer that," he told Cap, sighing. "Look, I trust your judgment..." He hesitated for a moment, wishing he could elaborate on that but knowing, KNOWING that Daredevil was somewhere nearby eavesdropping. "...So I guess those two are sticking around and we're having a boat race. Please tell me there's a pot of coffee waiting for me in the kitchen."

Patting his shoulder, Cap flashed him a genuine smile.

“As long as Clint didn’t drink it, yes.”  


* * *

  
“Do you have any maps?” Clint asked the shop attendant, trying to smooth out his frown. It was part of the plan for he and Bruce to go buy something to make flags. It was NOT part of the plan to have Peter along. He had hoped to stop and have ice-cream again, maybe get a chance to hold Bruce’s hand, maybe even…

“Well, I’ve got some maps of the area from one of our fairs. If you don’t mind ignoring the little tents.”

“I don’t mind. We’re gonna use it for a boat race.” Clint paid the lady and took the stack of maps, circling the small store to find Peter and Bruce. Even with the gawky kid along, they were gonna eat some damn ice-cream.

"Whoa, is that a tiki mask?" Peter was giving the tourist souvenir stand a weird look. "We're not in Polynesia..." 

"These might work," Bruce commented beside him, picking a package off of the shelf--colored flags on a line, the type car dealerships and beach parties both seemed to love. "We'd have to put them on something for mini flagpoles, but there's plenty of them in here." 

Peter leaned and looked at the package of flags. 

"Those have flowers printed on them," he observed, bemused. "We're not in Hawaii, either."

"We're here, and this is what they have here," Bruce replied dryly.

“Got the maps,” Clint said shortly, dropping the papers at Peter. He examined the flags that Bruce was holding and nodded. “These will work. Grab another pack. Do they have any pencils or pens? Those would work for the poles.”

Hovering a hand over the shelf as he searched, Clint started to miss his bow. Improvising always made him think of his bow. Most of his arrows were based on something he had to improvise in a fight.

Snagging a box of colorful crayons, he held them up to Bruce.

“Got it. Let’s grab ice-cream and go. We need to get those two out onto the water before noon. If we take too long, they might wanna wait until tomorrow.”

Snagging a second pack of the flags, Bruce smiled at him. 

"Or they'll be out there when it gets dark." 

"I feel a little bad for how I got Cap to agree to this," Peter confessed, looking sheepish. "Although Matt's better at improv than I thought. He sure knows how to hit a guy where it hurts--right in the responsibility." 

Bruce only quirked an eyebrow at him before turning and starting for the cash register. 

"It's all for the cause."  


* * *

  
"There are a bunch of little sandbars and rocks and stuff that flags can go on," Peter explained, showing Cap and Tony one of the maps. The dark-haired man squinted at the little cartoon tents on the side of it and looked about ready to comment, then thought better of it. Peter handed Steve the map and stepped to the side, waving at the shopping bag of flags he and Hawkeye and Dr. Banner had bought and assembled earlier. With their flower print and crayons for flag posts, they were bright and colorful.

"We've got a whole bunch of flags for people to pick up, but first somebody has to go out there and set them in place," he continued, trying not to sound like he'd rehearsed this. "Since you guys are the team leaders, I figured maybe you could do it and mark down the locations on the map along the way." He directed both of them with a hopeful look. Cap had completely buckled under the gaze of the sad puppy eyes earlier, but Tony was the more cynical and suspicious of the two, usually. 

This time he just smiled, though, and agreed easily, "Good thinking--we'll know where everything is, even if everybody else has to go hunt for the flags on sight. Oh, uh..." he nodded over at Matt, raising an eyebrow. "Is he gonna be able to do that?"

"He can hear a flag flapping way farther out than people could see it," Peter said confidently, grinning. Matt's powers were pretty amazing. Wade's were, too, although they'd managed to carefully avoid mentioning those to the Avengers so far. It was probably for the best.

“Remarkable,” Cap commented without a hint of actually being impressed. He was busy scrutinizing the map, tracing a finger over the little spots Peter had mentioned. Tucking the map under his arm, Cap pointed to the flags. “Are we making teams by color or did you have something else in mind?”

“Kid, your ice-cream’s melting!” Clint grumbled, stepping up next to Peter to shove a big ice-cream cone at him. They had found a stand on their way back across the beach and, even after buying ice-cream sandwiches at the beach mart, Hawkeye had stopped to get the group cones.

"Whoa--thanks, I forgot!" Peter took the offered ice-cream and shot Hawkeye a smile. The archer had seemed extra irritated all morning, especially when he and Peter and Dr. Banner had been shopping. Maybe he missed the Hulk. 

Turning back to Steve and Tony and licking the cone so it wouldn't drip on his hand, Peter waved vaguely at the row of rented two-person kayaks in bright colors that Thor, Lola and Wade had lined up on the beach. "Teams by color sounds great--we might even be able to match up flags and kayaks. How about if I deal with all that while you guys get moving on the flag planting part? Pick a kayak and head on out, and by the time you get back the teams will be ready to go."

“How many colors do we have here?” Cap mumbled, kneeling to sort through the flags for a moment. “Looks like we have six colors to work with, Peter.” Standing up, he waved for Tony to follow him to the kayaks. “We’ll try to hurry. Everyone should eat lunch before we start the race,” he added in passing.

"No problem," Peter said, giving him a thumbs up. "Actually, I figured it was gonna be around lunchtime, so I even packed you guys some sandwiches!" He swiped the packed lunch bag from among the shopping bags and turned back to Steve and Tony, offering it to them with a winning smile. "Don't worry, I have everything covered here on land 'til you get back."

If they planned to actually do the race part of this, he might have been a bit more pressured, but the truth was that the whole plan was just to get Steve and Tony out on the water and then keep them there as long as possible. Well, Peter had a side plan to nudge Clint and Dr. Banner into going for a kayak ride together to cheer up the grumpy archer, too, but they didn't know that part yet. Matt and Wade were hanging out here a few more days just for the sake of matchmaking the Avengers' co-leaders, which was pretty awesome of them (even if Matt did seem kind of quiet and grumpy about it this morning.)

He had it covered, though. He really did.

“Thank you, Peter,” Steve told him, stepping back to grab the lunches. As soon as he was near the kayaks, he handed both the sandwiches and the map off to Tony so he could move the blue kayak into the water.

Still lingering near Peter, Clint gave him a glance and whispered down to him.

“That felt too easy.”

“It really did,” Matt whispered from Peter’s other side, watching Cap lower the kayak into the water with a splash. “Is Thor on standby?”

“Yeah,” Clint whispered, still facing forward. “I’ll climb a rock and let you guys know when they get out to the island. It’s not gonna take them long to put little flags up—we need to be ready to move as soon as they’re heading that way.”

“Do you think they’ll be watching us? Should we stay on the beach?” Matt asked, still whispering. “I sunburn really easily.”

“That’s what sunscreen’s for,” Clint muttered.

Steve helped Tony into the kayak and then turned to wave to them. Both Matt and Clint both waved back immediately, pulling on fake smiles. Peter waved back with a bright smile, too, ignoring how the ice-cream cone was dripping onto his other hand. 

"Bon voyage!" He called, trying not to sound as eager as he was to get them paddling away already. They needed this. If they could just have one honest conversation they couldn't run away from or distract themselves from, his 'dads' might return a real couple. What a thought.

Tony had gone strangely silent in the kayak as they paddled off into the water, but he offered a wave back at Peter. A wave and a knowing smile. 

_Uh-oh,_ Peter thought. They were going to have to be quick.


End file.
